


Moony's Tale

by VampireRose



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 54,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23164738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireRose/pseuds/VampireRose
Summary: Remus Lupin, a young werewolf, thought his life was limited to his fateful condition. Ever since the night he was bit, he's been seen as different- not even he has seen himself as anything but a bloodthirsty monster. Every moon, he is isolated, alone, scared. His hopes to go to Hogwarts were destroyed.Until a bearded old man showed up at his doorstep.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

“Remus!”

The young boy laid in his bed, his eyes half open. Dark circles lined his eyes. Fresh cuts roped along his arms, chest, face.

“Remus! Come down here!”

He groaned and pushed himself up, his sore muscles screaming in protest. He plodded, exhausted, down the wooden stairs of his house to the kitchen, where the smells of breakfast cooking turned his stomach. He sat at the kitchen table, where his mother, Hope, placed a small plate with a few strips of bacon and a scone on it in front of him.

“Try to eat something, dear,” She murmured. “You need your strength.”

Remus mumbled softly under his breath and pulled the scone apart absentmindedly. He had no appetite and longed to go back to bed. 

“Good morning, Hope. Remus.” This was Remus’ father, Lyall, who emerged from his bedroom, dressed in his work clothes. He grabbed a scone, pressed a gentle kiss to Hope’s cheek, and patted his son on his shoulder. Remus hissed in pain and flinched, as there was a deep cut right where his father had pressed. Lyall immediately moved his hand and exchanged a concerned glance with Hope.

“Remus?’ Hope started, pulling out the muggle first-aid kit she insisted on keeping. “How bad was this moon?”

“Pretty bad,” Remus whispered. “I don’t remember much. But it hurt.”

Hope sighed softly and Lyall wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders. “How about you eat at least a little bit, then I’ll patch you up, okay?” She asked. Remus nodded and picked up a strip of bacon. His gaze still hadn’t left the plate.

“I’ll be at work until about dinnertime,” Lyall told his family. “I may be a bit late, though. Newt thinks he’s onto something with one of his creatures. Don’t wait for me to eat, okay?” Hope nodded and Lyall gave her a hug, then stuffed his scone into his mouth as he left the house.

Remus finally finished his bacon. Hope took his plate and set it on the counter, then helped her ten year old son to stand and led him to the bathroom, where she instructed him to remove his shirt. He shivered as the cold air in the house hit his bare chest. She bandaged up the cuts and stitched a few of the deeper ones. Remus took all of this unflinchingly, as he’d had to deal with this for almost six years already. 70 months. Seventy transformation’s of scars wrapped themselves around his small body. He was short for his age, as his growth had been stunted by his constant illness that revolved around his lycanthropy. He was wiry, too, with skin that stretched around his thin frame, showing nearly every bone he had. Although it was hardly visible, he was muscular due to his transformations. 

Hope eventually finished bandaging her son and let him walk silently past her as she watched him sorrowfully. The boy lay on the couch as she cleaned the dishes from breakfast. About noon, he managed the strength to get up and help with a few chores, but after a small lunch, he fell asleep, curled up on the couch, his light brown hair falling over his eyes. He was due for a haircut. Hope paused in her sweeping the porch to brush the hair from her son’s forehead and press a soft kiss to the boy. She smiled sadly at him as she studied his face for a few seconds. He looked so peaceful as he slept, even though there was a slight frown playing on his youthful face. The day passed quickly and Hope soon took a marker and crossed it off of the calendar that hung on the kitchen wall. She then flipped to the next month’s page, where the next full moon was already circled. March 11, the day after his birthday. She sighed, her poor son had suffered enough as it was, now he couldn’t even celebrate his eleventh birthday happily. Not that he could already, it was very likely that he would never get into Hogwarts with his condition. Most parents don’t want their children to go to school with a werewolf.

-

The next three weeks passed as usual. Remus recovered his strength and was able to help Hope with chores again. He regained his appetite and was eating as normal. Hope watched him happily, glad to see color in his cheeks and his eyes bright. She knew that in only a few days, he would begin to feel the effects of the moon again, and begin to suffer once more. Lyall had taken a rare day off to spend time with his family. He knelt at the coffee table, across from Remus, both of them working on a puzzle. They had just finished it when Hope called them for lunch.

It was truly a picture-perfect family. The mother and father loving, their son energetic and happy. This was a rare scene, for usually Remus would be ill and lethargic, Lyall would be slaving away at work, guilt-ridden with the circumstances of how Remus was bit which the boy did not know, Hope would be doing all the chores around the house, caring as best she could for her only son and her magical husband. It was nice, though, when they could have a moment like this.

The moment was broken by the doorbell ringing. Remus, who had been asking to be let from the table as he’d finished eating, slid off his chair, calling “I’ll get it!” while running to the door. He pulled it open to reveal a wizened old man with a long white beard, wearing simple gray robes. Remus stared up at him, in awe simply from this stranger’s presence.

“Pa?” Remus called, turning to the side. “I think it’s for you.”

Lyall rose from his chair to see who it was, then hurried to Remus’ side when he did so, pushing the boy somewhat behind him. “Albus,” He greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello, Lyall,” Albus returned the greeting. “I believe you know why.”

“Lyall, what’s going on?” Hope asked, joining the three males. Remus slipped his little scarred hand in hers and she squeezed it.

“Dumbledore, you’re not coming in,” Lyall told the wizard, blocking the door with his body. “I know why you’re here and I must say no. It’s not happening. It can’t.”

“Why not?” Albus questioned. “The boy is coming of age, and I know of his condition. I don’t see any problem, just a need for a few precautions.”

“Lyall, what is he talking about?” Hope insisted. Lyall sighed.

“He wants to take Remus to Hogwarts.”

“Really?” Remus asked. “Cool! Am I allowed?”

“Why don’t you go read your book, Honey?” Hope turned and sent her son into the living room, giving him a book to read and making sure he was bundled up under a blanket in front of the fireplace. The last thing the boy needed was to get sick from the cold air blowing around, especially with the next full moon coming in only a few days.

“Why don’t I come in and talk to you about it?” Albus asked Lyall, who began to protest, then sighed, moving out of the way to admit the old wizard. 

“I suppose,” He muttered, then took Hope aside to talk to her in hushed tones. While he did so, Albus sat next to Remus, who seemed to be absorbed in a book.

“They don’t want me to leave,” He murmured after a few moments. “They’re afraid I may hurt somebody. They just want to make sure I’m safe.”

“I know about your condition-”

“That I’m a werewolf?” Remus interrupted, looking up from his book. “I know. I heard you say. So why do you want me to come to your school? I’m dangerous.”

Albus stayed quiet for a few beats, then glanced at the little boy at his side. “Do you know how to play Gobstones?” He asked. Remus nodded. “Would you like to play? I’m afraid I haven’t been able to find a good partner in quite some time.” Remus nodded again and Albus pulled a small cloth bag from somewhere in his robes. Five minutes later, Hope and Lyall finished their conversation to find Albus and Remus engrossed in their game. It was an odd sight: a ninety year old man playing a child’s game with an eleven year old. The usually quiet boy was chattering excitedly to the old man, who was holding the conversation with him as if he was an adult, not a child.

“Albus,” Lyall interrupted the two after a bit. “May we discuss the reason for your visit?”

“Yes, of course, Lyall,” Albus replied then turned to Remus. “I must say, you’re a very good player. The best I’ve played with in a long time.” The boy beamed.

“Remus, go to your room for a moment please,” Lyall told his son as Albus stood up. Remus finished rolling the stones into their bag, handed them to Albus, then left the room, obeying his father. Not quite, though. He stopped at the turn in the stairs, where he knew he wouldn’t be seen.

“Albus, you know we can’t send him to Hogwarts,” Lyall started. “He’s in danger. He is a danger. He could hurt anybody. We’re able to contain him because we’ve established so many spells over where we keep him every moon. You’ve not had to deal with that before.”

Remus’ heart dropped. His father had told him he was dangerous, but it always hurt to hear him say it.

“Actually, Lyall,” Albus replied. “I’ve already taken precautions and am putting them up right now. We’re planting a Whomping Willow to disguise a tunnel to a small building that will be built for Remus’ transformations. This will provide him a safe place to do so, and I will charm it so he cannot leave the building until the morning. Our healer, Poppy Pomfrey, will escort him to and from the building and treat any wounds he may suffer. Your son will be in very competent hands, I guarantee you.”

“How do you know he won’t be hurt by anybody who finds out?” Hope asked. “The prejudice against werewolves is outrageous and I don’t want Remus to be hurt by frightened classmates.”

“A worthy fear, Mrs. Lupin,” Albus told her. “We will go to great lengths to ensure that Remus’ condition is not discovered. Only the head of his house, Madam Pomfrey, and I will know unless it becomes necessary to extend that knowledge to anybody else. Professors McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, and Slughorn are all trustworthy, I believe that they would never wittingly release the secret of Remus’ condition unless I asked them to. There will be the problem of explaining to his friends why he vanishes every month, but I am sure that Remus will be able to do it. He is a smart boy, after all, and he does deserve to have as normal of a life as we can give him.”

Hope nodded. “I believe that will be okay, then. He does deserve to feel at least a little normal, doesn’t he?”

Lyall sighed softly. “I suppose the final decision is not up to us, is it, Hope?” He then raised his voice a bit. “You can come down, Remus.”

The ten year old emerged from the stairs.

“How would you like to go to Hogwarts?” His father asked him.

“Can I?” Remus responded, his eyes lighting up a bit as he looked to Albus, who nodded.

“We already have plans to keep you as safe as possible, and I believe that you will be a wonderful student.”

Surprising everyone, Remus ran to Albus and wrapped the man in a tight hug in a show of energy that he hadn’t had since he was bit. “Thank you, Professor Dumbledore!” He cried, his voice choked up a bit. Albus returned the hug, grinning a bit. Eventually, Remus pulled away, a huge smile on his face, tears glimmering in his green eyes. Albus pulled a piece of parchment from his robes and set it on the table. 

“These are all the materials you will need at Hogwarts,” He told the family. “You can get them all on Diagon Alley, at any point in time from now until the end of August. I would recommend getting things over the summer, as then you may be able to meet other young witches and wizards your age. It’s a bit early to go shopping right now, especially as the letters haven’t been sent out yet.”

Lyall took one look at Remus and knew that this was the best decision he’d made for his son in a long time. “Thank you, Albus,” He murmured.

The smile stayed on Remus’ face until his next transformation.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus followed Lyall and Hope to King’s Cross train station. He pushed a luggage trolley in front of his small body, and struggled a bit to control it. He managed, though, and stubbornly refused to ask for help, because who could he ask at Hogwarts? 

In the trolley, Remus had a large suitcase, filled with clothes and required materials, but also a fair amount of books for him to read. There was a bag on top that he planned to keep with him, containing two more books and many chocolate bars. On top of that was a cage, with a large great gray owl named Apollo inside. Remus hated keeping the owl in a cage. He knew how it felt and felt bad for the bird.

“Remus, get ready,” Lyall called to his son, who looked up and realized that he’d fallen behind his parents. He struggled to catch up to them and stopped near where they were: A simple brick wall. As Remus watched, a teenaged boy raced through the wall, pushing his trolley in front of him, an older woman following him. Remus looked to Lyall.

“Is that what we’re doing?” He asked. His father nodded and he looked back at the wall, stunned. Hope was, surprisingly, level-headed about all of this, being a muggle. However, she had known Lyall for nearly twenty years and in that time had grown used to magic.

“Well, go ahead. Make sure you go at a bit of a run. It’s easier if you have some speed behind you.”

Remus nodded, adjusted his grip on the trolley, and ran to the wall. He closed his eyes and flinched as he felt sure that he would run headfirst into the bricks, but instead felt a bit of a  _ whoosh _ and opened his eyes to chatter and a bunch of people walking around a new station. Soon, Lyall and Hope came through, Hope clinging to Lyall’s arm. 

“Alright, Remus,” Lyall started, standing by his son and digging through his pockets, then handed him two galleons and a few sickles. “This will let you buy something off the trolley if you want anything besides your chocolate. You’ll have enough to buy something else, too, just in case you need to. If you may need anymore, just owl us, okay?”

“Yes, Pa,” Remus answered, taking the money and dropping it into his bag. 

“You be safe, understand?” Hope swiftly leaned down to pull her son into a tight hug, which he quickly returned. He didn’t usually, as he had grown to abhor most physical contact, but was feeling particularly needy as he was leaving home for the first time in his short life. 

“Yes, Mum. I’ll be safe, I promise.”

“I sent an owl to your Headmaster, telling him about the moon on the fifth,” Lyall told his son, lowering his voice to prevent passing people to hear. “It’s really close to the beginning of the school year, but Dumbledore and your head of house will cover for you, okay? But after that, you’ll need to make sure that you’re able to come up with your own excuse, just in case.”

“Okay, I will,” Remus replied. “But can’t we just say I’m sick? It’s not that far from the truth.”

“You can use that, especially since you’re right, but you can’t use it too much, somebody will grow suspicious.”

“Alright,” Remus answered.

“Do you have your calendar?” Hope fretted. Remus nodded and bounced on his toes. Hope pulled him in another hug, then Lyall did too, surprising Remus. His father rarely showed physical affection for him.

“It’s time to go,” Lyall murmured as a loud whistle echoed across the platform, causing Remus to jump and clap his hands over his ears: His senses were always sensitive a few days before a moon. He could already feel fatigue trying to steal over him and knew he likely looked somewhat ill already. After getting Remus’ things put away, Lyall led Hope and Remus to one of the train’s doors. 

“Remus, I want you to be careful, but make friends, okay?” He started. “You don’t want to go through all seven years alone, that’ll be awful. And whatever house you get, remember that we’ll be proud of you, understand? You’re taking a great risk by coming to Hogwarts, we’re already greatly proud of you as it is.”

“I understand, Pa,” Remus answered seriously. “I’ll do my best.”

Lyall smiled a bit. “Then get on. Make sure you find a good place to sit. Maybe watch the scenery go by, it’s always beautiful this time of year.”

Remus nodded and turned to get on the train. “Bye, Mum, bye, Pa. I’ll owl you guys,”

“Bye, Remus, have fun!” Hope called back. Remus smiled a bit as he made his way down the aisle, looking for an empty compartment. He soon found one and curled up on one of the seats, pulling out a book and chocolate bar, taking a bite and he turned the page he’d stopped on. As the train began moving, he was distracted by loud laughter from the compartment across from him. He turned to see two black-haired boys, about his age, who were deep in conversation and were laughing with each other. He sighed, wishing he could join them but knowing he probably couldn’t. They wouldn’t want to be interrupted, he decided as he leaned against the window. The vibrations travelling through the glass soon lulled the exhausted boy to sleep.

-

“Hey! Hey, kid!”

Remus woke up to someone shaking his shoulder. He turned to see the two boys from earlier looking at him. One had glasses, he was the one trying to wake Remus up.

“The train’s stopped, it’s time to get off.”

“Oh, thanks,” Remus mumbled as he stood up, stretched, and put his book away, taking a bite of the chocolate bar that was still out. The sugar in it helped him to perk up a bit as he followed the two boys out of the train.

“I’m James Potter, that’s Sirius Black,” The boy with glasses introduced. “What’s your name?”

“Remus Lupin,” He answered shyly, his light brown hair falling into his eyes a bit. He brushed it out of the way a bit, only enough to keep it out of his eyes but not to reveal his scars. He kept his hands tucked under the robes his father had him wear and now he was grateful because he didn’t stand out. They were also long enough to hide his hands. He saw Sirius studying him a bit, curiously, but thought nothing of it. 

The three boys followed the instructions of a very tall man named Hagrid and got in one of the little boats. There were four to a boat, usually, but nobody joined them. Magically, the boats moved across the lake, following Hagrid’s, which lit the way with a lantern. All of the first-years followed Hagrid into a huge castle, to where they were then met by a stern-looking woman who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall. Remus thought that she was staring straight at him, as if she knew his secret, and he hunched over a bit, trying to make himself smaller. He listened closely to what she was saying, although he noticed Sirius and James messing around behind him. Somebody was tapping their foot, which Remus found extremely annoying.

The children followed Professor McGonagall into a huge hall, where students were already sitting. Remus saw Headmaster Dumbledore, dressed in robes not unlike the ones he’d worn when he’d met Remus. Albus saw him and gave him a small wink and a smile, then addressed the hall as a whole, introducing the first-years to Hogwarts. He then pulled out an old hat and Professor McGonagall began calling names out for the first-years to be sorted. Sirius was one of the first and as he went up, his self-assured smirk left his face. He sat down uncertainly and the hat was placed on his head. It sat there for a few moments before it suddenly shouted:

“Gryffindor!”

Sirius’s face went pale and he glanced to the Slytherin table, where multiple students of various ages were glaring at him. His eyes widened and he hurried off the stage and moved to the Gryffindor table on the other side of the hall. Remus watched him, confused. Why would he be afraid of some people in Slytherin?

Remus hardly paid attention to the sorting, instead trying to wake himself up. With almost less than four days until the next moon, he was growing fatigued as his body began rebelling against the transformation that was pressing, growing more and more inevitable.

“Lupin, Remus,”

James nudged Remus and moved his head to the stage, where Professor McGonagall was waiting for him. He made his way through the throng of students to the stage and carefully climbed the steps. He could tell that this would be a bad transformation: The symptoms were coming on earlier and stronger than usual. As he sat in the chair, he scanned the Gryffindor table to find Sirius. He was somewhat slumped over, watching the ceremony. The hat was placed on Remus’ head and he had to suppress a shiver of dislike for the scratchy worn fabric.

“ _ You could be a very good fit in Ravenclaw… _ ” Remus almost jumped as he heard the hat’s voice in his head. “ _ Bookish, smart. But yet… A werewolf. That’s uncommon. The pain you go through every month… _ ” The hat mumbled a bit as it deliberated, then straightened up some.

“Better be… Gryffindor!”

The Gryffindor table burst into applause, as it had for each new student it gained.  _ You wouldn’t be clapping if you knew what I was _ , Remus thought drily as he made his way to Sirius and sat down next to him. Neither said a word and Remus yawned and rubbed his eyes as the ceremony continued. 

“Potter, James,” was soon declared as Gryffindor and sat on the other side of Sirius, greeting him and Remus. Remus was secretly glad that he’d finally been sorted because James was near the end of the alphabet and the sooner the sorting was finished, the sooner dinner could be served and Remus could go to bed.  Finally, dinner was served. Remus ate as much as he could, which was’t much, and almost nodded off at the table. Sirius nudged him.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Remus nodded.

“Just… tired,” He replied. “I’ve not been feeling too well recently.”

Thankfully, Sirius seemed to accept his answer and continued his dinner while Remus just waited, having eaten all he felt he physically could. Eventually, everyone finished and the call of “Gryffindor first-years, follow me,” could be heard, along with a derivative from the other three houses. Remus followed Sirius and James as they went up multiple flights of stairs, that actually  _ moved _ , and stopped in front of a portrait. As the prefect was explaining how to get into the common room, Dumbledore appeared. 

“I would like to borrow Mr. Lupin, if I could Eric,” He told the prefect, who nodded. 

“Go ahead, Headmaster, just please bring him back here.”

Remus moved to Dumbledore and followed him back down the stairs - He suppressed an exhausted sigh as he did this - until they reached a magnificent statue of gargoyle. 

“Chocolate frogs,” Dumbledore spoke to the gargoyle, who stepped aside, revealing another staircase. Remus followed Albus up this one to reveal a beatiful, if not cluttered, office. Two other people were in it. Professor McGonagall, who Remus had decided scared him, and another woman he didn’t recognize. 

“Remus, these are Professor Minerva McGonagall and Madam Poppy Pomfrey,” Albus introduced. “Minerva, Poppy, this is Remus Lupin. He’s the werewolf I was telling you of a few minutes ago. You should get to know each other, as he’s going to need your help, especially from you, Poppy.”

“How so?” Madam Pomfrey asked.

“His transformations are painful and, as many werewolves do, he harms himself to compensate for the pain. Poppy, you will need to bring him to the shack that I showed you the path to a few days ago, remember that?" 

She nodded. 

"Good. Minerva, I needed you to know because he's in your house. He'll feel quite ill before and after each transformation, as you can probably see. His next is coming up in four days, so it will be a good time to test if the shack, Willow, and my charms work well enough."

"Albus, I must ask,  _ why _ are you bringing a werewolf into the school?" McGonagall asked. Remus flinched and fiddled with the sleeve of his robes, staring at his feet. Albus patted the boy on his back a bit. 

"Because he deserves as normal of a life as we can give him," The old wizard answered. "He's been isolated since he was five. The boy deserves as much as we can give him. But we can't let anybody else know about him, lest it remove that hint of normality that he might have gained."

McGonagall nodded at Dumbledore's explanation, accepting it. Remus still stared at the floor, hurt that someone who didn't even know him judged him for what he was. 

For what he knew he was. A monster. 

He held back another yawn as Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey spoke. He swayed a little on his feet as he felt fatigue from the busy day and his constant exhaustion pressing against him. Thankfully, Dumbledore noticed. 

"Well, I'd better be getting him to his Common Room," He spoke. "The boy is practically asleep on his feet."

Remus sleepily followed Albus up all the stairs again, constantly rubbing at his eyes, turning them red and irritated. When Albus noticed, he gently pulled Remus' hand away from his face. The boy looked up at him through heavy eyelids and Albus was struck with sorrow that someone so small and young could be afflicted with something like lycanthropy.  Eventually, they reached the Gryffindor Common Room, where Albus opened the door to find it filled with chatter. A hush quickly fell over the room when the students noticed their headmaster. 

"Does anyone know where Mr. Walters is?" Albus called. The Prefect, who Remus recognized as the boy who'd led the first-years to the Room the first time, stood up. 

"Can you take Me. Lupin to his room and get him settled in?" Albus asked. "Make sure he gets to sleep as soon as possible, or I fear he will fall where he stands."

Eric nodded and led Remus up, yet another, flight of stairs to a door which he opened to reveal five beds. Two were occupied, two had the look like someone had been there, and one had a trunk on it. Remus' trunk. 

"There's your bed," Eric told him. "You'll want to get all of your books out and get your things organized tonight. Classes start tomorrow." Remus, who had always been homeschooled, felt a tiny thrill of excitement run through him at the mention of classes. Eric left and Remus set to organizing his things as quickly as possible to get to bed faster. He changed into his pajamas in a bathroom nearby and when he returned, found the other two beds occupied by nine other than James and Sirius. 

"Hi, Remus!" James called. "Where'd you go?"

"Uh, just… had to deal with a few things," He answered vaguely. He was always such an awful liar that he was surprised when James didn't question him. Sirius had a shadow of a grin playing on his face and the other two, who Remus hadn't met yet, were watching curiously. 

"We should introduce ourselves!" James, who was showing himself to be an extreme extrovert cried, grinning. "I'll go first. I'm James Potter. Sirius, your turn."

"I'm Sirius Black," He muttered. "Next, please."

"I'm Simon Minsky," One of the boys Remus hadn't met grinned a bit. He had dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. 

"I'm Peter Pettigrew," The blonde boy next to Simon greeted. He was short and kind of chubby. 

"Um, I'm Remus Lupin, I'm really tired, and I'm going to bed. Sorry." Remus told the four, then crawled under the blankets he just finished putting on the bed. "Talk to you tomorrow,"

He knew he probably wouldn't. He was going to be absolutely wiped out tomorrow, no matter how much sleep he got. With that thought, he slipped into Oblivion, where his constant pain couldn't haunt him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Remus woke up to the loud chatter of his roommates. He sat up with a groan, light piercing through his eyes to create a headache that was doomed to be awful. He watched his roommates run around and get dressed and, pulling the curtains around his bed closed, he did the same as quickly as he could. Soon, the five of them were ready. Remus checked his schedule and shoved his Charms, Transfiguration, and History of Magic textbooks into his bag. He had those three classes before a scheduled break and he planned to get his other books during the break. 

“Let’s go, Remus!” James called. Remus snapped out of his thoughts and followed the boys to the Common Room, where other first-years and the Prefect, Eric Walters, waited. 

“Is that everyone?” He asked. “Good. Let’s go,”

Eric led the group of eleven year olds down the stairs to the Great Hall, where the sorting was conducted yesterday. Remus sat at the table blearily, still waking up. He was  _ not _ a morning person.

“Hey, Remus!” James called. “Come sit with us!” Remus, who had sat at the far end of the table, looked up, surprised. James, Sirius, and Peter were all sitting near each other with a gap between James and Sirius. James motioned Remus to join them again and he did, uncertain. Why would they want to be around him?

Breakfast was a noisy affair, which didn’t help Remus’ headache. James and Sirius, who had perked up since last night, carried on a conversation. Occasionally, Peter jumped in with a few comments, but Remus focused instead on listening and eating, which was difficult as he didn’t have much of an appetite for either. He had three days left and felt absolutely awful, which Sirius actually noticed.

“Remus, are you feeling okay?” He asked, cutting into James’ story. “You look… Really bad. Do you need to go to the hospital wing?”

Remus shook his head. “No… No, I get like this a lot. It’ll go away.”

“Well… If you need help with anything, I’ll be glad to.”

“Thanks,” Remus mumbled.  _ Not anything _ , he thought.  _ You don’t know what that means. _

Breakfast finished and the students were dismissed to go to classes. After some struggle, and asking for help at Remus’ insistence, the four boys - James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus - found their way to their Charms class. They slipped inside the classroom, which was half empty, and found seats in the back of the room. There were three long rows of desks, and as they waited for the professor to come in, Remus laid his head on the desk. Sirius, who was sitting next to him, eventually stood up and went to talk to James, who was next to Peter on Remus’ other side. The classroom grew noisier as time went on until a tiny man told the class to settle down, which they did. 

“I am Professor Flitwick,” He introduced. “This is the Charms class, with Gryffindor and Hufflepuff first-years. If you aren’t either of those, come up now and I’ll help you get sorted out to the right classroom.” A few students came up. After getting them sorted out, Flitwick turned to the remaining students. “Alright, today we’re going to start with an icebreaker, then we’ll move on to the first charm of the year. We’ll go around the room, sharing our name and a fact about ourselves. I’ll start. My name is Filius Flitwick and this is my fifth year teaching here. Next person, go.”

The room went around introducing themselves and Remus panickedly tried to think of something to say.  _ What could I say? ‘Hi I’m Remus and I’m a werewolf that could eat you’? No! _

Before Remus knew it, James was speaking. 

“I’m James Potter and my father invented the Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion.”

“I’m Peter Pettigrew and… I was a true Hatstall?” Remus didn’t know, he wasn’t paying any attention to the sorting. Suddenly, it was his turn.

“Um… I’m Remus Lupin and… um… I get sick really easily.”

Remus sighed in relief that he was done and Sirius began in a bored tone. “I’m Sirius Black, I’m the only Black to not be a Slytherin.”

Because the boys were near the back, the icebreaker was soon over and they began on their first charm: The Levitation Charm. Almost everyone in the room struggled but eventually, Remus managed to make his feather, the item they were using for practice, lift about three inches from the table. After a few moments, though, he released the feather from its flight. He glanced over at Sirius’ feather, which was wiggling a bit. Sirius had a deep frown etched into his features until he stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again. He managed to lift it about five inches from the table and held it there, a smile growing on his face. James mirrored Sirius’ progress while Peter still struggled. Remus tried again and managed to get his feather a little more than a foot above the table and laughed a bit in triumph. He’d done it!

Remus spent the rest of the class messing around. He landed his feather on Sirius’ head, who pulled it off and laughed a bit. After growing bored with the feather, he decided to try to enchant James’ glasses and see if he could make them fly from his face. Remus turned to do so, a small smile playing on his tired features as he focused on the metal frames. Sirius soon noticed what he was doing and laughed quietly, watching the glasses move about an inch before James caught them and looked around for who was doing it. When he saw Remus and Sirius grinning at him, a mischievous smirk grew on his face and he moved over to the boys. 

“You’re  _ so _ getting it later,” He whispered. Sirius laughed as Remus froze for a second. He remembered the last time he heard that sentence…

_ “You’re getting it now, boy,” _

Remus shook the thought away. James couldn’t bite him and turn him into a werewolf, he already was one. Besides, he looked like he was planning a prank, not planning his demise. 

_ Not yet _ . 

Remus forced himself to focus back on the present, hoping that James and Sirius hadn’t noticed him zoning out.

“Remus, are you sure you’re okay?” Sirius asked, concern filling his gray eyes. Nevermind then.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” He replied, hoping that, although he was an awful liar, they wouldn’t notice-

“You’re an awful liar,” James countered. Remus sighed. 

“I know.”

The class was soon dismissed and the boys found their next class: Transfiguration. It ran similarly to Charms where they did a quick icebreaker then started learning the Transfiguration Alphabet. Their third class was History of Magic, which Remus found quite boring already and had a hard time staying awake. Sirius gave up on listening halfway through and put his head down, seemingly sleeping through the class. This theory was busted, however, when the teacher, a ghost named Cuthbert Binns, announced that class was over. Sirius hopped out of his chair and waited by the door for the other three. Remus suspected that he was really only waiting for James, but didn’t say anything for fear of angering the boy. He seemed to have a shorter temper than Remus on the days before a bad moon. 

Remus followed the three to the Great Hall again, bringing a sense of deja vu to the boy. After a few moment’s hesitation, he sat next to Sirius, ready to jump out of the seat if the black haired boy even said “Boo.” Which he didn’t.

As usual for Remus, he had very little appetite this close to a transformation. He only ate a muffin, hardly less than he did at breakfast, but this time Sirius noticed. 

“Remus, aren’t you going to eat any more?” He asked. Remus felt a surge of anger swell up inside him.

“I’m  _ fine _ , Sirius, I told you. Stop mother henning over me, I don’t need it.” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, the fight drained out of him and Remus plunked his forehead against the table. “I’m sorry,” He mumbled. “I didn’t mean to snap. I didn’t mean any of that, really.”

“It’s okay,” Srius replied after a few seconds. “I understand. I’ve been bothering you all day. You’re right, you’re probably fine. You just don’t look very well to me, but you probably know what sick is for you.”

Remus nodded a bit, his movement restricted by the table. He kept his head down for the rest of lunch, almost nodding off. Sirius shook him awake when it was time to go to their next class and, after a bit of a struggle, the four boys found the room. They took their seats in the back and waited as students filed in.

The tables were for two each and James dropped his stuff next to Peter’s as Sirius sat next to Remus, who had already put his bag down and laid his head on the desk, sighing as the scents of various chemicals and herbs attacked his senses. Sirius watched him awkwardly before getting up and talking to James. They did so for a few minutes until the teacher, Professor Slughorn, entered the room and told the boys to sit down. Remus picked his head up from the desk and focused on the teacher. He already had a basic knowledge on Potions, as his father had taught him a little bit, so he found the lecture to be a bit of a refresher for him. Sirius, on the other hand, was paying absolutely no attention and was staring off into nowhere. Remus glanced at him then focused on the lecture.

“Now, we’re going to start a fairly easy potion today,” Slughorn was saying. “Where you’re sitting now is your partner until we get back from the Christmas holiday, so you had better get to know each other well.” A few groans were heard as some students looked at their partner in a bit of disgust, despite not knowing them well. “As I was saying,” Slughorn continued, “We will be brewing the cure for boils today. The recipe will be found on page 40 in your textbook. Ingredients are on the front table. If you have any questions, you are free to ask me. I will be walking around, checking on your progress.”

Remus flipped his book open to page 40 and left the table to get the ingredients. When he came back, he found Sirius setting the cauldron up and opening his own book. The boys quickly set to making the potion, hardly speaking. Remus didn’t care to talk when he felt so bad and Sirius didn’t seem to be in the mood for conversation. When they reached the point where they had to wait for the potion to brew, the boys sat back to allow it to do so. Remus looked over to James and Peter, who were a bit behind them. A few other groups had finished and were waiting for their potions to brew, but there were a few groups who had hardly started and were arguing with each other. Eventually, however, they got on track after a few sharp words from Slughorn, who then came over to Remus and Sirius’ table.

“How long has it been sitting?” He asked.

“About twenty minutes, sir,” Sirius replied. Slughorn took a look at the potion and nodded.

“It looks good. Congratulations for now, boys.” He then left to observe other groups that weren’t as far.

While they waited for the potion to brew, Sirius tipped his chair back and, after a couple near falls, managed to balance on two legs of the chair. He smirked at Remus, who gave him a small smile. About ten minutes later, the boys continued the potion, carefully following the instruction as close as they could. When they were nearly finished, they heard the call, “Congratulations! Everyone, Mr. Snape and Ms. Evans have finished their potions first. Five points to Gryffindor and five points to Slytherin.” Remus and Sirius looked over to where a black haired boy and a redheaded girl were smiling at each other in triumph. The two boys finished their potion and called Slughorn over to look at it, where he smiled at the eleven year olds with satisfaction.

“Good job, boys, it’s wonderful,” He told them. “Because you finished second, I will be awarding Gryffindor two points each.”

Remus and Sirius smiled at each other. The joy of doing something right,  _ for once _ , filled Remus with energy that lasted for a few hours. Ultimately, James and Peter failed the potion as they’d forgotten to take it off the fire before adding the last ingredient. The cauldron melted and the potion covered the boy’s feet, causing both to erupt in boils. They were sent to the hospital wing and showed back up halfway through Herbology. Remus and Sirius shared a quiet bout of laughing as the two joined them. Professor Sprout, the teacher of the class, gave the boys a disapproving glance before continuing her lecture. They quickly quieted.

After Herbology was a short free period before dinner which as usual, Remus ate very little during. He caught Sirius and James both giving him worried glances throughout their conversation, which was held at such quiet voices that Remus couldn't hear, even with his temporarily enhanced senses. After dinner, Remus went straight to the Common Room. The other three boys he’d stayed with followed but while he went to his room, they stayed in the Common Room. He sat on his bed and read for a bit, but when he heard Sirius and James’ footsteps, he quickly put his bookmark in and rolled under his blankets, feigning sleep. He didn’t really want to have a conversation.

“I really think something’s wrong with Remus,” Sirius told James.

“You’ve hardly known him for a day, I’m sure he’s fine,” James told Sirius. “Sure, he could be sick, but what if he just looks sick and isn’t actually? You heard him in Charms, he gets sick really easily. Maybe that’s what’s happening.”

Sirius was quiet for a bit. “You’re right,” He muttered. “Besides, he knows himself. If he doesn’t feel good but doesn’t want to tell anyone, that’s up to him. I’ll leave him alone tomorrow, for sure.”

The two continued their conversation on a different topic. Remus’ mind lingered on how they had been talking about him until, despite the light, his exhaustion caused him to sink into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus collapsed the next day. It wasn’t the first time, far from that, but it was definitely a surprise and quite unwelcome.

He came to in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey leaning over him concernedly. He tried to sit up and immediately fell back against the pillow, his head swimming and throbbing. 

“I passed out, didn’t I?” He asked. Pomfrey nodded.

“Hit your head pretty hard, too. You might have a nasty headache and a good sized bump.”

Remus felt the back of his head, hissing when he found the tender spot. 

“This doesn’t usually happen,” He told Pomfrey. “It’s shaping up to be a particularly bad moon. The sickness and stuff doesn’t even usually come on until about two days before, so this is going to be pretty bad. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.”

Pomfrey shook her head. “It’s no problem at all,” She answered firmly. “You deserve as much as we can give you and if that means that you get your own bed in here, then so be it.”

Remus lay in silence, stunned at her words. He didn’t move until she announced that he had visitors. He turned his head to see Sirius, James, and Peter standing near Madam Pomfrey.

“Hi, guys,” He greeted. “Turns out that you were right, Sirius. I wasn’t as fine as I thought. But to be fair, it’s not like I planned on passing out.”

Sirius laughed a bit. 

“Are you alright?” James asked. “We were going up the stairs to Defense Against the Dark Arts when you just fell and hit your head on the rail. Sirius and I had to carry you to steady ground where we called a teacher to come help bring you here.”

“I’m okay now,” Remus answered. “How long was I out?”

“Lunch just finished, so about four hours,” Peter replied. “Provided you only just woke up and didn’t have some time alone before Madam Pomfrey let us come back.”

“We took notes for you,” Sirius cut in. “We put them and your books on your bed in our room. Nothing was damaged when you fell, not even your wand.”

“Thank you,” Remus mumbled, letting his head fall gently back on the pillow. “What did I miss in classes?”

“We went over werewolf bites in DADA, and we’re still on the Transfiguration Alphabet,” Sirius told him. Remus, unseen by anybody, tensed at the mention of werewolves.

“We brought you this, though,” James held out a chocolate bar. “It fell out of your bag.”

Remus accepted the bar gratefully and pulled a piece off, eating it. Pomfrey soon shooed the boys out and drew the curtains around Remus’ bed, telling him to get some rest, he would be staying there until his transformation.

-

Remus felt that September 5 couldn’t come soon enough. He was tired of the exhaustion and sickness he’d been feeling and wanted to get the transformation over with. His condition had been worsening exponentially in the past days until the boy was wraith-like, almost as pale as his sheets and although he’d been sleeping almost constantly, had dark circles under his eyes. That afternoon, Pomfrey helped him to the small shack the Dumbledore had built for his transformations. She taught him how to get past the Whomping Willow - pressing the knot in the trunk - and led him down the tunnel to the shack.

“Albus found out that you like music,” She told him after she’d got him situated on the bed that he was sure would be destroyed come morning. “He had a wood flute and a small piano brought here, and he charmed them so they can’t break.”

“Thank you,” Remus whispered, his voice hoarse. It was one of the first things he’d said that day. He felt that he’d been thanking people constantly in the past few days. Pomfrey left a chocolate bar on a table and helped the boy into the bed that rested in the corner of the room. It was a four-poster bed, and quite comfortable. Remus felt a moment of regret when he realized that it wouldn’t still be standing after this night. Pomfrey soon left and he rolled over, grabbing the chocolate bar. He devoured it in a few quick bites and found the wood flute in the bedside table drawer. He lifted it to his lips, took a deep breath and played the instrument, his eyes closing peacefully. The haunting melody he played was one he’d known for years and the music filled his ears, the notes lifting and falling like a gentle breeze.

Through the gaps of the boards of the shack - Remus suspected that they were made like that - he saw the sun slowly setting, the sky darkening. A deep ache settled in his bones as the final rays of the sun slipped past the horizon. He turned to see the tip of the full moon rising through another gap in the shack, thus starting his transformation.

He stiffened as pain shuddered through his body. His eyes glazed over as he felt his bones shifted, lengthening, moving. His clothes tore and fur sprouted all over his body. The eleven year old screamed as his body changed from a human’s to a wolf’s. He choked on the scream as his vocal chords changed and the noise soon turned into a howl. His pupils dilated and his eye color changed as he tumbled off the bed. His fingernails lengthened into claws and he whined, clawing at his face where his jaw ached from changing shape. His teeth lengthened and sharpened and his claws pierced his skin, lines of blood crawling down his neck. As he panted in pain, his eyes squeezed shut, his spine elongated and his skin changed color to match the thick fur sprouting all over him. His cries of pain echoed even to the village of Hogsmeade, where the residents heard and stared at the shack, believing it to be haunted. Nobody could make those sounds, they thought. Only ghosts could.

The wolf was curled in a fetal ball, emitting pitiful whimpers. It gnawed at the flute still held in its paws, confused when its teeth wouldn’t penetrate the grain of the seemingly soft wood. Irritated, it threw the flute away, following it and throwing it farther. The wolf then stood, hunched over and half bipedal, its front feet brushing the ground. It padded around the shack, sniffing and investigating, then drew its claws destructively across the curtains fluttering in front of a window. To its satisfaction, the curtains tore, revealing the full moon in all its glory. The wolf forced itself from the shack and howled at the moon, then tore off to the woods. It desired destruction. 

It limped to the forest, the pressing gloom angering it. It was a creature of rage, after all. Everything caused anger. Frankly, it just wanted to hunt something, to  _ kill _ . When it reached the trees, it slowed, sniffing leisurely and wandering calmly. It didn’t recognize its surroundings and was greatly confused. Last time it was conscious, it was trapped in a stone cellar. All it knew was the cellar.

Until now. 

Triumphantly, the wolf howled at the moon once more. It wasn’t big, by any means, but was quite threatening. Even young, it was a force not to be reckoned with. 

An unexplainable pain filled it and it bit at itself, just as irritable as it had been. The transformation had been hard, both on boy and wolf, and the wolf was feeling its effects. Randomly, its legs collapsed but it forced itself to stand and continued its exploration. It was young, after all, and wanted to find everything. It encountered nothing, though. No animals, nothing with life. It snorted in satisfaction. They must have heard of it and fled. How annoying. How  _ pitiful _ .

But it wanted to hunt. It wanted the thrill of feeling life leaving a body clamped securely in its jaw. Unable to do this, it soon grew bored of the woods and made its way back to the shack it had emerged from. It took a different route and when it turned, saw a magnificent castle with many windows lit. Something about the castle struck a chord in its memory…

Snarling, the wolf shook the thought away and returned to the shack, where it wandered restlessly. It felt drawn to the shack but didn’t know why. There was nothing here. Nothing to bite, nothing to attack, nothing to feel the life force draining from it. Boredly, with nothing else to do, the wolf turned its claws on itself. It scratched at its face, chest, bit at its legs. It destroyed wooden furniture with no thought, only annoyance at the wooden splinters it couldn’t remove. It craved carnage but there was none to be had. The wolf hated that. It hated its inability to satisfy its instincts and thus harmed itself. Pain inflicted was still pain inflicted, no matter the target. If only it had the ability to  _ hunt _ , to  _ kill _ . Not animals, of course. No, those were its kin, no matter the species.

It craved  _ human _ death. Humans were creatures of contempt. Humans caused its suffering and humans should suffer along with it. 

All too soon, it felt a familiar pain and far more familiar exhaustion. Anger filled the wolf and it howled, jumping around the shack as if it was mad, causing as much destruction as it could. It screamed, barked, made as much noise as it could, then fell prone the moment sunlight hit it. It screamed in pain as its bones shrunk and snapped into place. Its fur shrunk back into its skin and, most painfully, its jaw changed shape once again. It clawed at itself, biting to try to alleviate the agony. It bared its shrinking teeth in pain, snarling, pacing, roaring. Its back arched and it paced on all four legs, gouging the wood floor with its claws. As its claws contorted into a human’s, it dug at the ground, ignoring the splinters snagging its skin. Even as it felt its own mind slowly beginning to leave, it continued clawing at the ground until its pain grew too great and it returned to the abuse against its face. Its howls morphed into wails of a child being tortured as it morphed back into Remus’ body. His mind, still not human, caused him to claw at himself, scraping his nails futilely against his skin. He twitched, his tiny body convulsing as every nerve in him fired at once. His voice grew ragged as he screamed, wailed,  _ cried _ for relief. His mind finally returned as his as the sun broke through the horizon. He weakly pulled a blanket over his naked body as he hazily heard footsteps echoing through the tunnel to the shack. 

He lay on the torn ground in pain, shaking. Splinters covered his hands, arms, and legs, and it seemed as if he had an entire board of wood embedded it his fingertips. His nails were torn and bleeding, a consequence of his tearing at the floor, and tears rolled rolled down his cheeks as he moaned in pain. The blanket he was covered by was quickly growing bloodstained as he grew lightheaded from the amount he bled that night. He sobbed quietly as the footsteps became louder. His head flopped limply against the broken floor and within seconds, he lost consciousness, his body exhausted, bleeding, and wounded.


	5. Chapter 5

Remus woke up, again, in the hospital wing. He was laying under a scratchy blanket and, as he grew more aware, realized he wasn’t wearing clothes. A moment’s panic filled him until his memories came back to him and he realized that he’d forgotten to bring clothes to the shack, should he be aware enough to dress. As it turned out, he wasn’t, but he still should have remembered. Remus soon heard voices that were steadily rising and listened. 

“No you  _ can’t _ come to see him, Mr. Potter!” Madam Pomfrey was speaking, her voice stern. “He hasn’t even woken up yet and the boy needs to rest!”

“But when he  _ does _ wake up,” James retorted. “I want to see him.”

“Besides, he should wake up with friends beside him,” Sirius cut in. “He’ll want to know what he missed in classes.”

Remus lay still as the argument escalated, even though the three of them, with Peter jumping in occasionally, tried to keep it to a whisper.

“Be quiet,” He called to them. Rather, he tried to. It came out as a thin croak. Pomfrey somehow heard it and came around the curtain to check on him.

“Good afternoon, Remus,” She greeted him. “How are you feeling?” He shook his head to her unspoken question: Did he want visitors? He also felt awful so it wasn’t that open to interpretation. “He doesn’t want visitors,” She called to James, Sirius, and Peter. “Come back later, perhaps. Let him recover a bit.” When she was certain that the three left, she lowered her voice to continue speaking to Remus. “When I found you, you were covered in a blanket - thank you for that - and I carried you here magically. You’ve been covered ever since and I suppose that your clothes are demolished. There are some pajamas at the foot of your bed, but I need to take care of your wounds before you put them on. The shirt at least.”

“Can I put on the pants?” Remus croaked, his face flaming. Pomfrey nodded and handed him the pants, then stepped out of the curtains to give him some privacy. He struggled, having nowhere near the amount of strength needed to merely sit up, but managed to - eventually- get the pants on. He slumped against the pillow, already exhausted, when he called Pomfrey back in. She clucked when she saw the majority of his injuries and the bruises blossoming all over his skin. She held a bottle of a clear potion and helped Remus to sit up before she doused a cloth in the potion

It was a sight to see, the eleven year old shaking as Pomfrey covered his wounds in a healing potion that his parents had never been able to afford. He shook, both from the relief that the potion brought, and from exhaustion. As soon as Pomfrey finished extracting the last of the splinters from his torn fingertips, he collapsed against his pillow, panting from the exertion and absolutely worn out. Within a few moments, he would sink into sleep again.

This was how the next two days would go. Remus would wake up for a few minutes to an hour then fall back asleep for a few hours, then would wake up again. When he was awake, he would sometimes talk to Sirius and James, Peter was almost never around. Other times, he would wake up in the middle of the night and read or look over the schoolwork his friends brought to him. On his third day in the hospital wing, September 8, Pomfrey surprised him by allowing him to leave the hospital wing. Sirius helped him to the Gryffindor Common Room, tailed by Peter who carried the things Remus had accumulated in his stay. It was a slow procession, as Remus had to stop several times. James couldn’t help them, as he was in detention for pranking someone. At one point during the slow procession, two Slytherin boys ran past them, bumping into the three, knocking Remus to the ground and shoving the books from Peter’s hands. Sirius ran after them, yelling, leaving Peter scrambling to pick up the books and Remus laying winded and stunned on the cold stone floor. He slowly forced himself to lean on his shaking arms, trying to find the strength to stand up.

A pair of feet stopped in front of him and offered a hand. Remus looked up and saw the smiling kind face of a young redheaded girl. He recognized her as Lily Evans from his Potions class. He accepted her hand and she helped him up. As soon as he was on his feet, he swayed. Lily quickly supported him and Peter joined them, clinging tightly to Remus’ books. 

“What happened?” Lily asked.

“Someone bumped into us and I fell,” Remus mumbled. 

“No, before that,” She corrected. “You look awful.”

“Oh. I was sick.”

Sirius came back to them, a scowl deeply etched in his face. 

“Stupid Malfoy,” He growled. “Set that up, I know he did.” 

Remus wavered again and Sirius rushed to catch him. 

“Thanks for helping, Lily,” He told her. “But I’ve got it from here. You go back to what you were doing.” Lily looked as though she would argue, but instead left. Remus kept his head down, already exhausted from everything that happened. Sirius got him back to his room as fast as he could and got Remus settled on his bed. Instead of staying up to talk, Remus merely thanked him and fell asleep. 

Sirius stayed in the room, even after Peter left, and looked at Remus. Even asleep, the boy looked like he was in pain and how did he get so wounded when he was sick? It didn’t make sense. 

Sirius stood up and shook his head, leaving his friend alone in the room.

-

Remus woke up the next day to James shaking his shoulder. He struggled to sit up and rubbed at his eyes with his bruised hands. He yawned as Sirius carried him a change of clothes and helped him to stand up. The two helped a groggy Remus to get dressed for the day as Peter shoved his books into his bag. Simon was nowhere to be seen and James explained that he’d already left. The four boys left the room with Sirius carrying Remus’ bag, his arm slung around the thin boy’s shoulders. They made their way to the Great Hall, where breakfast was already in progress.

“Sorry I made you late,” Remus mumbled. 

“It’s fine,” Sirius told him. “You needed help getting up this morning and we wanted to be nice.”

Remus smiled gratefully as the four sat down in their usual places. He got a small breakfast, as usual, but was surprised to find that he was actually fairly hungry for once. He ate ravenously, unaware that Sirius and James were watching him, both smiling at the fact that he was finally eating. Breakfast ended soon after the four finished and they went to their first class, Charms. Remus fell asleep during the class and instead of waking him up, James took notes for him and Sirius sneakily managed to get the boy to lie down on the floor, his bag bundled up under his head. When the class was dismissed, the boys woke him up and helped the groggy boy to Transfiguration, where they were finally learning to turn matches to needles. Under the watchful eye of McGonagall, Remus feared falling asleep. James and Sirius constantly nudged him awake and Peter was carefully handing him pieces of chocolate from one of the chocolate bars. Remus was sure McGonagall had spotted them and a feeling of dread filled him when she called him to stay after class. She brought him into her office, closed the door, and cast a charm on it.

“How are you feeling, Remus?” She asked gently. “I know that this week has been rough for you.”

“To be honest, Professor, I’ve been feeling quite awful,” Remus answered softly. “I’m still exhausted. It’s common for me to be tired after a moon, but not usually this long. This moon was really bad.”

“I noticed you were sick looking even on the first day of school, is that normal?”

Remus shook his head. “No. I don’t always get the really bad moons, but when I do, it’s usually because I’ve moved. We’ve had to move constantly ever since I was bit and every time we do, it’s like the wolf realizes and makes me suffer as much as it can. This time just lined up so closely that it had the opportunity to make it really bad.”

“ ‘The wolf’?” McGonagall leaned on her desk, interest and confusion sharpening her gaze. “Are you not the wolf? After all, it’s what you transform into each month.”

Remus thought for a second, playing with his sleeve. “Not really. I don’t like linking the two of us. It’s like… Remus, me, I would never hurt anybody, not on purpose. But the wolf… It craves destruction. It hates everything and wants to destroy things. But me? I… I don’t want to break things. I take such good care of my books that my parents even tease me that I like the books even more than them. The wolf would rip those books apart, no questions asked.”

McGonagall frowned a bit. “But the wolf still  _ is _ you,” She told him. “But it’s the opposite of you. You like your books, and you like your chocolate. Those are your traits. But the wolf, it… It doesn’t. It is our necessary opposite and I feel like, maybe, your transformations could be less painful if you accepted that part of you and quit resisting it?”

Remus was shaking his head. “I can’t accept something that wants to kill people simply for the thrill of feeling their life leave them.”

The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. McGonagall got up to open it and saw her next class waiting for her to start the lesson. Some of the Gryffindor students who knew Remus saw him and started whispering to each other. He looked away, hiding his bruised hands in his lap. McGonagall left the office to write on the board and assign the class an essay, then returned to the essay and closed the door again. Remus had pulled out a chocolate bar and was nibbling on it, curled into a ball on the chair. He felt like a naughty child getting scolded.

“Why do you like chocolate so much?” McGonagall asked after watching him for a moment.

“Chocolate is bad for dogs,” Remus replied simply. “Dogs are related to wolves so chocolate is bad for wolves.”

McGonagall’s face filled with pity and Remus looked down to avoid the look, despising the feeling of someone pitying him. It was one of the few things he had always hated.

“If you could,” McGonagall started quietly. “Would you turn back time and stop yourself from being bit?”

Remus thought for a while. “No,” He murmured. “I couldn’t. If I hadn’t been bit, then I wouldn’t have had to move as much as a child. I wouldn’t have been isolated from everyone my age, so I wouldn’t have started reading as many books. I wouldn’t be who I am today. While I might be healthier, I might not have been sorted into Gryffindor. The hat was debating between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, and if I hadn’t been isolated and read so much, I wouldn’t have qualified for Ravenclaw. It put me in Gryffindor because it thought I was brave for being able to get through the transformations and if I hadn’t been bit, it wouldn’t have done that either. I wouldn’t have met James or Sirius or Peter and everything would be different.” He looked up. “I wouldn’t change my being bit even if I could. If there was a cure and could stop me from being a werewolf now, then maybe. But not back then.”

McGonagall released the boy with a note excusing him from being an hour late to his next class and sat at her desk for a few moments, contemplating the wisdom the boy had spewed out. He was truly a smart child, much more introspective than she thought, and she knew that she would enjoy teaching him, when he was back to good health.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh how wrong she was. 

When Remus was finally at his normal health, the boy was a holy  _ terror  _ to teach. He pranked people constantly, although he focused on Sirius and James, and sometimes even got the teachers. Of course, there was no way to prove it and his friends would take the blame for his behavior, simply because the teachers didn't believe that such a young, sickly boy could be such a troublemaker. 

One day, the boys got together and began planning pranks with each other. Their first victim was Lucius Malfoy, who Sirius had taken an extreme disliking to since the Slytherin boys had knocked them down about a week ago. Sirius had suggested that they do something to him, but neither him nor James could figure out what until Remus spoke up. After he’d shared him idea, the two stared at him.

“Remus, you’re a genius,” James told him.

“An evil genius,” Sirius continued. “But a genius.”

The pranks took two week to research, but the setup became much easier when James revealed that he had an invisibility cloak. Once it was finished, all they had to do was wait. That Friday was when they finally saw the result of their work. 

It started at breakfast. The four boys - they had told Peter - waited excitedly and cast cursory glances to the doors and Slytherin table. Finally, their grins turned into snickers and giggles when Lucius eventually, grudgingly, entered the room. His white-blonde hair was bright pink, thanks to charmed shampoo, and he seemed very unwilling to speak. He didn’t have any of his textbooks in his hands and sat grumpily at his table. He went to grab a muffin, but it moved away from him. He slammed his fist on the table and moved to shout something that Remus thought was along the lines of “Are you kidding me!?” But what came out was so much better.

In a high-pitched, squeaky voice, Lucius shouted “I hate Slytherin! Mudbloods are great!”

He clapped his hands over his mouth and looked around the room. Everybody was staring at him and some Gryffindor girls were giggling. Laughter soon spread around the room, even some of the Slytherin kids were chuckling. None of the professors were, and McGonagall was looking around sternly, a frown passing over her face. Her gaze paused as she saw Sirius and James, already established troublemakers, but shook her head and moved on. The charms required were far too advanced for the first-years to know, she thought. Little did she know, that was what the two weeks of research were for.

The amusement continued for the entire school as classes began and Lucius showed up to his without any books. When asked why he didn’t have books, he couldn’t reply as all he could say was the slander against Slytherin house in the squeaky voice. He eventually grew so frustrated that he took a classmate’s quill and parchment and wrote “They’re all stuck to the ceiling and the words are flipped upside down and backwards.” The words stayed as they were written for a few moments but then translated themselves into Latin. Malfoy’s rage grew and he threw down the quill and stormed out of class. He wasn’t seen until the next day, when he emerged for breakfast. His hair was still pink but he seemed to be able to talk again, as he muttered irritably to his friends. 

Remus laughed as James and Sirius made fun of Lucius, but they stopped immediately as he muttered a soft remark that, after a few seconds of stunned silence, caused the three to burst into roars of amusement. They brought confused glances their way and amid the group of cackling children, Remus sat with a small smirk as he bit into a muffin, watching his friends as they slowly pulled themselves together. Sirius took one look at Remus and burst into laughter again, James quickly following suit.

The rest of the day, being a Saturday, passed quickly and mirthfully. Remus contentedly curled up in a chair in his room, absorbed in a thick muggle book that he still hadn’t finished. Sirius, James, and Peter were off setting up a new prank and Simon was, yet again, nowhere to be found. It didn’t bother Remus, the quiet. In fact, he quite enjoyed the rare bit of peace一

一Which was broken as the three boys burst in the room, laughing. Remus glanced up momentarily, then returned to his book. The next moon was only two days away, and while it was definitely going to be easier than the last one, he could feel his temper slipping and didn’t want to snap. Remus’ anger management around this time was always awful, no matter how much he’d tried to calm down near the full moons. It was difficult, because it revealed the part of him that he hated, but he did his best. Sirius bugged Remus until he put his book down with a long-suffering sigh and followed his friends to the Quidditch pitch, where students were gathered around a post.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked Sirius.

“Quidditch tryouts were a few weeks ago,” Sirius explained excitedly. “James and I both tried out. It was while you were sick.”

Eventually, Sirius made it to the parchment posted on a wall and Remus watched him anxiously. He watched his shoulder slump as he scanned the page and didn’t see his name on the team. Sirius came back, frustrated, grabbed Remus’ wrist and said, “Let’s go.”

“Wait,” Remus protested. “Wait. Follow me.” He led Sirius, James, and Peter near the Whomping Willow but far enough away that it wouldn’t attack them. The four sat at the edge of the woods Remus had gone into a little less than a month ago. Sirius stared at the ground, picking blades of grass and tearing them apart. Remus sat silently next to his friend, waiting for him to say something. James and Peter held a quiet conversation, aware that something was wrong.

“I’ve never been good at anything,” The black haired boy eventually spoke. “Not to my parents, at least. I’d hoped that if I made the Quidditch team, it may show them that I’m not a total failure, even if I’m not  _ Slytherin _ .” He spat the word as if it left a foul taste in his mouth. He looked away angrily to see the path of broken trees near them. Remus froze as he followed Sirius’ gaze and hoped he didn’t find the broken trees too interesting. To his utter horror, Sirius got up, James following, and investigated the branches, bending down and grabbing a small tuft of light brown fur.

“Wonder what this belongs to?” He asked Remus with a small grin. “Let’s go check it out.”

“I don’t think we should,” Remus mumbled. Sirius ignored him and smiled mischievously at his friend.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” His eyes held a teasing glint to them that matched the bright silver perfectly. Remus sighed and followed his friends - Peter had joined them at this point - down the path he’d created. He felt sick as he saw the destruction and soon realized that he wasn’t just feeling sick. He was going to  _ be _ sick.

“Guys-” He started before turning, racing a few feet off the path, and falling to his knees. It only took a few seconds before his friends were behind him. James turned away from the sight, his own stomach turning, while Peter and Sirius held their friend up. After a while, Sirius hoisted the boy to his feet, supporting Remus as he leaned against him. The three brought him back to the castle, James taking over nearly carrying him after a while, and took him to the hospital wing. Pomfrey heard them coming up the stairs and rushed out to see James and Sirius each with one of Remus’ arms around their shoulders, his head hanging, his face pale and sweaty, and his robes covered in crushed leaves. She quickly ushered him to a bed and shooed the other boys away. Remus lay miserably on the bed as she finally managed to get the three to leave and had almost fallen asleep by the time she came back.

“What happened?” She asked him. He shook his head.

“Dunno,” He mumbled. “Moon’s in two days, and I do get sick sometimes, not always weak from moons.” Pomfrey clucked in pity as Remus rolled onto his side, clutching his stomach. “Can we go down tonight?” He begged. “I can’t stand this here. Someone’ll see and… I can’t handle that right now.” The boy was sick off and on for the rest of the day. It was only after the sun set that his upset stomach calmed enough for Madam Pomfrey to get him to the shack and even then, almost as soon as they got there, he was sick again. Pomfrey was extremely confused and didn’t try to give him any potions as he wouldn’t have been able to keep them down long enough to work.

During the entire transformation, the wolf lay on its side, whimpering pitifully, too sick to move. When he transformed back, it was one of the first times Remus didn’t have fresh cuts to be bandaged up. The wolf had been just as sick as he was. When Pomfrey came to check on him that morning, she found the boy curled in a ball in his own sick. The stench was overwhelming and she used a spell to get rid of the mess before transporting the ill child back to the hospital wing, where he spent the next few days bedridden. It wasn’t just effects from the transformations, as James and a bunch of other students ended up with the same stomach bug. None of them were sick for nearly as long as Remus was. The longest case besides him was Davey Gudgeon, who was sick for five days. Remus spent an overwhelming nine days in the hospital wing, usually curled up in pain from his cramping stomach, clinging to a pillow. The sickness had spread like wildfire through the school and Pomfrey couldn’t find a cure except for students recovering on their own. Needless to say, she grew quite worried over Remus, and only released him after she was positive he was no longer sick. As soon as he made it back to the dorm, he went to bed and fell asleep, curled up and clinging to his pillow. It was a position that never truly left the boy, especially when he was in dire need of a comforting hand but could never get one.

October came and went, filled with pranks and fun. All too soon, November rolled around. The day after Halloween and the day before Remus’ transformation was a Sunday. The boys were all in their room, minus Simon of course. James was practicing charms with Peter, Remus was laying on his bed studying, and Sirius was at a desk, writing furiously on a piece of parchment.

“Do any of you guys have an owl?” He asked suddenly. “My family’s owl is at home and none of the school owls like me.”

Remus put his book down. “I do,” He volunteered. “Would you like to borrow him? I was just about to send him out with a letter of my own, so it’s no problem.”

Sirius nodded and after they told the others where they were going, James decided to join them with a letter of his own. When they got to the owlery, he found a school owl he particularly liked and gave it the letter. Remus found Apollo and gave him an owl treat as Sirius handed Remus two letters.

“If it’s not too much bother,” He mumbled. Remus looked at his friend, whose gaze was turned away. He seemed embarrassed to need to ask for help.

“It’s fine,” Remus told him as he found a small length of string. “I just need to tie these together so he knows they go together. What's the address, by the way?”

“Uh, 12 Grimmauld Place.”

“Hear that Ap,” Remus whispered to his owl, handing him the letters as James came back. “12 Grimmauld Place and home. Stay home for a day or two, don’t come back before the moon passes.” His voice was nearly inaudible for the last sentence as it related to his lycanthropy and he didn’t want the others to hear. After sending Apollo off to deliver the letters, he turned to his friends who were arguing playfully. He chuckled a little and rolled his eyes as he heard the topic of the argument. He stepped toward them, smacking each upside the head. 

"You're both wrong," He laughed. "The Heidelburg Harriers are obviously better than either the Braga Broomfleet  _ or _ the Gorodok Gargoyles. Come on."

James and Sirius chased after him, both arguing their points. By the time they got to the Common Room again, the three were a laughing mess. The joviality lasted for the rest of the night until bedtime. As the three began to nod off to sleep, Remus stayed awake. He waited for all four of his roommates to fall asleep then rolled out of bed and lit his wand up using the spell  _ Lumos _ and held the wand in his mouth as he quickly wrote a short note on a spare bit of parchment. He snuck out of the room and carefully made his way to the hospital wing. He was about halfway there when a bone-chilling call made him freeze, his heart in his throat.

“You! What are you doing out of bed?” Argus Filch made his way to Remus, who stopped as soon as he’d been seen. Filch reached Remus and poked him hard in the chest. “You tell me, what makes you allowed to get out of bed?”

“I- I was going to the hospital wing, sir,” Remus answered, his green eyes wide. “I’m not feeling very good and I was hoping that Madam Pomfrey might help.”

Filch grumbled. “If you’re just going to the hospital wing, you won’t be bothered if I accompany you, right?”

Remus shook his head. “Not at all.” He hadn’t been lying like any other student may have and so didn’t care if Filch followed him. So long as he wasn’t slowed down by the Squib’s slow pace.

Remus and Filch made their way to the hospital wing, where Pomfrey was making nightly rounds with her few patients. “Oh hello, Remus, Argus,” She greeted as they came in. “Are you not feeling well, Remus?” She knew about Remus’ condition, but was sure Filch didn’t. Remus shook his head with a bashful grin.

“Does he do this often?” Filch asked brusquely.

“Oh, he usually comes in during the day,” Pomfrey answered. “He’s not the healthiest boy so he’s become quite a familiar face around here. Remus, why don’t you go sit down?”

Remus did so and Pomfrey eventually managed to convince Filch to leave. When he did leave, Pomfrey came to Remus’ bed.

“Full moon is tomorrow, right?” She asked. Remus nodded.

“I left a note for my friends saying that I had to leave the school for a few days,” He told her. “So they won’t be coming in looking for me this time. That’ll help, and I can feel that this moon should be pretty normal. Last time was weird and the wolf was sick too. The time before that was awful because of the move. This time should be fairly normal for me.”

Pomfrey nodded and gave Remus another pillow. “That’s great. Why don’t you go to sleep, we can talk more tomorrow. You need some rest.”

Remus accepted the pillow and curled into a little ball, clinging to the pillow as had been his favorite position since he was sick. The next moon came and the transformation was just as painful as usual. The next morning, he came back with cuts lining his face and arms with an especially deep gash along his chest. Once he was bandaged up, he spent the next two days sleeping. The third was off and on sleep until the quiet peace of his corner was broken.

“Madam Pomfrey! Madam  _ Pomfrey _ !”

Remus opened his eyes as he drowsily thought that he heard Sirius. Quick footsteps echoed through the stone walls as Pomfrey left Remus in the middle of changing the bandages of his chest to see what was going on. She quickly yanked the curtain around his bed when she left, but he thought he’d caught a glimpse of Sirius’ scared face.

“What’s happened?” Pomfrey asked.

“We were just playing around, in the courtyard. Madam Hooch let us borrow brooms to practice our flying, but she was watching us,” Sirius explained, quickly and panickedly. “I- We don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, James’ broom started flipping around and he fell off. We don’t know if he’s hurt or where, he hasn’t said a word since it happened.”

“Alright, take him to a bed,” Pomfrey ordered. “Let me check him out.”

After a few moments, James let out a shout of pain and Pomfrey started shushing him gently, as a way to soothe him.

“Well, it’s not horrible, just a simple break in your wrist. However, I will have to leave you for just a few moments. I have a patient who I was helping when you came in and if I am to mend your bone quickly, I need my full focus. I’ll get him finished up then I’ll come back to you. Understood?”

“That’s fine,” James’ voice was taught with pain. “Just so long as nobody touches me.”

Pomfrey soon returned to Remus, whisking through the curtains and closing them swiftly, but not fast enough to prevent Sirius from doing his best to catch a glimpse of Remus. He could have sworn the face he saw was familiar…

Pomfrey carefully finished Remus’ bandages. She could have used a spell, but with the nature of the wounds and how they were acquired, she preferred to do it herself and monitor the wounds very closely. Since he’d come to the school, Pomfrey had taken Remus under her wing and now cared for the boy as if he were her son. It was hard not to, as she was a very matronly woman and Remus ended up in the hospital wing at least once per month. She helped the boy lay down and pulled a blanket up to the bottom of the bandages on his chest. As she left, he opened the book he’d been reading and soon got lost in the pages.

When Pomfrey was distracted by James’ broken wrist, Sirius slipped away to Remus’ corner. He opened the curtains, and both boys jolted a bit when they saw each other.

“What are you doing here?” Remus asked.

“I could say the same to you,” Sirius replied quickly, scanning his friend. “What  _ happened _ to you? You look as though you got torn up by wolves! Where have you  _ been _ for the past five days?”

Remus set his book down and avoided Sirius’ eyes. He had flinched at the mention of wolves but thankfully, Sirius didn’t notice. “I told you in the note, it was a family thing.”

“No family thing does that to you,” Sirius countered. “Not-”

“Sirius Black, quit bothering my patients!”

Remus sighed in relief as Sirius swiftly left his bedside. Pomfrey couldn’t have noticed him at any better time than that. His thoughts grew fretful as he returned to his book, the sounds of Pomfrey scolding Sirius echoing around the stone walls.


	7. Chapter 7

Remus returned to his friends just after dinner the next day. He’d entered his dorm quietly to hear Sirius, James, and Peter deep in conversation.

“He said it was a family thing, but I can’t think of any family thing that would cause him to be covered in bandages.” Sirius was saying.

“What if it was a family thing?” James asked. “And… Something really bad happened?”

“What if you guys asked me instead of gossiping like hens?” Remus cut in, leaning against the doorframe with his arms carefully folded. He wore a comfortable gray sweater that didn’t hurt the scratches lining his arms. His three friends spun around guiltily at his voice. Six eyes tracked him as he made his way to his bed. “It would be great if, instead of making guesses and rumors about what I’ve been doing, you stay out of it. It is, after all, my life and my right to privacy.”

After a few moments of condemning silence, Sirius spoke up. 

“Remus, when I saw you yesterday, you were covered in bandages! You looked absolutely awful and I want to know why! Who would hurt you, I-”

“I didn’t ask you to  _ pry _ !” Remus snapped. “Who and what hurts me is my business, and mine alone. You don’t need to worry about it, I know what I’m doing. And besides,” He turned away from the three, grabbing a book. “My mother’s sick.  _ That’s  _ why I left. The owl I sent was advance notification to my father that I would be arriving home soon. It’s already been set up. My father and Headmaster Dumbledore have an agreement that I can visit home for a few days once a month and spend time with my mother, so long as I keep my grades up and stay at the top of my class. She’s been sick for some time and they decided that I should go see her. If you had just  _ asked _ , I would have told you.” At the moment, he didn’t care about his sharp tone. Later, he would worry that he’d been too sharp with his friends and that they would ignore him the next day.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, stunned, then decided against it and sat on his own bed. The air in the room was filled with prickly silence until James chose to break it.

“Do you want to borrow our notes and homework?” He asked. “Just so that you don’t fall behind.”

“That would be great,” Remus replied. “I don’t want to disappoint them any more by not keeping my grades up.”

“What do you mean,  _ any more _ ?” Sirius asked suspiciously. Remus froze.

“I- Nevermind,” He muttered. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Remus-”

“ _ It. Doesn’t. Matter. _ ” He growled “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit the Ravenclaws. They, at least, don’t pry.” He stormed away, a book tucked under his arm, leaving his friends to their thoughts. Sirius watched him leave, his eyes narrowed, his mind racing. He almost turned to James and Peter to say something but realized that this theory was probably best kept secret…

-

Remus, after struggling through many flights of moving stairs, made it to the Ravenclaw Tower. By this point, he was quite fatigued and looked awful, but he couldn’t go back to his dorm, he wouldn’t be able to make it. He walked up to the trapdoor and waited for the knocker to speak.

“ Always old, sometimes new. Never sad, sometimes blue. Never empty, sometimes full. Never pushes, always pulls.What am I?” The knocker asked after he lifted it and struck in firmly on the door three times.

“The moon,” Remus answered. Every time he came to the Ravenclaw Tower, the knocker gave him a moon related riddle. It was getting annoying.The trap door swung open, the knocker congratulating him on answering the riddle as Remus passed it and climbed down the ladder to the Common Room.

“Hi, Remus,” One of the Ravenclaw third-years, an artistic young man by the name of Julian Mayfield, greeted Remus as he entered the room. He was standing in front of an easel with a big canvas, wearing a t-shirt and jeans that were covered in paint. He had a smudge of green paint on his cheek.

“Hi, Julian,” Remus replied. A bubbly first-year, a girl named Olivia Trem, bounced up to Remus. She was friends with almost everybody in the school, even some Slytherins. She grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him to where a circle of Ravenclaws sat, all with books or quills and parchment. After greeting the group, Remus curled up next to the fireplace, which wasn’t real due to all of the books in the room, and began reading his own book. He carefully made sure that nobody saw his wounds and pulled his sleeves carefully over his wrists so old scars wouldn’t poke out. He unfortunately couldn't do anything about the scars lining his hands, but the Ravenclaws had seen him enough that they wouldn’t ask.

A girl plopped into one of the cushy chairs near Remus, and he looked up to see a fifth-year Slytherin, Zoe Richmond, with her green robes torn a bit and her dark hair wild. 

“Are you okay?” Remus asked timidly. She looked up from her furious scribbling in her journal and gave him a strained smile.

“It’s fine, Remus, just some annoying classmates.”

“Is it Malfoy and Bellatrix?”

Zoe sighed and nodded a bit. “You don’t need to worry about it though, Remus.”

Remus huffed a bit. “I’m not just a kid,” His voice was filled with indignation. “You can tell me.”

She shook her head a bit. “Really, Remus, it’s nothing to worry about. I’m probably overreacting, they’ve been getting on my nerves recently. It’ll blow over in a day or two.” 

Remus quit asking questions and the two returned to what they were doing before- Remus reading and Zoe writing. Due to the amount of stairs he’d had to climb and the full moon passing just a few days ago, Remus was exhausted. The artificial heat and sounds of turning pages and scratching quills eventually lulled the boy into a deep sleep where he curled up in the huge chair. Zoe glanced at him and laughed a little. No matter what he said, he was still a child, especially when he looked so little and vulnerable as he slept. It was almost curfew when the other Ravenclaws and assorted students in the room realized Remus was asleep, and because he looked so tired, they chose not to wake him. They got Jacob Renfield, a seventh year, to carry the boy and Zoe carried his book and a few chocolate bars for him. Together, they went to Gryffindor Common Room, but were stumped on how to get Remus in until Eric, the Prefect, arrived from the Library.

“What’s going on?” He asked. “Why are you two here?”

“Remus fell asleep in the Ravenclaw Common Room,” Zoe explained. “We don’t know your password and weren’t sure how to get him in.”

Eric nodded, told the painting the password, then took the book and chocolate from Zoe, who hurried to her dorm. He led Jacob to Remus’ dorm and had him lay the sleeping boy on his bed, then sent him out, placing the book and chocolate on his desk.

“What happened to Remus?” Sirius asked.

“He fell asleep in the Ravenclaw Common Room,” Eric answered. “Must be getting sick again, he looks terrible. Make sure he eats breakfast, will you?” Sirius nodded and Eric left.

“I wonder what’s going on with him,” James murmured as he changed into his pajamas. “He disappears every month, looks awful when he comes back, and is sometimes hurt.”

“He did say he gets sick really easily,” Peter chimed in. “That could be it.”

“No, it can’t be,” Sirius refuted. “It’s gotta be something else. Remember when he came here and he looked absolutely terrible? He disappeared and came back and tore up his hands really badly. Next time he disappeared, he really was sick, but for longer than anyone else. This time, he says it’s a family thing and he was in the hospital wing covered in cuts and scratches.” He paused for a moment. “I think it’s an issue with his family. Cause he looked horrible when he came here, got better, then left and came back looking bad again. If it’s really a family thing like he says…” He dropped his voice to a whisper and beckoned his friends to come closer. “I think… I think he might be being abused. Every time he leaves, he comes back hurt. When he got here, he looked like he was sick and hadn’t slept.”

“Really?” James asked. “You think he’s  _ abused _ ?”

“Do you have a better theory?” Sirius challenged. “Or a theory at all?”

“Yeah,” James snapped a bit. “I have a theory that we should just go to sleep and leave it alone. He’ll tell us when he’s ready.”

Without waiting for a reply, he turned out the lights and the three boys followed Remus to sleep.

-

December came all too quickly for Sirius, and before he knew it, it was Christmastime and time to head home. Remus had disappeared again, claiming that it was family reasons, which only strengthened Sirius’ beliefs in his hypothesis more.

On the train back to King’s Cross, Sirius was last to change out of his robes into normal clothes. When he did, he was dressed in all black from his fitted sweater to his dress shoes. His clothes were nicer than his friends, partly because his family was quite rich, but mostly because he didn’t want to be yelled at by his mother for “Giving a bad image of the Blacks.” She was already disappointed in him enough for being a Gryffindor. He’d also spent some time styling his hair so it stayed out of his face, and pulled a dark blue beanie overtop. He’d been wearing the hat for years. His mother finally gave up on trying to prevent him from wearing it last winter. When he returned to the compartment, he slipped into his seat and sat straight and stiff as a wooden board. 

He had made a full transformation from Sirius Black the prankster to Sirius Black the refined young man his mother wanted him to be. His friends noticed the change, but didn’t say anything.

When the train stopped, the four waited for everyone else to get off before they did. They got their trunks together and stood awkwardly on the platform.

“I should get going,” Sirius muttered anxiously, standing on his toes to try to see his family and get out before the platform cleared enough and his friends saw them. “I’ll try to owl you. See you when school starts again.”

He hurried away, ignoring James’ call of “Wait- Sirius!” and attempted to find his father, a tall, severe man who would stand out in this crowd. He finally found the man and took a deep breath before moving to his family.

“Hello, Mother, hello, Father,” He greeted them. “Hi, Regulus,”

“Hi, Sirius,” His little brother answered, looking around him, wide-eyed at all the people. Sirius’ mother’s eyes narrowed when she saw the Gryffindor scarf wrapped around her son’s neck. Walburga and Orion, the two boys’ parents, began walking out of the station wordlessly. Orion took Sirius’ luggage and he and Regulus trailed behind their parents, keeping pace with them effortlessly. They were both dressed in black dress clothes, but had their own little pieces of rebellion. Sirius with his scarf and Regulus wearing a vibrant green beanie. He loved that hat ever since Sirius had given it to him last year for Christmas. As they were leaving, Regulus reached out and nudged Sirius’ hand. The eleven year old wrapped his hand around his ten year old brother’s joining them in a tight bond that rarely emerged but when it did, was stronger than the pain they endured together. 

During the short walk to their house from King’s Cross, Sirius glanced at his brother to see a dark mark against his cheek. He discreetly stopped the boy and turned his head, his silver eyes darkening when he recognized the shape. 

“Did she hit you?” He hissed. Regulus nodded and Sirius glared at his mother’s back before continuing the walk. He caught a glimpse of the thick ring she wore on her finger and anger filled him. That very ring had left shaped cuts against his face and arms countless times and in his absence, she had turned to Regulus instead. That filled Sirius with rage he had never felt before. When they got to the house, Sirius wordlessly took his trunk from Orion and hauled it up the stairs to his room. He quickly hung his robes in his closet but kept his clothes and books in the trunk. He was going back in a month anyway, so he didn’t see the need to fully unpack.

“Sirius, come down,” Walburga called. Sirius left his room and found his mother in her small study. He walked in and closed the door, preparing himself for what he knew was coming next. His mother, a deceitfully slim woman, was sitting behind her desk as she awaited her son’s arrival.

“I have received letters from Hogwarts,” She started, her voice cold. “Do you know what these letters said?”

“No, ma’am,” Sirius whispered, fearing what would come next.

“What was that?” She asked sharply.

“No, ma’am,” He raised his voice.

“They said that  _ you _ were causing trouble,” She snarled. “That your grades were bad, that you weren’t turning in assignments. That is  _ unacceptable _ ,” 

Sirius nodded, his eyes glued to his feet.

“Look at me,” Walburga hissed. Sirius did so and found that the slim woman, taller than he was, had left her desk and was standing in front of him. “That is unacceptable.” She lifted her hand and the light glinted off her ring. It was a sight Sirius was very familiar with. “You will  _ never _ allow that to happen again.” The hand swung down, the ring striking Sirius hard against his cheekbone. He stumbled back and felt the skin of his face breaking. “No son of mine will disappoint me by both being a Gryffindor  _ and _ failing school.”

It took four more strikes against his face for Walburga to decide she’d bloodied her son up enough. She sent him to stumble to his room, where he found Regulus waiting for him.

“You sit down,” The ten year old ordered. Sirius obeyed and Regulus began patching his brother up as best he could. He’d gotten used to this and had been doing it as long as he could remember. Even when it was meant for him, Sirius always took the hits.

Until he wasn’t around to do so.

“Thanks, Reg,” Sirius mumbled as he finished. Regulus nodded and gently pushed Sirius to lay down. 

“Go to sleep, Siri,” He replied. “Just go to sleep. It’ll be different in the morning.”

That was the lie the two boys had told themselves for years.

It was never true.


	8. Chapter 8

A few days later, Sirius knocked on the door of his mother’s study. When he was told to come in, he did so and closed the door out of habit.

“Sirius,” Walburga greeted him. “What do you want?”

“May I take Regulus into the city today?” He asked. “I need to get some books and do some Christmas. I think he would enjoy the chance to get out a bit and I would like to spend some time with him.”

Walburga thought for a moment. “You said you’re getting books? Does that mean you’ll be focusing more on your studies?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Sirius replied. Walburga opened a drawer in her desk and handed Sirius fifty galleons. 

“Don’t lose Regulus or let him get hurt,” She ordered. “Be back before sundown.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you,” Sirius scurried out of the room, calling for Regulus. He hopped up the stairs, told his brother to get his shoes on, and wrapped his Gryffindor scarf around his neck, pulling on his blue beanie. After the two were bundled up, they left the house and walked to the Leaky Cauldron, where the boys then went to Diagon Alley. Regulus’ hand crept up into Sirius’ - He had always been wary of the people in the Leaky Cauldron - and the boys made their way to the first store. They slipped into Scribbulus Writing Implements and left soon after, 9 galleons poorer but with lots of quills, ink, and parchment. 

Their shopping trip in Diagon Alley ended with them in the Leaky Cauldron. They’d gotten Christmas presents for their parents and things for themselves. Their bags contained books, quills, ink, parchment, magical makeup for their mother, and a few star-themed ties for their father. After he finished his hot cocoa, Sirius ordered Regulus to stay there and hurried to the pet store, Magical Menagerie, where he placed an order for a black cat, whose meows could be turned into a soothing song, to be delivered at his house on Christmas Eve. He dreaded the moment when he would invariably have to contact the shop owner after his parents told him he couldn’t get the cat for Regulus, but until then, he could pretend to see how happy his brother would be when he got the animal. Regulus had always wanted a pet.

After both boys had finished their hot cocoa, Sirius dragged Regulus to Gringott's, where he asked for twenty of his galleons to be converted to muggle currency. The goblin handed him the muggle “pounds” as Sirius ignored his brother tugging on his arm and begging him to leave the bank. 

“We’re going to a muggle bookstore,” Sirius explained. “I need to research something and none of the wizard books has anything on the topic. It’s for one of my friends.”

“What is it?” Regulus asked.    
  
“It’s about his family,” Sirius debated telling his brother, but chose to. “He leaves the school randomly and when he comes back, he looks like he’s been in a fight with a bear but he only says that it was a family thing. I’m honestly worried about him. What if he’s being abused? He refuses to tell us and he yelled at me once for talking about it to two of our friends when I didn’t know he was there.”

Regulus stayed quiet as the brothers left Diagon Alley and made their way to the muggle town. They quickly found a bookshop, and Sirius searched the shelves for a book on abuse. He finally found one and looked around for Regulus, who had vanished.    
  
“Reg?” He called softly. “Reggie, where’d you go?” He wandered up and down aisles of books to try to find his brother. After some time, he did. The ten year old was seated in the corner between two bookshelves, his nose buried in some muggle book he’d found. “Reg, it’s time to go, why’d you leave?”

Regulus jumped at his brother’s voice and looked up. “Can we get this?” He asked. “It’s pretty fascinating.” At Sirius’ hesitant nod - what would their mother say? - Regulus jumped up and followed Sirius to the checkout. The worker scanned the two books and told Sirius the total. As he was digging out the correct amount of paper notes, Regulus was watching the computer system curiously, having never seen anything like it before. Soon, the boys left after tucking their books away in their bags. As they passed a store, Regulus tugged on Sirius’ sleeve.

“Can I go look in there?” He asked. “You have to stay outside though, I think I see something for you for Christmas.”

“I don’t know, Reg,” Sirius mumbled. “Mother said not to split up.”

“It’ll be fine, Siri,” Regulus urged. “Besides, you can wait right outside the door.”

After a few moments’ debate, Sirius nodded and gave Regulus the remaining muggle currency. Twenty minutes later, Regulus came out with a bag, absolutely glowing with happiness. He gave Sirius the last of the money and the two walked home, carrying their bags. When they returned, they ran their bags upstairs and hid them in Sirius’ room, under his bed. Regulus kept Sirius’ gift and the two split up to see their parents. Sirius to Walburga and Regulus to Orion.

“Mother?” Sirius knocked on her door. She allowed him to come in and he placed the remaining galleons on her desk. “I want to… Ask you if what I got for Regulus is okay. Um, I don’t have it, I scheduled it to be delivered tomorrow, so I can cancel it and find him something else, I just thought he would like it and-”

“What is it?” Walburga cut off her son’s rambling.

“Um, I bought him a cat whose meows can turn into a song that’s really nice. I thought he would like it, especially since he likes music so much, and I would have asked you when I saw it, but I couldn’t contact you.”

Walburga thought for a moment. “We’ll see,” She told Sirius. “If I do allow it, Regulus will have to take care of it. It better not cause any problems for your father, Kreacher, or I. If it does, it will go. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sirius replied. 

“Now go,” Walburga dismissed her son. He happily left and paused on the stairs to hear Regulus practicing his violin. It had been months since he’d heard the sounds, and he closed his eyes to let the notes wash over him. After a few moments, he crept carefully up the stairs to find Regulus in his room, sitting cross-legged on his bed. His eyes were closed and his lips barely parted as the bow slid gracefully over the strings of his instrument. In the dim light of his room, the glossy wood shined beautifully, casting a nearly ethereal glow over his youthful, peaceful face. Sirius watched his brother, enthralled, until Kreacher came up to fetch the boys for dinner. Even so, Regulus laid his violin gently in its case, as if in a trance, taking great care to keep the instrument in the condition it was in. When he’d been gifted the violin for his seventh birthday, he’d insisted on caring for it himself, not allowing Orion to cast any preservation charms on it. When he looked up, he startled to see Sirius watching him. 

“How… How long have you been here?” Regulus asked.

“Oh, um… About an hour? I don’t know.” Sirius answered. Regulus’ face flamed red. He almost never practiced in front of his family, and when he did perform for them, it was short and to the point. They never had the intimacy his solitary playing held, and he was quite modest about how absorbed he would become in his music. “That was really good, Reg. Honestly, you could probably become a professional musician. You’d love that.”

If it was possible, Regulus’ face went even redder. “Maybe,” He mumbled, sliding the case carefully under his bed. “Let’s go,” He said as he passed Sirius out the door. “I’m hungry.”

Sirius laughed a bit. “Me too,”

-

The boys found themselves in Sirius’ room after dinner, Regulus clinging to his brother, flinching at the sounds from downstairs.

“It’s okay, Reg,” Sirius mumbled, his arms wrapped around his little brother. “It’s okay. They aren’t up here this time.”

Regulus whimpered and didn’t reply. He didn’t dare go across the hall to fetch his violin, and neither of them were willing to go downstairs to the piano for Sirius to play. Regulus may have been extraordinarily skilled at the violin, but Sirius would always be better than him on piano. Both boys had taken music lessons since they were four and five, and Sirius had allowed Regulus to pick his instrument first. He’d originally picked piano, leaving Sirius with violin, but both found their affinity with the other instrument and soon switched. Sirius no longer played much, but Regulus played as often as he could.

“Hey, hey,” Sirius shook Regulus just a bit. “Hey, I can make this better. You wanna know how?” He gave his puzzled brother a mischievous grin and began to sing, a song that was familiar and comforting for both of them.

“God rest ye, merry hippogriffs, let nothing you dismay. For Sirius will protect you, on this Christmas day,”

“So pass around a Butterbeer and take this time to say. Oh good tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, oh good tidings of comfort and joy.” Regulus joined Sirius in the song, their voices blending beautifully, drowning out the shouting from below them. They repeated the song until they both fell asleep, held in a tight embrace on Sirius’ bed. 

Later, when Orion came up to check on the boys, and perhaps talk to Regulus a bit, he didn’t find his younger son in his own room. Instead, he found his sons entwined together, the fearful tear tracks on their cheeks reflecting their ages. Many times, the two forgot just how young they truly were. They had grown up and matured quickly due to the constant fighting they were regularly subjected to listening to. Sirius had hardened in his eleven years, his silver eyes often defiant and defensive. But now, as both boys slept in their peaceful hug, their matching black hair tousled and identical silver eyes gently closed, they didn’t look like little ones aged beyond their years. If anything, they looked younger than they truly were. Orion could see, in Sirius’ slightly maturing face, signs of the trademark aristocratic Black beauty. If only, Orion thought, he reflected the family values as well. He would make a wonderful heir if only he did as he was told. With a soft sigh, Orion left his sons, travelling back down the stairs to spend a sleepless night at his desk.

  
  


-

Remus was having a much different holiday than Sirius. After finding his family and wishing James and Peter farewell, he and his parents left the station. As they traveled home, he chattered ceaselessly about the semester, telling them about everything he’d learned. Lyall and Hope exchanged a relieved look as their son continued talking, showing energy that he hadn’t in a very long time. He’d kept going until they made it home, over an hour later. The holiday break couldn’t have come at a better time: He was still in good health before his next transformation, and had had plenty of time to recover from his most recent one. Only a particularly deep gash on his shoulder was still healing, and that was only because it had reopened after Lucius had tripped him on a flight of stairs. Sirius and James had immediately ran to make sure he was okay, and they’d eventually gone to the hospital wing after discovering that the wound had reopened. He’d hoped to hide the gash but had been forced to say that it was a family thing after the two had pressed him to tell them. Sirius’ eyes filled with suspicion and James had nudged him, muttering softly that he needed to calm down.

Remus didn’t say anything about his transformations to his parents until they asked about them, where he’d uncomfortably told them about the questions he’d endured from his friends, the fight he’d gotten into with Sirius, and his fall caused by Malfoy.

When he got home, Remus, like Sirius, didn’t bother unpacking. Instead, he spent that day and the next making Christmas cookies with his mother, going out shopping with both parents, carefully wrapping the presents he got for both of them on Christmas Eve, then curling up in his bed, shaking with excitement on Christmas Eve, completely unaware of what was happening with any of his friends.


	9. Chapter 9

“Sirius! Sirius, wake up!”

Sirius rolled over and groaned as Regulus bounced on his bed. “What?”

“It’s  _ Christmas _ , Sirius, wake up!”

The eleven year old pushed himself up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and gazed blearily at his brother, who was grinning widely, dressed in dark green flannel pajamas. Sirius, wearing deep red pajamas, rolled off his bed and landed with a thump on the floor. “I’m up,” He chuckled softly. “Now shoo.”

Regulus hopped out of the room, presumably to see if Kreacher would let him help make breakfast, and Sirius gently tugged a large box from under the bed. He looked in to see the bright green eyes of a black cat staring up at him. He scratched its chin with a finger and refilled its small food bowl.

“Hi, kitty,” He whispered. “You’re gonna go to my brother today. I just need you to be quiet for a few more hours, then you can be out of that box for as long as you want, okay?”

The cat meowed, the sound a soft tinkling of bells at the moment. Sirius mumbled the incantation to cause the cat’s meows to be normal, and thought back to the day before, when he’d had the cat delivered.

_ Sirius sat on the porch steps all day until the man came by with the cat. He carried a large box, and when he saw him walking down the street, Sirius hopped up, opened his door, and called: “Regulus, go to your room real quick! I’ll tell you when you can leave!” He then closed the door and hurried down the steps to take the box from the man, who expertly balanced it on one arm and opened it with the other. Sirius stood on his toes to look inside and saw a black cat peering back at him with extraordinarily bright green eyes. It had a white music note shaped patch on its forehead, and was quite little. _

_ “The cat’s just a kitten,” The man explained. “It’s got a bag of dry cat food and a set of bowls, one or food and one for water. There are a few toys for it to play with. You’ve already paid for it, according to the delivery slip. Are you Sirius Black?” _

_ “I am,” Sirius replied. “So… Am I able to take the cat now or do I have to sign for something?” _

_ “You can take it.” The man told him. “It’s a nice cat, very calm and gentle. I think you’ll like it.” _

_ “Thank you,” Sirius took the box from the man, who tipped his hat to the boy and left. Sirius took the box to his room and closed the door, telling Regulus he could leave his room. Sirius opened the box and allowed the kitten to crawl out and stretch its legs. As it did, he rummaged around in the box and found a strip of paper with the incantations to turn the cat’s meows to song and back. It also gave a few instructions on how to care for the kitten. _

_ “So you’re a male?” Sirius asked the kitten who, unsurprisingly, didn’t reply. It just looked at him, intelligence glimmering in its eyes. “You look smart. The paper says you can learn songs and mimic voices if they’re singing. Can you really do that?” _

_ The cat meowed at him and sat in front of him.  _

_ “I guess that’s a yes..” Sirius looked at the cat and murmured the incantation. “I’d like you to learn this song. You’re going to be a gift to my little brother and the song I’m going to teach you comforts him when I’m away.” He sang the same tune he and Regulus had sung merely the day before, and asked the cat to repeat it. It did, perfectly mimicking Sirius’ voice. He sighed happily. “Thank you. Now, I’ll let you roam around my room, but if the door opens, you have to hide under the bed or in your box if the door opens. I don’t want to risk my brother discovering you. Can you do that?” _

_ The cat responded in a bell-like sound. Sirius petted its tiny head with his thumb. It closed its eyes and leaned into the gentle caress with a soft purr. Sirius stayed in his room with the cat until he was called for dinner, where he quickly filled up the gray porcelain bowl with food pellets for the cat, put the bowl in the box, and carefully closed the door with the kitten inside. When he returned and got ready for bed, the kitten hopped onto his chest and curled up in a little ball, filling Sirius’ ears with the soft sound of its purrs as he fell asleep. _

“Sirius, hurry up!” Regulus’ voice came in as he turned the doorknob. The cat darted under the bed as Sirius shoved the box under and jumped up to leave. Regulus opened the door and glared at him. “You’ve done nothing! Come  _ on _ , Mother and Father won’t let us open our gifts until we’ve eaten breakfast!”

“I’m coming,” Sirius answered, glancing back to see two bright points watching him from the shadows under his bed.

Breakfast was a quick, quiet affair. Contrary to his usual calm demeanor, Regulus squirmed and wriggled the entire meal and, as soon as he was dismissed, darted from the dining room, shouting “Thank you, Kreacher!” over his shoulder as he ran to the living room to sit in front of the Christmas tree. Sirius soon followed, wanting to spend as little time alone with Orion and Walburga as he could. Their parents joined their excited sons soon after, knowing that there was only so long the boys would wait. As soon as they emerged from the dining room, Regulus darted to the tree and grabbed two wrapped presents, giving them to Orion and Walburga after checking the tags.

The celebration ensued as the family opened presents. From Orion, Sirius got several Charms books. At his inquisitorial look, Orion explained the gift.

“In the letters we received, you were always near the top of your Charms classes. I thought it may do you some good to learn some more advanced Charms when you’re at school. You might as well learn something you enjoy.”

“Oh,” Sirius mumbled, dumbstruck at the thought his father had put into the books. “Thank you.”

Both boys received quills, ink, and candies from Walburga. Regulus got a violin care kit and some sheet music from Orion, and then it was time for the gifts from each other. Usually, the gifts the brothers gave each other were the most special. Last year was the green beanie Sirius had given Regulus. In return, Regulus had given Sirius some wizarding puzzle books, some of which were extremely complicated. Sirius still hadn’t managed to solve them all.

“You go first, Reg,” Sirius told his brother. “I have to get yours from upstairs.”

Regulus wordlessly handed Sirius a well-wrapped box. He tore into it gently, taking great care not to rip the paper. Once the paper was removed, a bland cardboard box rested in front of Sirius, who opened it. He pulled out a leather jacket and looked at Regulus.

“Father charmed it so it’ll always fit you perfectly,” He explained. Sirius, ran his hand down the front of the jacket, reveling in the feel of the cool leather, then put it on over his pajamas. He grinned at Regulus, who smiled back, then stood up to get Regulus’ gift. He first moved the box and all of the kitten’s things to Regulus’ room, then scooped the cat out of the box and carried him, tucked under his jacket, down the stairs. 

“You ready?” Sirius asked with a smile. Regulus nodded and Sirius moved his new jacket to reveal the kitten. He crouched down and put it on the floor, where it stretched and trotted over to Regulus, sniffing his hand.

“He’s a magical kitten,” Sirius told his brother. “If you say _ canto _ , his meows will turn into songs. If you say  _ dico _ , he’ll go back to normal meowing.”

“Does he have a name?” Regulus asked, petting the kitten gently. Sirius shook his head.    
  
“That’s up for you to decide,” He answered. “You get to name him.”

Regulus hummed softly. “Cantantrix,” He murmured. “Trix. That’ll be your name.”

Cantantrix meowed at Regulus. Sirius smiled and petted the kitten a bit.

“He’s a smart cat,” He told his brother. “I taught him a song last night. You can teach him things too. And he stayed quiet all of yesterday and today. He hid when the door was open, too, which I only told him to do once.”

“Regulus, Sirius, why don’t you two take your presents and go upstairs?” Walburga asked- closer to ordered. The boys exchanged a look as they gathered their things. They knew what would come. Their parents would fight over some unapproved gift, something may get broken, and everyone would pretend that nothing happened the next day, when they went to visit their family. Regulus, due to his other presents, was unable to pick up Cantantrix. Thankfully, the cat was smart, and he trotted up the stairs just ahead of Regulus, who Sirius had insisted went up first. On his way to his room, where they often hid during their parents’ fights, Sirius slipped into Regulus’ room and grabbed his violin case, as well as Cantantrix’s bowls and food, carefully balancing everything. Regulus, confused at the delay in Sirius’ arrival into the room, peered out then rushed forward to remove some of his brother’s burden. 

“I have a feeling they’re going to be going at it bad today,” Sirius whispered as the yelling began. The boys flinched and sat on Sirius’ bed, Cantantrix hopping up to sit between them. Regulus pulled out his violin, but before he could play, they heard a few words clearly.

“ _ You _ enchanted- jacket!”

“Thought- suited him!”

“ _ Disgrace _ !”

Regulus slumped over, a far cry from his normal perfect posture, and laid the bow back in the case. “This is my fault,” He mumbled as he replaced the violin and closed the case, no longer in the mood to play. “It’s about the jacket this time. I should have known Mother wouldn’t approve.”

“Reg, I got you a  _ cat _ before I thought about what Mother would or wouldn’t approve of. I think you’re fine,” Sirius glanced at Cantantrix and rubbed his head. “Trix, do you remember the song I taught you yesterday?” The kitten meowed. Bells again. He seemed to like bells. “Can you do it? Sing it, I guess?”

The cat sat up, fully aware that the brothers’ eyes were glued on him. When he opened his mouth, Sirius’ voice flowed out instead of his own. Listening to the words, Regulus’ eyes began to glimmer with unshed tears.

“I taught him last night, after he was delivered.” Sirius explained. Regulus leaned up against him as the cat repeated the short song. It was strange for Sirius to hear his own voice coming from a cat, but he supposed that there could be worse.

Hours passed. The boys occupied themselves as much as they could, finding much of their time spent in playing with Cantantrix. Footsteps were heard on the stairs. It wasn’t unusual for one of their parents to come up to the second floor after a fight, so Sirius wasn’t initially worried. He tensed, however, when he heard how erratic and heavy they were and true fear shot through him. He recognized those footsteps. His father was drunk. His father was a very violent, angry drunk.

He jumped off his bed and locked his door, then tried to shove Regulus into the closet before Orion got into the room. It was too late, however, when he heard “ _ Alohomora _ ” from the other side of the door. Sirius tucked his brother behind him, guarding him from the tall man entering the room. 

Orion slurred a bit as he staggered across the room to his sons. Cantantrix, being a smart cat, had darted under the bed the moment the doorknob began turning. Orion never saw him. He punched Sirius, who stumbled but somehow kept Regulus behind him. The drunken man, holding his wand, then muttered three words, one of which Sirius feared more than anything.

“Filthy Gryffindor,” Orion growled. “ _ Crucio _ .”

-

Remus got Christmas cookies, books, a knitted sweater, and a painful transformation.

James got candies, a blanket, socks, and too little sleep.

Peter got lots of food, a candle, and a stomach ache from too many sweets.

Regulus got a cat, books, and was traumatized.

Sirius was tortured.


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius walked next to Regulus, carelessly pushing his trunk in front of him. He had stubbornly worn his leather jacket over his clothes, and given the events from Christmas, Walburga put up little argument. Sirius had thought he’d seen a bit of regret in her cold eyes the day after Christmas, but dismissed the notion. That woman couldn't feel remorse if it hit her in the face. Regulus glanced up at his brother, his hands jammed nervously in his coat pockets. He hadn’t been the same for the ten days since Orion had cast the Cruciatus curse. Nobody had. Sirius hadn’t left his room the day after. Regulus had lied to the visiting family that Sirius hadn’t been feeling well since the day before. It wasn’t entirely false, but they took it to mean that Sirius was sick. 

Orion hadn’t come with them to King’s Cross. It was just Walburga and Regulus accompanying Sirius. Their father had hardly been seen since Christmas, but still more than Sirius, who only left his room for meals and the bathroom.

Except for the day before, after he’d finished packing. He crept from his room, his footsteps on the stairs startling Regulus and Walburga, who looked up to see his pale face peeking wide-eyed from behind the wall at the curve in the stairs. His silver eyes searched the room before he crept silently and quickly down the remaining steps and vanished into the other room. After a few minutes of confused silence, during which Cantantrix left Regulus’ lap and followed Sirius, the faint sound of their piano drifted into the room. It slowly got louder and the melody became quite familiar to Regulus, who moved to the doorway of the other room to see Sirius sitting at the piano, emptily staring straight ahead, tears rolling down his cheeks as his slender fingers pressed the piano keys delicately to create an intricate melody that brought nostalgia to Regulus’ thoughts. Since then, he’d remained emotionless and silent.

Just like now.

They went through the wall at the Station easily, as always, and Sirius put his trunk on the train before returning to his family, standing near them silently. Regulus nudged him a bit and when he looked at him, pulled Cantantrix out of his pocket. The tiny kitten somehow managed to fit in the big pocket, something Regulus discovered last night. Sirius’ eyes widened and he looked up at Walburga, who was watching them without complaint. Regulus had told her his plan last night. 

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Sirius hissed, dragging Regulus a few feet away. “She’ll  _ kill _ you.”

“She approved it,” Regulus replied. “And besides, you need him more than I do right now.”

“Reggie,  _ no _ . I got him for you for when I was away-”

“And then our father used an Unforgivable Curse on you. You need him right now. And besides,” Regulus continued. “I found out that there’s actually a link between a few of the toys. We can send messages to each other, all you need to do is say ‘canto’ to it when you start your message, and ‘dico’ when you finish.” Regulus gave Sirius one of Trix’s puffball toys. “We can talk to each other and get the messages when we can. That way you can talk to me if you’re stressed and don’t want to talk to your friends, and I can talk to you if things get bad. It’s good for both of us.”

“Reg, even if I did agree to take Trix, how would I feed him? The school doesn’t provide constant food for the pets and I can’t get to Hogsmeade to buy some.”

Regulus gave his brother a sheepish grin. “I may have snuck his things into your trunk this morning when you were in the shower. I was desperately hoping you were going to be easier than this to convince. I also taught him ‘yes’ and ‘no’ so you can ask him yes or no questions and he’ll answer in my voice.  _ Canto _ , Trix, do you want to go with Siri?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Trix mewed back.

“What if you actually only taught him ‘yes’ so he would only answer yes to that question?” Sirius challenged.

“Trix, are you a white dog?”

“ _ No _ .”

“See, Siri?”

The eleven year old let out a weak, breathy laugh and took the kitten, who woke up and clawed his way to Sirius’ shoulder. Regulus was relieved to see his brother’s tiny smile as he petted Cantantrix. His eyes were still empty, and the expression was tiny, but it was the most he'd shown since the night with the piano. The train whistle blew and Sirius wrapped his brother in a hug, muttering, "Thank you, Reg,"

Sirius released his brother and hopped into the train, waving goodbye to his mother, then walked to the compartment where his friends sat. They looked up when he came in and though he kept his head down, he knew they saw some of the cuts scattered along his face. Less than two weeks wasn't enough for his face to heal. After he sat and looked up, however, their reactions were much more palpable. 

"Sirius…" James started. "What happened?"

Sirius avoided his friends' eyes by taking Trix from his shoulder and letting the kitten settle in his lap. "Nothing. Got in a fight."

"Unless whoever you were fighting with had a ring, that's not from a fight." Remus cut in, a fresh cut running down the side of his jaw, studying a shaped bruise caused by Walburga's chunky ring emblazoned with the crest of the House of Black. 

“Yeah,” Sirius answered. “They were.”

Peter’s beady eyes were narrowed. “There’s something more going on there.”

“What?” 

“I’ve seen you after fights. Even after that really bad one with Malfoy, you just walked it off. Now, you just look… Different.”

“Different how?” Sirius tried to force his voice into a demanding tone. He couldn’t let them know what Orion had done. He couldn’t.

“Peter’s right,” James murmured “You look… Shaken. What really happened to you?”

“Where did the jacket come from?” Remus cut in, seeing how uncomfortable Sirius was and relating to it. “And what’s with the cat?”

“Rem,” James scolded as the train began to move. 

“What?” Remus shot back. “He doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe question him later.”

“I got the jacket from my brother at Christmas.” Sirius replied. “I gave him Cantantrix in return.”

“Cantantrix?”

“The cat.”

“Well, why do you have it?”

“Him. Reg thought that I needed him more than he did.”

“Why?” James asked. Sirius turned to completely face him and gave him a full view of his beat up face. James took in his blackened eye and cut lip.

“No idea, Potter, why don’t you explain?”

“Unneeded,” James scowled, turning to face the window. Peter went back to reading a book, and Remus continued studying Sirius.

“Peter was right, you do look different,” He mumbled as they got off the train. “Empty. Like something awful happened and sucked your soul out.”

“Maybe it did,” Sirius answered darkly. “Now if you don’t mind, I would prefer not talk about it.”

“If you don’t ask where I go every month or how I get hurt, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Sirius hesitated then turned to shake Remus’ outstretched hand. “I can’t promise James and Peter won’t bother you.”

“Likewise,” Remus chuckled.

The night flowed by in shades of gray for Sirius. He had very little appetite and supposed that this must be how Remus felt when he looked sick and didn’t eat. Later that night, Remus gave Sirius one of his chocolate bars.

“Is this what it felt like for you?” He asked.

“What?” Remus was confused, startled.

“First few days of school. You looked sick and hardly ate.”

Remus debated for a few moments. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. Like everything’s-”   


“Gray. No feeling left, just tired of being tired. Exhausted but you can’t fall asleep.”

Remus sat next to Sirius, stunned. “I know I promised I wouldn’t ask but what’s gone wrong? The Sirius I know would never say that.”

Sirius choked out a harsh, bitter laugh. “The Sirius you know isn’t Sirius.”

Remus grabbed Sirius’ wrist and pulled him up from the couch they were sitting on, dragging him to their dorm. Cantantrix followed them, meowing indignantly at Sirius for dumping him off his lamp. Sirius apologized to the kitten, who quieted down. Luckily, none of their three roommates were in when the two reached it. Remus led Sirius to his bed and sat him down.

“Explain.” He demanded. “Now. Something is seriously wrong and I want to know what it is.”

“This breaks your side of the deal,” Sirius told him. Remus shrugged.

“I don’t care. What you’ve said is not okay and if you tell me, I won’t tell James or Peter. That’s up to you.”

Sirius sighed. “You know, you’re really being a hypocrite right now.”

“I know. But I also know what it’s like to have a terrible secret that you both do and don’t want people to find out.”

Sirius stared at Cantantrix as he petted the kitten. His intelligent green eyes gazed at Sirius’ empty silver ones, and he let out a deep breath. “The whole ‘empty’ thing is much easier to explain, really. You ever heard of the Cruciatus curse?”

Remus’ eyes widened as he gasped sharply. “You… That’s what…? Who?”

“My father,” Sirius grinned wryly. “He was drunk at the time, which he doesn’t usually do, but he and my mother were fighting and he usually drinks a bit on Christmas.”

“This happened Christmas?” Sirius nodded. “Why didn’t your mother stop him?”

“Why would she?” He retorted sharply. “She’s the one who did this-” He waved a hand over his beat up face. “- And besides, she didn’t even know till she heard my screams. She was in her study.”

“She-?”

“Courtesy of the oh-so-wonderful Black Family Ring. Solid gold, enchanted to be hard as diamonds. Only the best to beat up your Gryffindor son with, am I right?”

Remus wordlessly sat next to his friend. He felt as though he might cry, but was too stunned to.

“Hey, it’s not like it’s my first time,” Sirius told him. “Third time for the curse. And I’m no stranger to the Ring.”

“Sirius, that’s… That’s not okay.”

“No, what’s not okay is when she hits Regulus. He’s just a little kid, he doesn’t deserve it.”

“You… You’re a kid too.”

“No, Remus,” Sirius finally met Remus’ eyes. “I stopped being a kid six years ago.” 

The conversation stopped when they heard laughter and voices.

“I’m going to unpack,” Sirius told his friend. “Might as well do it tonight.”

“Hey, guys,” James greeted them as he and Peter walked in. “What are you doing?”

“Unpacking,” Remus answered, laying down and petting Cantantrix.

“That doesn’t look like unpacking,” Peter teased.

“I’m feeling lazy,” Remus defended.

“Let me rephrase,” Sirius cut in. “ _ I’m _ unpacking. He’s just sitting there and petting my cat.”

“I am  _ lying _ here and petting this beautiful cat who just so happened to be on your bed when I sat down,” Remus retorted playfully, a smirk playing on his lips. Sirius snorted and quickly finished unpacking, then pulled out a small blue puffball from the pocket of his jacket. He set it on his desk before he took off the jacket and turned his back, changing into his pajamas. He didn't particularly care about changing in front of his friends, especially since he didn’t feel like he had the energy to leave the room. As it was, he hardly had enough in him to fill Trix’s food bowl and pick up a few toys out of his trunk.

“Scoot.” Sirius grabbed the enchanted puffball as Remus rolled to the side of the bed and Trix hopped off the bed to eat. Remus looked over at his friend as he heard him whisper something. He had to puffball raised to his lips and was speaking in such a low voice that Remus couldn’t hear him. When he finished, he put the puffball on his desk and threw a toy for Cantantrix to chase. After tossing it a few times, he dropped it on the ground. “Shoo,” He told Remus, who didn’t question him and went to his own bed, picking a book to read. 

Cantantrix realized that Sirius wouldn’t throw the ball anymore and hopped up onto the bed with him. He rubbed his thumb against the kitten’s nose bridge. “ _ Canto _ ,” He whispered. “What songs do you know? Reg was practicing a lot, I’m sure you picked something up.”

Trix settled next to Sirius, who was curled up on his side. He fell asleep earlier than the rest of his friends, his black eye aching, to the sound of Regulus’ violin.


	11. Chapter 11

Sirius’ cat, Cantantrix, became a common sight around the school in the following months. He was quite an intelligent cat and could often tell who needed him. Sirius and Remus often passed him around, Remus taking him more around his moons. Of course, nobody knew why the two attracted like magnets, but Sirius didn’t question it. It aligned with his disappearances and when he looked sick. Sirius had Trix the rest of the time, still recovering from his father’s curse.

“Why do you keep talking to that puffball?” James asked one night as they were working on homework. Trix had hopped on Sirius’ shoulder, his favorite perch, as Sirius was murmuring to the toy.

“It’s enchanted so that my brother and I can send messages to each other without our parents finding out. We didn’t know about the toys’ enchantment until the day or so before I left after Christmas.” Sirius replied after he’d finished his message. Trix jumped off his shoulder when he moved to replace it and settled on the book Sirius had open. “Hey, come on, Trix, I gotta do my school.”

The magical cat, put in Dico, meowed at Sirius. Remus chuckled a bit.

“I don’t think he particularly cares,” He told his friend. This was in January, two days before his transformation, so he was working ahead on his Transfiguration homework. McGonagall, knowing of his condition, had graciously agreed to allow him to do his work early. Sirius grumbled under his breath a bit and moved the cat, shoving hair out of his eyes. It was growing long, longer than his parents had ever allowed, and constantly fell in his eyes, but he didn’t care. Sirius couldn’t care less about what his parents thought since they weren’t around to tell him off for what he did.

As Sirius finally sat down at his desk to actually do schoolwork - which Remus was surprised about, he never did - James tossed a wad of paper at him, grinning. It bounced off Sirius’ back to the floor, where Cantantrix started playing with it, perhaps taking revenge for his banishment. The four focused on their homework for an hour, where Remus finished his extra work and put it to the side on his desk. Peter was sitting on the floor staring hard at a scroll of parchment and his Charms textbook, struggling with the writing assignment they were given that day. Remus slid off his bed, groaning quietly at the ache that had settled into his bones, and kneeled next to Peter.

“What are you having trouble with?” He asked softly. Peter glanced up at him and tossed his quill down in frustration. His hand hit his inkwell, which tipped over, spilling ink all over his parchment. Remus quickly righted the well and hurried to his trunk, pulling a black hand towel out and mopping up the ink. He used a spare piece of parchment and carefully wadded up the ruined piece, wrapping it in the clean piece He threw it in his rubbish bin, his hands covered in ink, as James grabbed a new piece of parchment, setting it to the side as he used Remus’ towel to wipe up the rest of the ink. 

“I’m sorry,” Peter whispered, staring at the stained floor and the ink on his pants and hands. He almost seemed like he would cry.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Remus reassured him. “Why don’t you grab some new clothes, we can go to the bathroom and wash up. Okay?” Peter nodded and looked at his hands.

“I’ll bring his clothes,” James volunteered. “And the towel.”

“Why don’t we all just go and change into pajamas?” Sirius asked. “It’s getting late anyway. James and I can carry the clothes.”

Remus nodded and James and Sirius helped Remus and Peter open their trunks and grab their clothes. James carried the towel while Sirius carried the group’s clothes. The four made their way to the bathroom and as Remus and Peter washed their hands, Sirius set their clothes down and went to take a shower as James turned a faucet on to wash the towel. He helped to bring Peter’s spirits up about the incident as the four eventually went to shower. About an hour later, they were all gathered back in their room, Remus and Peter back on the floor as James and Sirius played with Cantantrix. The paper wasn’t difficult, but it required knowledge of a few charms they’d recently learned that Peter hadn’t quite understood yet. Remus walked him through the paper and by the time they’d finished, it was an hour from curfew and Remus was exhausted. 

“I’m gonna go to bed,” He yawned. “I’m beat.” He settled into his bed, wrapping the blankets around him comfortably. However, whatever he did, he couldn’t manage to fall asleep. He didn’t want to get up, so he laid in a strange state of half- awake exhaustion for a few hours before finally falling asleep.

-

When Remus woke up on the day of the full moon, he felt like he’d been hit by a train. None of the symptoms of transformation had shown up yesterday and it seemed like they’d all decided to hit that morning.

“Remus, wake up,” James shook his shoulder again. “We gotta get ready.”

Remus groaned as he forced himself to sit up, his arm shaking. 

“You look awful,” Sirius’ voice cut in over the sounds of Peter hunting for his shoe. He’d paused in pulling his shirt on and had a couple buttons unbuttoned.

“Feel like I’ve been hit by a train,” He replied, stumbling from his bed and searching for his clothes. Once he found them, he pulled his bed curtains closed to get dressed without revealing his scars. Sirius was too nosy for his liking and he wanted to avoid an interrogation. He opened the curtain once he’d finished buttoning up his shirt and went to put on his tie then pull on a gray jumper. It was getting chilly and although he didn’t suspect he would be going outside until his transformation, it still was cold in the castle, especially to his suddenly heightened senses. To his relief, there weren't any classes today due to it being a Sunday, but he didn’t want to raise suspicion by randomly leaving. He might leave about lunch, he decided, depending on how he felt.

“Come on, Remus, let’s go. We’re gonna be late,” James told him as he pulled his winter robes on. 

“Sorry,” Remus replied. “I’m coming.”

He followed his friends, yawning as he rubbed his eyes. His mouth twisted as the clamor from the Great Hall caused his head to throb in pain. When the four sat down, he grabbed a muffin only to plop it back down as his stomach turned in rebellion at the thought of eating. He let out a soft huff in annoyance as his lycanthropy decided to ruin his morning, but he supposed that this was better than having the symptoms for multiple days. 

“Remus, are you okay?” Sirius asked. “Your face is really red and you look sick.”

Remus lifted the back of his hand to feel his cheek, which was burning quite hot. He sighed in annoyance, as his face only got hot when it was going to be a bad night, and that symptom was rare. It almost never happened.

“Just don’t feel great,” He answered. “I’ll probably be fine tomorrow.” _No he wouldn’t._

The day crawled as Remus’ headache only got worse. He couldn’t focus on any books, and he’d already finished his homework. He was laying in his bed, pillow over his face, as his three friends were working on finishing their own homework. He’d taken his robes and jumper off, and was now in a rumpled white button-up, his tie loose, one shoe on the floor with his gray pants just as rumpled as his shirt. He could tell that his normally tame hair was a wild mess but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to move.

“Remus. Hey, wake up.”

He stirred to Sirius’ voice, not realizing he had even fallen asleep.

“Wha’ time’sit?” He slurred, half-awake.

“It’s almost dinnertime. Sun’s setting.”

Remus rolled off the bed, not caring that he was pulling off all of his blankets and things. “I need to go,” He gasped, then stopped as his head swam and his headache came back full force.

“The only place you’re going is the hospital wing,” James ordered. “You’ve been sick all day and we were pretty sure you were going to try to suffocate yourself.”

“That would have been ideal,” Remus responded, searching for a pair of shoes, then giving up when he realized that they would be destroyed anyway. He might borrow a pair of slippers from Pomfrey. He risked a glance out the window and saw that the sun was touching the horizon. “But I really need to leave,  _ now _ .”

“Where to?” Sirius asked as Remus managed to straighten up and get to the door.

“Tell you later,” He answered half-heartedly, taking off and running as fast as he could to the hospital wing, stumbling a bit at the random bouts of lightheadedness that came along. He couldn’t slow down now, he didn’t have time. He burst noisily into the hospital wing, coming face - to - face with Pomfrey.

“Where have you been?” She frowned. “You’re usually down here by now. I was coming to look for you.”

“Sorry,” Remus panted. “Fell asleep. Can we go now? We’re running out of time.”

Remus and Pomfrey made their way to the shack. “You should probably leave me to go from here,” Remus murmured to Pomfrey when they reached the Willow. He cast a nervous glance at the sun, whose rays were just peeking from behind a mountain now. “I don’t have much time left, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

For once, Pomfrey didn’t argue, instead nodding and turning to go back to the castle. Remus scurried to the shack, ignoring his bleeding bare feet as he stumbled up the stairs to the bedroom area. He hoped that the wolf would be good this time, but his flaming cheeks warned of otherwise. He turned to look between a few boards of the shack to check how much longer he had as he quickly hid his clothes beneath the bed, only to come face to face with the rising moon. Pain filled him as his bones stretched and snapped into a new place, the transformation beginning once again.

-

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” Remus hissed as he pulled his pants on. He paused to glance at the shirt still lying under the bed, but decided not to ruin the white cloth with blood oozing from the various cuts lining his torso.

He took a few moments to survey his current situation. He was sitting in the shack, wearing only a pair of pants, his scars in full view. Not only that, but it seemed that his leg was broken. Very, very broken. And he had no idea how it happened. It was rare, but sometimes his memories of the transformation disappeared, especially after a bad night. This was one such night. Along with all of that, he had new scratches along his neck and face, a few more on his hands, and he could see a sizable dent in the floor where he must have tried to claw up the floor, if the splinters embedded in his hands were anything to go by.  _ And _ his feet were still scraped up from his lack of shoes the night before. Plus splinters in his toes, which didn’t help his broken leg any. He felt weak, shaky, and very annoyed. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes his pre- moon temper stayed after the moon. This was, once again, one of those times. He attempted to stand up, but crumpled as soon as he put weight on his leg.

“Ridiculous,” He muttered as he stared at the door, willing Pomfrey to come faster. “Absolutely ridiculous. Remus Lupin, the werewolf of Hogwarts, is defeated by a broken bone and a few splinters. Such a fierce, undefeatable beast.”

Soon, he heard Pomfrey coming up the stairs, the creaking wood irritating his head, which had  _ so kindly _ decided to hurt once more. Just lovely.

“What on earth have you done to yourself this time?” Pomfrey breathed when she saw Remus’ state. He gave her a slight, sideways grin, holding his arms up.

“Mind helping me up, Poppy?” He asked. She shook her head as she charmed him to hover behind him.

“You’re lucky I’m giving you a pass on the disrespect,” She scolded.

“Aww, you love me,” He grinned, holding back a hiss as the movement irritated the still bleeding cuts on his face.

“You’re loopy,” She retorted. “Absolutely mad.” Remus let out a short bark of laughter as they floated in.

“Remus?”

His blood froze as he heard the voice.

“Remus, what are you doing? What’s going on?”

Peter walked to him and Pomfrey, concern lining his features. 

“What happened to you?” The blonde boy asked, prompting Pomfrey to answer.

“He ran into a spot of trouble and I need to treat him,” She told him shortly.

“Hey, Peter? Don’t tell James or Sirius. Please,” Remus begged. “They’re gonna bombard me and I really don’t want them to worry about me. I’ll be fine in a bit, just… Don’t tell them you saw me, okay?”

Peter nodded. “I get it. They won’t know from me.”

“Thanks,” Remus flashed his friend a pained smile as Pomfrey brought him to the hospital wing and set to treating his various wounds. He sat noiselessly, only crying out in pain when she prodded at his broken limb, which she quickly magically repaired then casted, stating that she always took extra caution with legs and that he would be on crutches for a few days. She then promptly removed all the splinters in his hands and feet, treated his many scratches and cuts, then finally left him to rest, bandages covering his hands, stitches in his cheek. It only took a bit of time for him to fall asleep. 

He was given the all clear to return to his friends the next day, leaning heavily on the crutches.


	12. Chapter 12

“What did you _ do _ ?” James demanded the moment they came back from classes to find Remus lying on his bed with the crutches leaning against one of his bedposts.

“Broke my leg,” Remus murmured, not even looking up from his book. “Practically filled my hands and feet with a wooden board. Got a bit cut up, too.”

“No, you idiot-” James took his book and smacked Remus over the head.

“Ow!”

“ _ How _ did you break your leg, shove your hands and feet full of wood and get cut up!?”

“Question,” Sirius interrupted. “By a board of wood in your hands and feet, do you mean a board in each hand and each foot? Or a board spread out through your hands and feet together? Or a board for your hands and a board for your feet? Or-”

“Sirius,” James interrupted. 

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay."

“Now, back to the important matter at hand-”

“I would probably say a board each,” Remus cut in to answer Sirius’ question.” He grinned and gave his friend a high five.”

“Remus,  _ how _ did you  _ break your leg _ ??”

“Well, James, I’ve heard that when a tremendous amount of pressure is applied to one spot, a bone cannot handle it and-”

James groaned loudly. “Will I not get an answer to my questions!?” He all but yelled.

“Nope,” Remus told him. “No answers. Sorry, but you’re gonna have to deal with your burning questions unless I feel like revealing them.”

James stormed off to his bed as Sirius pulled some rolls of parchment out of his bag. “I took notes for you,” He told him. “Since you weren’t in classes.”

“Thanks,” Remus answered, readying himself to sit up enough to put the parchment on his desk.

“No, you stay down,” Sirius ordered, hurrying to put the notes on Remus’ desk. 

“Thanks,” Remus grinned at his black- haired friend. “I was not really wanting to get up.”

“So, how’d you do it?” Sirius asked. The smile slowly fell from Remus’ face as he thought for a moment.

“I actually don’t know,” He replied. Sirius made a noise of disbelief. “It’s true, I don’t remember. It’s blank.” He flopped back against his pillows and grabbed a chocolate bar he’d been nibbling on. “I lost like, most of the night. But right now, I still feel like I’ve been hit by a train and if I eat anything but this, I’m seriously going to throw up, so don’t even try dragging me to dinner.” He took a small bite of the chocolate ignoring the wolf raging inside of him for eating the stuff. It couldn’t burst out, it couldn’t do damage, so he didn’t care if it didn’t like chocolate.

“Shouldn’t you be elevating your leg?” Peter asked. James’ eyes narrowed as he hung his robes up and Remus shrugged.

“I dunno, never broken a bone before.”

“Well  _ I _ have,” James snatched a few pillows from his bed and made his way over to Remus. “And you should be elevating, so I’m fixing that.”

He carefully picked Remus’ leg up, apologizing at his whines of pain, and quickly pushed pillows underneath. When he finally set Remus’ leg down, he sighed in relief that the ordeal was over and flopped his back.

“Never do that again,” He ordered his friend. James grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry. But it’ll hurt more if you don’t elevate it. Believe me, I broke my leg once when I was nine, it was awful.” Remus merely grunted in response as he returned to reading his book. His friends began working on their homework, occasionally asking each other questions.

“You add Bouncing Bulb next, not Moondew. You don’t add Moondew at all to the Pompion Potion, it’ll likely explode,” Remus cut into an argument between James and Sirius. “And might I ask  _ why _ you’re brewing a potion in the middle of a dorm? The smell is giving me a migraine.”

“I don’t smell anything,” Sirius told him. Remus cursed under his breath at his carelessness.

“Sharp senses,” He replied. “But again,  _ why _ are you brewing in a dorm room? Based on what I just had to tell you two, you’re going to blow something up and make a mess.”

“Didn’t feel like moving. How’d you know about the Bouncing Bulb?” James asked.

“I, unlike  _ some people _ , pay attention in Potions,”

“I pay attention!” Peter protested.

“I know, Pete, I was talking to the two idiots who think it’s more important to pass notes than listen to the lectures.”

“Come on, I listen!” Sirius laughed.

“No you don’t, you pretend to listen and after ten minutes, you ask me what Slughorn had just said!” Remus shot back. “If that’s listening, then what do I do?”

“You become an emotionless robot,” James snickered. “Completely ignoring all humanity except for the Overlord Slughorn.”

The four burst out into laughter at the bespectacled boy’s response. The group sobered up eventually and the three resumed their work. Remus eventually fell asleep and Sirius debated waking him up for dinner, but decided against it. He brought a cookie back for him, though, in case he’d woken up while they were gone. He hadn’t, so Sirius left the cookie on his desk. 

The next day, the four were faced with the issue of having Remus get to classes. He couldn’t get down the stairs very well due to his broken leg, or so the other three thought.

Once they reached the first flight, James and Sirius stared at the stairs, stumped. Remus cocked his head with a small smirk and Peter watched his friend.

“James,” Remus murmured. “Take these.”

“Remus, what-” He shoved his crutches in James’ hands and hopped over to the railing of the stairs.

“Who needs working legs?” He asked as he lifted himself onto the railing. “See ya.” 

With a laugh louder than his three friends’ protests, he let go and slid down the tall staircase, calling for people to move as he picked up speed. James, Sirius, and Peter ran after him, calling protests. Remus’ laughter stopped abruptly when he fell off the bottom end of the rail, letting out a sharp wheeze as the air was knocked out of his lungs. Sirius pushed past the rest of the people in his way and kneeled next to Remus, dropping their stuff carelessly and helping him sit up.

“Augh,” He groaned. “Think I bruised a rib.” He struggled to draw a full breath and he winced as Sirius helped him sit up. He rubbed his side as James and Peter joined them.

“What were you  _ thinking _ !?” James demanded, laying the crutches down and crouching next to his friend, scolding him.

“I wasn’t,” Remus grinned, still breathless. “It was poorly planned. Didn’t think of how I needed to stop. Would one of you mind catching me on the next flight?”

“No!” James protested before anyone else could answer. “Are you  _ nuts _ !?”

“Do you have a better idea?” Remus challenged, lifting a brow. James paused and muttered a bit. “Then it’s fine.”

James finally conceded and the three hurried to the bottom of the stairs, Peter flashing Remus a thumbs-up when they were ready. He started his descent again, laughing as his robes billowed out front behind him. His friends caught him, helped him to the next flight, and that’s how they made their way to the Great Hall. Remus could only stomach a muffin, despite his joviality, and he knew Sirius was watching him, concerned.

“I broke my leg,” He told him. “Of course I don’t have an appetite.” Unseen by Remus, Sirius snuck a few muffins into his bag when they left. It wasn’t difficult, Sirius was the one carrying his bag for him. The first two classes went well, but it was when Remus was struggling up the stairs to his third class, Transfiguration, that the problems started. He’d paused for a break and James, Sirius, and Peter, deep in conversation, didn’t notice. He’d just started continuing when he felt a jerk then his crutches fell from beneath him. He yelled in surprise as he tumbled down the stone stairs, and lay limply at the bottom.

His friends had turned at his cry and saw Lucius Malfoy and some of his gang of Slytherins - Evan Rosier, Severus Snape, and Logan Wilkes - laughing as they watched him fall. 

“Remus!” Peter cried, flying down the stairs to his friend, James and Sirius close on his heels.

“Aw, is the little  _ blood traitor _ going to check on his little half-blood friend?” Rosier called mockingly. “It’s like he thinks anybody’ll accept him!”

“Shut up, you-”

“What are you gonna do, cry to Mummy?” Rosier cut Sirius off. “Have you forgotten, she doesn’t want you? You’re a blood traitor, nobody would want  _ you _ .”

Sirius stormed up the stairs to be face to face with the third-year. “Don’t you  _ dare- _ ”

Rosier smirked. “Why don’t I just shove you down the stairs, where you belong, with your pathetic friend- Augh!”

Sirius punched Rosier hard in the nose, causing him to stumble and reflexively grab at his face.

“Sirius,  _ no _ !” James cried, bounding up the stairs and pulling his arms behind him as he swung at Rosier again. He struggled to hold his friend, but managed to do so.

“That’s right, control him,” Malfoy spat. “That’s all anyone  _ can _ do with him. It’s not like anyone likes him-”

“That’s not true!” James shouted, still holding a struggling Sirius, not trusting his friend’s fiery temper. “ _ I _ like being around him and so do Remus and Peter! You’re just jealous he’s not in your house-”

“ _ What _ did you just say, Potter?” Malfoy sneered, stepping down to be a bit closer to the to black haired boys. “You think I’m  _ jealous _ of him? He’s the only Black to not be a Slytherin, so there’s obviously something wrong with him-”

“Or maybe there’s something wrong with  _ you _ . Just go away, you only came by to cause a fight.”

Malfoy and James glared at each other for a few moments, before Malfoy shrugged and tossed his head. “Let’s go,” He called to his friends. “Wouldn’t want to be around this lot anymore. Oh, and Potter?” He glanced back. “You may want to check on your friend. He hasn’t moved since that little tumble of his.”

As the group of Slytherins walked away, James and Sirius ran to check on Remus. They crouched next to Peter, who was kneeling near his friend.

“Remus?” James asked, shaking his friend’s shoulder a bit. “Come on, can you hear me?”

“I can now,” Remus groaned. His nose was bleeding and he had a split lip, along with a black eye that was forming and a few bruises likely along his arms, covered by the long sleeves of his robes and sweater.

“How do you feel?” James questioned as Sirius stewed near him, glaring at where the Slytherins had disappeared. “Can you sit up?”

“How do you think and let’s find out,” Remus mumbled. His eyes were closed and he didn’t seem to care to open them as he struggled to sit up, even with James and Peter helping. He leaned heavily against his friends, his head swimming.

“What are you four doing out of class?” McGonagall asked, sneaking up on the four. They all jumped and Sirius, James, and Peter all looked at their Professor with guilty looks. They began stammering until Remus shook his head and spoke up.

“I was trying to get up the stairs, I assume Madam Pomfrey told you what happened, and some Slytherin boys kicked my crutches from under me. I fell and I think Sirius and James told them off, but I can’t be sure. I was, and still am, really woozy.”

McGonagall frowned and made her way down the stairs to look at Remus. She lifted his head by his chin and took in the sight of his darkening eye, split lip, and still bleeding nose. “How long ago?” She asked.

“About ten minutes I think? I don’t know.”

“Hmm…” She muttered. “Madam Pomfrey is out for the next few hours, but come with me to class and I’ll get you set up in my office if you want.”

Remus nodded and James and Sirius helped him up. “Still have to get up the stairs,” Remus muttered. McGonagall cast a levitation charm on him and his friends picked up their things and his crutches. The five made their way to the Transfiguration classroom, where Gryffindor and Slytherin first-years were working on an assigned essay. By this time, Remus was back on his crutches, his head down defeatedly. 

“You three go to your desks,” McGonagall ordered. “Mr. Lupin, come with me.” She led him to her office, where she set a towel enchanted to be cold in front of him. “Put that on your nose and eye, that should help. Can you tell me who it was that tripped you?”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask one of the others.”

Just then, a loud clatter sounded from the classroom. McGonagall stood up to check it and left the door open. Remus hopped carefully to the doorframe, the cold towel held over his eyes and nose, to see Sirius pinning Snape against the wall, James attempting to pull him off. Deeply etched into Sirius’ face was a rage-filled snarl as he spat venomous words at the first-year.

“You  _ knew _ he was going to do it! I know you did! Did you not see that he was on  _ crutches _ with a  _ broken leg _ !?”

“I didn’t know that's what he was planning!” Snape protested. “He only said that he was gonna cause you guys trouble, not that he would push a cripple down the stairs!”

Sirius slammed Snape into the stone wall, causing him to grunt in pain.

“Remus is  _ not _ a cripple! You-”

“Sirius,” Remus called. Somehow, the entire room was silent and his friend turned to look at him. “Let it go. Let him go.”

“But Remus-” 

“No. It happened. Let it go, it’s not like Snape did anything. He just happened to be with them.”

Sirius sighed and glared at Snape. “This isn’t over,  _ Snivellus _ ,” He growled, releasing the boy who crumpled to the ground. A familiar redhead, Lily Evans, hurried over when Sirius took a step back and helped Snape to his feet, glaring at James and Sirius alike. Sirius turned to go back to his desk only to see Remus hopping a bit out of the office, not having grabbed his crutches, but feeling like he needed to get closer to his friend in case he needed to diffuse the situation even more. 

“What are you  _ doing _ !?” James demanded, ushering Remus to a seat and running to grab the crutches from McGonagall’s office. “You’re not to stand up without these, you  _ know  _ that.”

Remus chuckled weakly. “You’re such a mom friend.”

“Shut up,” James laughed, then turned to Sirius, who had sat at his own dek with his head down, working on his essay as he attempted to avoid McGonagall’s piercing, disapproving stare. “And  _ you _ ,” He looked up when James addressed him. “What were you  _ thinking _ , confronting Snape like that!? There was no point to it, you-”

“I get it,” Sirius cut him off, his voice emotionless. “You’re disappointed in me. You can’t believe I would do something to disgrace you so much. I’m such a disappointment that you can’t stand to keep me around.  _ Believe me _ , I’ve heard it all before James, don’t add on to the broken record.”

Remus stared at him for a few moments, before scribbling something down and charming the ink to disappear a few moments after Sirius read it. He passed the parchment, folded, to his friend’s desk. He opened it and lifted an eyebrow before turning to Remus, a somewhat distressed look on his face.

_ ‘Don’t be like your parents. You know what I mean.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, thanks for over 150 hits! It's only 20 days since I started writing this, and I've never gotten this much this quick!
> 
> (I know I don't have any other works on here, I write under a different username on Wattpad)


	13. Chapter 13

The second half of the school year seemed to fly by for Remus. He was allowed off the crutches a week later and his friends celebrated by tiring him out as the four set up pranks. After his fall down the stairs however, he had a concussion that didn’t allow him to read for days until Pomfrey’s medicine finally healed him up. Each of his transformations came and went and he used the excuse that his mother was sick almost exclusively. He thought that it had gone well until two days after his last transformation at Hogwarts that year, May 28.

“You know I know you’re lying, right?” James asked Remus one day as Remus was resting and James was doing homework. Sirius was serving a detention and Peter was getting tutored in Potions. Remus would have offered to help except that the past moon was pretty bad. The wolf knew he was moving again, he could tell.

“Lying? About what?” He asked groggily. He’d been half asleep when James had spoken, lying on his side so as not to aggravate a long, deep wound on his back.

“About where you go each night,” James turned a page in his textbook, seemingly unaware of the blow he’d just dealt to his friend.

“Y-yeah?” 

“It’s fairly obvious. Your tell is glaring, like you want to be found out.”

“T-tell?”

“Yeah,” James turned to look at his friend. “Whenever anybody lies, they have a tell. Usually, if they’re unaware of it, they’re an awful liar. But if you know about it, you can play down the tell and even change it. Take Sirius. He’s an amazing liar, so much so that I can’t tell half, or more, of the time. But you? Your tell gives you away almost immediately.”

“What’s my tell?” Remus asked, thinking about when Sirius had lied that he’d been in a fight on the train back from Christmas break. James had been skeptical then, had he seen Sirius’ tell?

“You fidget with your hands and look away,” James answered. “You almost never play with your hands otherwise and although you rarely hold eye contact, this is full-on moving your head to look away. You probably don’t even realize you do it, it’s likely that natural to you.”

“Huh,” Remus muttered. “I guess that’s why Mum never believes me when I tell her I totally did  _ not _ sneak into town to buy chocolate.”

James laughed, then sobered up. “Why are you laying like that?” He asked.

“Uh-”

“Don’t say it was a family thing, so help me Merlin, I may hit you.”

“Well, where I’d gone,” Remus muttered. “I ended up getting injured. There’s one particularly nasty cut on my back so obviously I can’t lay on my back because that hurts. I’ve been either on my side or my stomach for two days, how haven’t you noticed?”

“This is your first day back from wherever you disappeared off to,” James retorted. “How was I supposed to notice?”

“You somehow figured out my tell, but then you’re as oblivious as a brick wall,” Remus scoffed. “Figure yourself out.” 

“You hush, you managed to tear up your back, how do you even  _ do _ that?”

He snorted. “You’re asking me. No idea.”  _ By getting hit by the Willow then deciding to fight it _ .

The room fell quiet as the boys fell back to their own thoughts.

“How are we only twelve?” Remus mumbled.

“I’m twelve!” Sirius announced as he came in. “Hi, Remus! When’d you get back? What are we talking about?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just wondering how we’re all only twelve. Most of us are fairly mature for our age.” Remus answered.  _ Most of us _ .

“Neat. Oh, by the way, I can almost guarantee I’m older than you guys.”

“Really?” James scoffed. “You’re gonna bet on who’s oldest?”

“Yup!” Sirius grinned. “So, when’s your birthday? We didn’t celebrate anyone’s this year, which is kind of weird, seeing how we’re all such great friends and all.”

“March 27,” James told him. Sirius burst into laughter and Remus grinned. “What?” He demanded. “It’s just my birthday.”

“Oh, only that I’m over four months older than you,” Sirius smirked a bit. “November third. Remus?”

“March tenth,” He replied, glancing at his friend then rolling onto his stomach with a groan. “I am in pain. I will not tell you why, but I felt that you should know.”

“Uh, okay. Thanks,” Sirius murmured. The three held a steady conversation until Remus fell silent. It was only ten minutes later that they’d realized he’d fallen asleep as James and Sirius were talking about some Gryffindor first-year girl. 

“Bloody traitor,” James laughed. Sirius grinned as Cantantrix curled next to the sleeping boy and the two continued their conversation, including Peter when he came around.

The rest of the school year ended quickly, with Remus in the best shape he could be by the time exams rolled around. The results came out the next week, with Remus’ scores higher than most of the Ravenclaws. Sirius teased him that he should have been sorted in Ravenclaw. Remus revealed that he almost was, but when asked why he wasn’t, he avoided the question. The train ride home was full of laughter and fun, but when they got to the station, Sirius left almost as soon as the train stopped, Cantantrix tucked firmly in his arms. Remus stayed behind with James and Peter, only bidding them farewell when he saw his parents. His summer was hardly different from the life he was used to before Hogwarts, except that now he had friends who owled him, telling them of the fun they were having. With each letter, Remus gave a small, sad smile and set to replying.

Except for Sirius, who didn’t send one owl.

-

Sirius ran from his friends the moment they got to King’s Cross. He anxiously searched for Regulus, both to give him his cat back and to find out if their parents had hurt him. He’d never answered the question when he’d asked through the cat toy, but just that day, he’d messaged that Orion and Walburga had gone out with the Malfoys. Walburga had returned, tipsy on wine, but Orion was drunk. Regulus hadn’t given any more detail than that, but it was enough for Sirius to be worried. What if something had happened when he was away, when he couldn’t protect his brother?

He soon found Walburga and Orion. Both were standing near the wall, talking to a family with white-blonde hair. The Malfoys. Sirius held back a groan as he made his way over to his family.

“Hello, Sirius,” Lucius greeted with fake friendliness. “I was just telling our parents about the time you charmed my shampoo to turn my hair bright neon colors.”

“Which time?” Sirius returned cheekily. “While you’re at it, why don’t you tell them about the time you decided to kick a defenseless kid’s crutches out from under him and send his tumbling down the stairs? You know, you nearly knocked him unconscious and he had a nasty concussion afterwards.”

“Sirius, let’s go,” Walburga sighed. “Abraxas, it was wonderful to see you again. Do tell your wife that I hope she recovers soon, yes?”

“Of course,” Abraxas, Lucius’ father, replied. “Lucius, we might as well leave now that you have your things.”

“Where’s Regulus?” Sirius asked as he followed his parents from the train station. “Usually he’s here when I get off the train. He has been the last two times.”

“Your brother has been feeling a bit under the weather,” Walburga answered shortly. “He’s been spending much of his time sleeping for the past few days.”

Sirius tensed at the answer. What if they’d hurt him? What if they’d hurt him so bad he couldn’t move?

When they got home, Sirius took his trunk, made sure Trix was still in his jacket pocket, and bounded up the stairs. He dropped his trunk in front of his bed, put Trix down, and knocked on Regulus’ door, pushing it open some.

The room was almost completely black. Only the light coming in from the hallway and a tiny amount of natural light peeking from his heavy curtains provided any source of light.

“Reggie?” Sirius whispered. “You okay?”

“Go ‘way, Siri,” Regulus croaked, his voice extremely hoarse. Sirius frowned and moved to his brother’s bedside. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Regulus rolled over to face his brother. In the dim light, Sirius could see a few healing cuts on his face, but what he noticed was that Regulus’ face was flushed and his silvery eyes were feverish. “Reggie, are you sick? What’s happened?”

Regulus turned to cough weakly. “What do you think?” He whispered. “I’m sick. Now get out before you catch it too.”

Sirius stubbornly refused to leave, instead deciding to tell Regulus about his semester at Hogwarts, and how he was still confused about Remus’ disappearances. The next day, he’d fallen ill as well, and Orion and Walburga eventually took their sons to St. Mungo’s, where they were both diagnosed with Scrofungulus and admitted to the Magical Bugs ward. Sirius was released in a week, having been sick for a shorter period of time with no treatment, but Regulus had it fairly bad, being stuck in the ward for a week and a half before they even considered releasing him. Even after both boys were released, they still had nasty coughs for a few weeks after, which didn’t help the next time Orion had gotten drunk.

It was a few days after Regulus was released and about a week after Sirius was. They’d been resting but Sirius had left his room to get a glass of water. Regulus was sleeping upstairs. He couldn’t do anything.

Orion was sitting at the dinner table with a glass in front of him and a bottle of whiskey next to him. Walburga was nowhere to be seen, likely in her study. Sirius made his way to the sink, grabbing a cup and avoiding eye contact with his father. He held back his coughs as much as he could, knowing that his father would likely grow irritated at the sound. He recognized the look in his eyes and feared it. It was one of the few things he feared. 

“You,” Orion growled, standing unsteadily. Sirius stopped moving, placing his glass down in the sink. He kept his head down as the drunken man made his way to his son. “You caused this.”

Sirius didn’t dare question his father. His unsteady footsteps were becoming familiar. He’d been drinking more and more as Regulus said, meaning the man was steadily growing unstable.

“You got Regulus sick,” Orion snarled. “You’ve caused so many issues for this family ever since you got sorted in that house. You’ve become a liability.”

Sirius closed his eyes and turned his face away as Orion got close enough for him to smell the alcohol on his breath. If he’d kept his eyes open, he would have seen the man reaching into the sink. He would have seen his fingers close around the glass. He would have been prepared for it to come smashing against his temple. He stumbled back, reflexive tears filling his eyes. He could feel blood trickling down the side of his face where the glass had pierced his skin. 

He knew that it wasn’t all.

Orion, in a drunken rage, grabbed Sirius by his hair. Sirius was silent as his head was bashed into the corner of a cabinet. Sirius was silent when his hands were smashed, repeatedly, in a door. Sirius was silent, only uttering a small cry when Orion took out his wand and cursed his own son.

“ _ Crucio _ .”

Sirius only fell the third time the curse was cast. The thump of his body hitting the tiled kitchen floor brought Walburga from her study. Perhaps it was Kreacher telling her something was happening. Hardly conscious with blood running into his eyes, Sirius watched his mother come to his defense, stupefying her husband and locking up his alcohol. She knelt by her son. If he hadn’t been delirious with pain, he could have sworn that he saw remorse in her dark eyes. She waved her wand over him, muttering a spell, and Sirius could feel his body going numb. His vision began swimming with darkness and as he fell into the depths of unconsciousness, his broken, bloody lips whispered three words.

“ _ Mum… I’m sorry. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Sirius...


	14. Chapter 14

Sirius woke up the next day with no idea what had happened. His entire body ached and he moaned the moment his hand twitched, as it sent waves of pain through his entire arm. 

“Siri?” Someone whispered. “Are you awake?”

Sirius’ mind, filled with fuzz, took him a moment to realize it was Regulus. Regulus was the only one who called him Siri. He felt a hand circle his own and the movement caused enough pain that he cried out. The motion stopped immediately.

“Orion, what have you done?” The voice whispered, filling Sirius with confusion. Regulus didn’t call their father Orion. He called him Father. To solve this, Sirius attempted to open his eyes. He found that they were puffy and hurt to move, like the rest of him. The room was blurry when he finally succeeded but after a few moments, his vision cleared, to show him Walburga sitting next to him, her thin hand holding his. She was watching him with some anxiety which cleared a bit when she saw that he was finally responsive. The first thing Sirius noticed about his mother was that the hand that was holding his had the family ring on it. He viewed the ring with distaste and tried to shift his hand away from the ring that had caused him so much pain. Walburga’s eyes filled with sorrow and she released his hand.

“It wasn’t you,” Regulus murmured, his voice hoarse. He wasn’t coughing. “It’s the ring. You were holding his hand with your ring hand. Use the other hand, then I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

Walburga looked down, then instead of using her other hand to hold Sirius’, she removed her ring and placed it on the bedside table near his head. She wrapped her thin fingers around Sirius’ hand again and brushed some of his wavy hair from his face, avoiding a bandage he hadn’t realized was wrapped around his head. 

“How do you feel, dear?” She asked. Sirius froze at the pet name, his eyes wide as they would go. He wasn’t used to this gentle care. It was always harsh words and harsher blows. What was he supposed to do with this kindness?

“No, Trix,” Regulus suddenly said at a normal volume, revealing that he almost had no voice, and causing Sirius to flinch at the sudden pain from his head then regret the movement at the sudden pain in the rest of him. “You can’t go on the bed, you’ll hurt him.”

Sirius mumbled a bit, reaching his fingers to the cat. Regulus saw and knelt next to his brother. “What is it, Siri?”

“C-canto,” He whispered. “Reg practice two,”

The kitten struggled from Regulus’ arms and curled up on the bed, his head pushed under Sirius’ bandaged hand. He opened his mouth and the gentle notes of Regulus’ violin practice filled the room. Sirius closed his eyes at the melody, ignoring the soft sounds of a door opening and closing. Walburga stayed, he could tell, as her thumb rubbed carefully against the back of his hand. He ignored it all, though, losing himself in the music. All too soon, it was over. Sirius was about to tell Trix to play something else when Regulus returned, holding his violin. Sirius moved his head to watch his brother come in, but stopped the moment he saw his father standing near the doorway. His breathing picked up and grew shallow and he stiffened, something Walburga noticed. She followed his eyes and soon realized what was wrong with her oldest son.

“Orion,” She called. Sirius flinched at the name. “Please leave. You’re scaring him.” Orion opened his mouth to speak and Sirius closed his eyes, turning his head away as he painfully tightened his grip on his mother’s hand, showing a childlike dependence that he hadn’t shown since the first time he’d been hit, when he was six. He trembled fearfully, blood roaring in his ears, his heartbeat speeding up.

“Orion,  _ please _ ,” Walburga nearly  _ begged _ when she saw the effect the man had on the twelve year old. 

“Siri,” Regulus tapped his brother’s hand. “Siri, hey. Look at me.” Sirius slitted his eyes open. Regulus could see how he’d changed. Fear shone relentlessly through his now stormy-gray eyes. They were no longer bright silver, instead a dark, dull gray. “I know it’s not Christmastime, but will you let me sing this, just this once?” He was met with confusion.

“God rest ye, merry hippogriffs, let nothing you dismay. For Regulus will protect you, on this Christmas day. So pass around a Butterbeer and take this time to say. Oh good tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy, oh good tidings of comfort and joy.”

“R-Regulus protect?” Sirius croaked. Regulus gave him a small, sad smile.

“Of course. It’s my turn now, isn’t it?”

Sirius let out a small puff of air. “I suppose.” His eyes began to close and Regulus found himself frantically trying to keep his brother awake. What if he went to sleep and never woke up?

“Hey, Siri, remember that Christmas when you spread flour all over the floor and took Father’s shoes to make really big footprints, just to convince me that Santa was real?”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, a smile turning his lips up. “That was all Santa.” Regulus laughed a bit and glanced up to see that Walburga and Orion had left the room. Their voices could be heard through the wall.

“Orion, I’m taking him to St. Mungo’s! Did you see what you’ve done to him? He fears you, he’s scared of you and he can hardly move! He-”

“Siri, hey,” Regulus pulled his attention from their parents to the two of them. “Hey, I have a song for you. Would you like to hear it?”

Sirius, sore and hurting, moved his head slightly to show that he did. His dark eyes tiredly watched his brother as he picked up his violin and bow, tucking the instrument under his chin and sliding the bow carefully over the strings. He watched as his silver eyes slowly closed and a serene look stole over his face. He watched as his lips parted and turned up in a tiny smile. He watched as his brother’s expressions changed with the mood of the song.

The spell that seemed to be cast over the boys was broken when the door was opened again. Sirius didn’t move but Regulus looked up. Walburga walked in, alone, and knelt next to Regulus so that Sirius could see her. Her black hair was no longer tied up, as it usually was, and a few curly strands were falling in front of her face. Sirius noted this as she took his hand again and gazed at her sons. 

“I’ve owled St. Mungo’s,” She whispered. “I requested that they send a healer to assess whether or not they needed to admit you. They’re going to help you, okay? They should be arriving soon, I’ll bring them up. You don’t have to be afraid, understand? You don’t have to be afraid.”

“Thank you, Mother,” Regulus replied softly. 

When the healer arrived, they rang the doorbell of the house. The chimes rang through the house and Walburga welcomed them in. She led the people up the stairs to Sirius’ room, where she knocked on the door before coming in. Regulus was sitting next to Sirius, who had closed his eyes. He appeared to be asleep. 

“Sirius,” Regulus murmured. “The healers are here.”

“Mm,” Sirius mumbled. “Kay.”

“You’re Sirius, aren’t you?” One of the healers asked. “Can you open your eyes and look at me?”

“Hurts,” Sirius moaned as an answer. Nonetheless, he turned his head without showing the pain it caused and slitted his eyes open, slowly opening his eyes normally. The light caused his head to throb, as did any loud noises. Regulus stood up to close the blinds, but lit a candle for the healer to have some light. 

“He’s sensitive to light,” He explained. “That’s why his eyes were closed.”

Sirius’ eyes flicked over the healer to the other person standing in the room. His eyes went wide, as wide as the other person’s.

“James?” He breathed.

“Sirius, what happened?” James Potter asked. The healer cast a dark look toward him.

“Potter, you don’t ask patients what happened to them, no matter if you know them or not.”

“Yes, sir,” James muttered, watching his friend with concern.

The healer gently removed the soiled bandage from around Sirius’ head. He sucked in a quiet breath at the sight of the wound, hardly cleaned, with Sirius’ black hair matted to the edges, stuck with dried blood. The bandage had covered the majority of his injuries, as it had wrapped over where Orion had hit him with the cabinet. He’d smashed the glass in the same place, so some of those cuts had been covered by the bandage. Needless to say, cuts had sprayed across Sirius’ face, but the worst had been covered. The healer, however, was disappointed. Whatever had happened, the ones who bandaged him up were clearly inexperienced. They’d taken the biggest chunks of glass from the wound, but didn’t make sure to get every bit. They didn’t clean up almost any of the cuts or wounds, and had only covered the wound.

“He’ll be lucky if this doesn’t scar,” The healer murmured. “You said this only happened yesterday?”

“Yes,” Walburga told him. “It was yesterday. How much can you do for him?”

“Well, first, I’ll clean this up. Potter, I need you to get my kit from downstairs and some water.” James quickly hopped up. Regulus offered to help him and the boys left, moving quickly. Sirius lay silently as the healer and Walburga spoke about what had happened. She obviously made it up, knowing that she couldn’t admit to her husband using an unforgivable curse three times on their son in a row. She told him that Sirius had been taking a walk when they heard screams. They didn’t make it out in time to see the original injuries, but they saw the attacker using some sort of curse on him. They didn’t manage to stop the attacker, who was shrouded, so they got away. Sirius didn’t care to listen, as he knew the story would be a complete fabrication, so he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

“Mr. Abasi, where do you want this?” James suddenly reappeared, Regulus right behind him, holding a large bucket of water. Abasi, the healer, motioned beside him and Regulus, who was holding Abasi’s kit, set it next to him on the other side. Abasi opened it and pulled out a wand.

“ _ Scourgify _ ,” He murmured. Sirius didn’t react to the prickling he felt as the worst of the mess cleaned itself up. After the spell had finished doing what it could, Abasi could get the full view of the wound.

It was awful looking, wide and untreated. Already it looked as though infection was setting in, with the edges looking raw and puffy. It looked extremely painful and Abasi was surprised Sirius hardly reacted. To check if he could even feel, he began prodding a bit nearby to the wound, watching the boy’s reactions. Almost immediately, Sirius had clenched his hands into tight fists, but there was no change in his face to signify that he felt anything. He didn’t make a sound but it was clear to Abasi that the gentle touch caused the boy an indescribable amount of pain. He would have to be gentle.

“This may hurt a bit,” Abasi warned Sirius as he began to carefully spread an ointment on the wound. “I’ll need to take that off, but it will help that bad wound as I work on the cuts.” He continued speaking to Sirius, describing what he was doing, to ease the twelve year old. Sirius didn’t complain once and realized after a few moments that the ointment Abasi had put on him was a numbing gel, as he could no longer feel that side of his head. Too soon, Abasi had finished caring for the cuts caused by the glass, and turned to the worst part of his injuries.

“I’m taking the gel off now, okay? It may still hurt, but you should be numb in that area. I have to remove some bigger shards of glass, so expect a bit of pain. You’re doing great.” Abasi continued treating the boy as Walburga and Regulus stood back, out of the way. James sat somewhat closer watching Abasi work, and taking note of his movements. Every so often, Abasi would tell James what he was doing, but he only let the boy hand him things, not help actually do anything on Sirius. Finally, Abasi was ready to stitch up the wound, which would help prevent infection with it no longer being an open wound. He warned Sirius just before the needle went in.

Sirius stiffened in pain, as the numbing gel wasn’t strong enough to prevent the sensation of the needle and thread sliding through his skin. A whimper escaped his lips and Abasi immediately stopped moving. He considered using more numbing gel, but decided that if Sirius was already able to feel through it, as it was a fairly potent ointment, there wasn’t much use.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Abasi murmured. “But I need to finish this. I know it hurts, but you’ve gotten through the rest of this so well. Can you keep going? Be brave?”

“I… guess…” Sirius answered slowly. Abasi continued and though he didn’t make another sound, it was obvious that Sirius was in pain. When he was finished, Abasi packed his things up and led Walburga from the room to talk to her, leaving Regulus and James behind. 

“What happened, Sirius?” James whispered. “How did this happen?”

“You know him?” Regulus asked. James nodded. 

“We’re in the same house. We’re friends.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Regulus warned him. “He doesn’t want people to know.”

“How can you tell?” James asked. “He’s hardly said a thing.”

“He’s my brother,” Regulus answered “I know him. And I know that he doesn’t like anybody to know he’s in pain. He’s proud, he doesn’t want anybody to know he’s anything but strong.” He brushed Sirius’ hair from his face, gazing sorrowfully at his brother’s pale face. “This is the worst he’s ever been hurt, and you saw him. He hardly made a sound.” He stood up, leaving his brother’s side. “Let’s go, he needs to rest.” The boys left, James casting a worried glance to his friend.  Walburga’s ring, left on the bedside table, glinted coldly in the candlelight as the door clicked shut.

Unseen to anybody, a single tear rolled down Sirius’ cheek.


	15. Chapter 15

It took Sirius almost the entire summer to recover. He only attempted to stand up a week after Abasi’s visit and Regulus was there the entire time. He was able to walk without help three days later, and made his way down the stairs for days later, only to sit at the piano. He attempted to play, but kept hitting the wrong keys every few measures. He eventually quit and stared at his hands, which were shaking against his will. 

“What’s happened?” He whispered, gazing at his trembling bandaged fingers. A smaller pair of hands closed around his.

“When Father did what he did to you, he damaged your hands,” Regulus whispered. “Mother explained it to Abasi, who said that they’ll probably heal, but you have to give it time. You can’t play just yet, okay?”

Sirius kept his gaze on his hands, but Regulus could see the hopelessness that filled his face. “It’s okay, Siri, I’ll play for you.”

“It’s not the same,” Sirius muttered. “It’s not the same.”

Regulus thought for a moment, then placed his fingers on the keys. “Hands on mine,” He murmured. Sirius hesitantly obeyed and Regulus began playing a simple tune. If he closed his eyes, it almost felt to Sirius that he was the one playing, not his brother.

Walburga entered the piano room a few minutes after Regulus did. She stopped at the sight before her. 

Regulus and Sirius were sitting on the piano bench together, Sirius’ arms around Regulus so he could reach the keys. His hands rested on his brother’s and his eyes were closed. Regulus’ were open and staring at the piano keys so he could make sure he played without mistake. He knew that if he messed up, Sirius would automatically blame himself for being a burden.

“Hello, Mother,” Regulus murmured over the music, somehow sensing she was there. Sirius opened his eyes and glanced up at her. She was shocked to see how empty he seemed, but recognized the look from over Christmas break. This time was so much worse, though, because it seemed as though he was devoid of all emotion this time. As if he’d never feel again.

Walburga walked over and placed a hand on her sons’ backs. They both flinched a bit before settling into the touch and she felt a bit of sorrow. She had made her sons afraid of her. She glanced down and realized that she wasn’t wearing her ring. She’d not worn it since she’d taken it off a week and a half ago, and quite frankly, she’d forgotten about it. She would have to put it back on before any family visited. Cygnus, her brother, quite enjoyed showing up at random times and often brought his daughters, two of which still went to Hogwarts. Hopefully they wouldn’t be showing up anytime soon, but in Cygnus’ last owl, he’d mentioned a visit. Just then, as if summoned by Walburga’s thoughts, the doorbell rang.

“Regulus, go answer it. Sirius, come upstairs. If that’s Cygnus, I need to find the ring,” Walburga spoke first. Regulus slid off of the piano bench as Sirius carefully stood up. Walburga helped him up the stairs and hurried ahead of him to his room, snatching her ring off the bedside table as Sirius carefully laid down.

“I’m going to tell them you aren’t feeling well, but be prepared for them to want to see you. I may call you or I may have to let them come up to see you,” Walburga told her son. “I’ll do my best to prevent it, but I cannot guarantee it’ll work. You know how persistent they are, Cygnus and Bellatrix in particular.”

Sirius nodded and pulled a blanket over him. Walburga was used to his silence and left the room, closing the door gently behind her. She then made her way down the stairs, moving elegantly as always. When she got down there, she found that Regulus had already led their guests to the sitting room, with Kreacher serving them tea. To her dismay, Cygnus had brought all three of his daughters.

“Good afternoon Cygnus, Bellatrix, Narcissa, Andromeda,” Walburga greeted “I must say, this is somewhat of a surprise.”

“Good afternoon, Walburga,” Cygnus replied, his demeanor just as cold as his sister’s. “I told you in my last letter that I was planning a visit. You know I always come by on Tuesdays.”

“Is it Tuesday already?” Walburga asked, taking a cup of tea and sitting next to Regulus. “I hadn’t realized.”

“Where are Sirius and Uncle Orion?” Bellatrix asked. Unseen, Regulus grimaced into his cup as he took a sip. He’d never liked his cousin, always thought that she had something wrong with her head. 

“Orion is in his office,” Walburga answered. He’d been locked up since they’d come to the conclusion that his presence wouldn’t help Sirius heal. “Sirius hasn’t been feeling well, he’s resting.”

“Might I visit him? Sirius, I mean,” Bellatrix asked. Narcissa and Andromeda exchanged a look, knowing that their sister could cause trouble. It was never good when she  _ wanted _ to see Sirius. She’d always disliked him, much like Regulus disliked her. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Walburga murmured, uneasy. “He may be asleep. I don’t want to bother him.”

“Oh, but I wanted to see him,” Andromeda rolled her eyes at Bellatrix’s reply. She’d pushed her lips out in a small pout as she’d widened her eyes just a bit. She turned to Cygnus, who inwardly groaned. He was a weak-willed man and could never resist his eldest daughter’s charms. 

“Bella, don’t you have some news for Aunt Walburga and Regulus?” Narcissa cut in. Regulus relaxed a bit and regarded his cousin curiously as Bellatrix smiled, her mind taken from the topic of her cousin. Regulus knew that she would likely not return to the topic. She could never remember a subject after she’d moved on to another.

“Oh, yes,” Bellatrix murmured, then glanced down at her hands. Regulus followed her gaze and saw a new ring glittering on her finger. Was she- “I’m engaged!” She said this without much enthusiasm.

“Oh? To who?” Walburga asked. “Let me see the ring.”

“Rodolphus Lestrange,” Bellatrix answered, leaning forward so Walburga could see the engagement ring. “We’re planning the wedding for just after the New Year, so Cissy and Dromeda can be bridesmaids.

While Walburga, Bellatrix, and Cygnus spoke about the wedding, Regulus led Narcissa and Andromeda from the sitting room, taking them to the kitchen to prepare lunch for the eight of them. He shooed Kreacher from the room, telling the house elf to check on Sirius, then found ingredients to make sandwiches.

“How do you two feel about the engagement?” He asked as he washed his hands, avoiding the faint bloodstain on the cabinet corner. No matter how much Kreacher had tried to clean it, he’d not manage to get rid of all the evidence from that horrible night. 

“She doesn’t love him,” Andromeda told her younger cousin. Narcissa gasped at her sister. “What? It’s true. She’s only marrying him because he’s pure-blooded. She told us that.”

“That doesn’t mean you go around telling everyone,” Narcissa scolded. Andromeda shrugged. “What’s truly wrong with Sirius? Is it that he doesn’t want to face Bella?”

Regulus carefully kept his back to his cousins as he made the sandwiches. “He just doesn’t feel well. He may be coming down with something. We were sick earlier, just after the school year ended. He may have caught something else while he was still weak.”

Andromeda frowned. “What did you have?”

“Scrofungulus,” Regulus finished two sandwiches and set them aside. “I had it when he got back, then accidentally gave it to him when he came to check on me. We both eventually went to St. Mungo’s. He must have picked something else up there, because he’s been feeling bad for about a week and a half. He may be recovering a bit, because he came down to play the piano a bit, but got tired fairly quickly.” He finished and set all the sandwiches on a platter. He took two and set them on separate plates to take to Orion and Sirius, leaving them on the counter as he took the platter to the sitting room. “I made lunch,” He told them quietly, then left.

He took the two plates and went first to Orion’s study. Knocking on the door, he called, “Father?” When he was called in, he entered and quickly set the plate on the desk.

“Regulus,” Orion stopped his son. “How is Sirius doing?”

“He’s healing,” Regulus answered shortly. “I’m taking lunch to him.” He left without another word and quickly climbed the stairs. He opened the door to find Cantantrix sitting on Sirius’ chest. Sirius was scratching his head as he flipped through a book, but glanced up when Regulus stepped in. “I made lunch,” He told his brother, setting the plate on the bedside table and sitting on the bed. “How do you feel?”

“Not great,” Sirius replied. “How’re the cousins?”

“Bellatrix is engaged,” Regulus told him. “To some bloke named Rodolphus Lestrange. Dromeda says she’s only marrying him for blood, that she doesn’t truly love him. They asked about you. Mother and I said you were sick. Father never came out of his office. Bella wanted to see you and was getting pretty persistent until Cissy told her to tell us about her engagement.”

“When’s the wedding?”

“They want it just after New Year, so Cissy and Dromeda can be bridesmaids.”

Sirius groaned. “I suppose that means we’ll have to be there.”

“Yeah, can’t use school as an excuse,” Regulus replied ruefully. “Oh well, maybe we can sit in the back, avoid them the whole time.”

“Like that’ll happen,” Sirius grinned wryly. “She’ll parade us around like we’re curios at a circus. ‘Look! These are my cousins, Sirius and Regulus! They’re named after stars, just like me!’” He mimicked his cousin’s higher-pitched voice as a smirk grew on Regulus’ face. At the end of his little spiel, the two burst into laughter. Soon after, though, Sirius stopped with a groan, one hand straying to his ribs.

“Sore?” Regulus asked. Sirius nodded. 

“Cruciatus three times spares no man from pain,” He groaned sagely. Regulus snorted.

“As if you can call yourself a man,” He smirked. “You’re only twelve.”

“More of a man than you,” Sirius scoffed. “Who’s been  _ crucio _ ’d here?”

The grin dropped from Regulus’ face.

“Reggie?” Sirius whispered. “Reggie, what’s wrong?” He stared at his brother, his dark eyes shimmering. “Reg, what happened?”

“It… It was about a month before you came back,” Regulus answered quietly, almost whispering. He didn’t meet Sirius’ gaze. “Father was drunk again. He… He came up the stairs. I was in your room, looking for one of my shirts. I thought the laundry got mixed up. He thought I was you… He didn’t hardly say anything, but he… He had his wand and-” He cut himself off by choking back a sob. “It hurt… It was awful and…” He trailed off, his silver eyes filling with tears. Sirius sat up, ignoring Trix’s protestant mews, and pulled Regulus into a tight hug, ignoring the pain in his ribs. Regulus wrapped his arms around Sirius, crying into his shoulder. Sirius rubbed his brother’s head, shushing him gently, then stood up, albeit with a couple squeaks of pain. Anger filling him, he stormed down the stairs, Regulus calling protests behind him. He stopped in the sitting room and stared at his mother.

He was a mess. His wavy black hair stood up in strange places around the bandage still wrapped around his head. His hands were bandaged and his face was sunken. He had grown thin and he panted from the exertion of moving down the stairs as fast as he did, but he ignored the ache that had set in his bones. His gray eyes swirled with rage as he stared at his mother and his pajamas were rumpled from his constant sitting in bed.

“Is he in his office,” He growled. Walburga nodded, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

“Sirius, don’t you think-” She was silenced by his glare. He stormed away, ignoring the incredulous stares from his uncle and cousin, who immediately cast accusatory glares at Walburga. She watched him leave through the door, a sense of dread settling in her stomach. Regulus emerged from the stairway just after Sirius vanished.

“Did he go to-?” Walburga nodded and he groaned, chasing after his brother.

Sirius made his way to Orion’s office, hot anger filling him. He opened the door without knocking and closed it. Orion didn’t say a word as his son turned around, pure hatred shining in his dark eyes.

“Did you use the Cruciatus curse on Regulus?” He demanded, his voice frighteningly quiet. Orion was shocked. This was the first time he’d met his gaze in a week and a half and there was zero fear in his son. 

“Sirius, what-”

“Cruciatus. Two months ago. Did. You. Curse. Regulus.” Sirius growled. His eyes were somewhat sunken and he had dark shadows underneath. His wild hair and the cuts along his face made him look like a madman.

Made him look like Orion did when he was drunk.

“I- y-yes,” Orion could only answer in short sentences, admitting to what he did. He immediately regretted speaking when Sirius, filled with an ungodly rage, lifted the desk off two feet and slammed it down, papers flying everywhere.

“ _ HOW DARE YOU! _ ” He roared, his face going red. At that moment, Regulus burst in and tried to restrain his brother, who was leaning across the desk to shove his face in Orion’s. “You don’t ever touch my brother,” He hissed “ _ Ever _ . Do you understand? I don’t care if you’re drunk and looking for me, you never touch him.”

“Sirius, come on,” Regulus pleaded. “There’s still company in the house, this can wait.” Sirius snarled at Orion, then allowed himself to be led out, shaking with rage, by Regulus. They passed Walburga, who was bidding their family farewell at the door, as Regulus led his older brother to the piano room, where he sat him down and kneeled in front of him.

“I know you’re upset, but you’re still injured,” He murmured. “What if he’d been drinking? He would have cursed you, or worse, and you don’t know if you’d even still be alive. Siri, you can’t do that-”

“ _ What _ were you thinking!?” Walburga demanded as she stormed across the room to her sons. “We had company, you know that! How  _ dare _ you behave that way!”

“How  _ dare _ your husband curse my brother!” Sirius retorted, bolting to his feet. “How  _ dare _ you allow it! How dare  _ I _ !? How dare  _ you _ !” His face was twisted ugly with such rage and anger that Regulus shied away from his brother, his silver eyes wide. Sirius was practically vibrating from his hatred as he stood up against his mother. He panted, both from his fury and the agony he was feeling from his wounds. Walburga had stumbled back a bit, her dark eyes wide, as she gazed at her son. The way he was, he looked like a shorter version of her husband. He was so similar, as they both had a volatile temper, but the two were nearly identical, especially since his eyes had lost their typical silvery color through the curses his father had cast. 

Sirius scoffed at his mother’s lack of reply and stormed upstairs, grabbing Regulus’ wrist and forcing his brother to follow. When they got up to his room, he flopped on his bed and his fury melted away, leaving him shaking and whimpering from the pain he felt. Regulus stood in shock as he watched his brother transform from a carbon copy of Orion to the whimpering, crying boy he saw. Sirius had, for once, put all his walls down when he was alone with his brother, and succumbed to his pain.

“I’m sorry, Reg,” He whispered as he wiped the tears from his face. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

He didn’t say another word for the rest of that summer.


	16. Chapter 16

Remus was the first on the train. He found the compartment the four had claimed as their own, sat down, and fell asleep. He’d stayed awake the whole night reading and was exhausted, so he decided to use the hours-long train ride to rest. Sirius was next, Regulus following him, and chose to sleep as well. He had a blanket and pulled it over his face so his friends couldn’t see the scars. The majority of the cuts along his face had healed and thankfully didn’t scar, but the big gash at his temple had scarred. It was thankfully faint, but reached towards his eye and he knew his friends, especially Remus, would notice it. His hair had grown out long enough to cover it, but it was still visible. 

A few hours later, he woke up to find that Remus was already up and his three friends, along with Regulus, were playing Exploding Snap. It was one of the explosions that had woken him. Remus spotted that he was awake first and met his eyes, frowning slightly when he saw that the unusual silver had darkened. Sirius put a finger to his lips to tell his friend not to say anything and he nodded, his eyes scanning Sirius’ face. He frowned when he saw the scar, opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when Sirius shook his head and mouthed  _ I’ll tell you later _ .

Sirius sat up from his slumped position, groaning at a pain in his back, pulling the blanket over his head like a hood.

“Hi, Sirius,” James grinned. “Have a nice nap?”

“Yup,” Sirius replied, his voice scratchy from disuse.

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” Peter asked. Sirius frowned. Regulus was silent.

“My eyes?”

“Yeah,” Remus handed him a mirror. The other three gave him a curious glance and he rolled his eyes. “Undetectable extension charm. My father gave it to me over the summer as a late birthday gift. I’ve got practically everything in it.” Sirius hardly listened to his explanation as he stared at himself in the mirror. The scar wasn’t as noticeable as he’d thought, but one of the cuts was a really faint line across his nose. It would probably fade, though. He wasn’t too sure about the big one, but if he kept his hair longer, nobody could see it. He stopped looking at the scars and looked at his eyes, which were what everyone was worried about. He frowned when he saw.

His eyes had always held an unusual bright silver color Regulus was exactly the same. It was the one thing they didn’t share with their parents. Orion’s were a dark gray where Walburga’s seemed black. Sirius’ eyes were no longer the bright silver and without the strange color, he was almost identical to Orion. He glanced quickly at Regulus, who shrugged as he gave the mirror back to Remus.

“I don’t know,” He murmured. “Must have happened over summer.”

“Sirius, do you know who this is?” James asked, motioning to Regulus. “We asked his name, but he seemed kind of nervous and then we were playing Snap.”

“Oh, that’s Regulus, my brother,” Sirius responded, then frowned. “Reg, where’s Trix?”

“He crawled under your blanket,” Regulus told him. “Probably fell asleep. How was he over last year? I never got to ask.”

“He was great. Helped me out after Christmas a lot, you were right.” He then frowned. “I still think you could have used him more.”

Regulus shrugged. “Oh well.

“Are you a first-year, Regulus?” Remus asked. As usual, he had a book in front of him. Reg nodded as Sirius pulled out the book he’d bought what seemed like years ago and leaned down, pressing his forehead to the table in the middle of the compartment, keeping the book on his lap.

“Is he feeling okay?” Someone asked.

“He’s been sick practically all summer,” Regulus answered. He felt a hand- Regulus’- rubbing his back as he read. “He’s hardly come out of his room and didn’t speak at all, so if he’s different to you guys, it’s because he’s been sick.”

The train ride was a few hours longer, during which Sirius managed to finish his book. He’d come to a horrible conclusion which he chose to keep hidden from his brother for now.

For now.

Regulus was led off to the rest of the first years, wearing his robes for the first time. He cast a fearful glance at his brother, who gave him a strained but meant to be reassuring grin as he walked to the carriages with his friends. The four had a carriage by themselves and the moment they started moving, James turned a serious look to Sirius.

“Alright, tell me what happened.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius tried to play dumb. Remus looked at both of them, confused.

“What happened?”

“I volunteered with St. Mungo’s over the summer. I went with one healer to make a house call, the only one I did, early on and guess who it was that needed the house call?”

“Regulus told you not to tell anyone,” Sirius hissed. “Besides, you heard what my mother said.”

James scoffed. “Like I’ll believe that. You’re a Black, do you really think anyone would attack you on the street you live on?”

“What’s going on?” Remus jumped in, confused. Sirius sighed and brushed his hair back to reveal the scar. Peter and Remus gasped at the sight while James sat, having already seen the wound when it was at its worst. “What did you  _ do _ ?”

“I’ll explain in our room tonight, okay? I don’t want to get into it here.”

They nodded and Sirius let his hair fall back over his face. The rest of the short ride to the castle was silent but they soon reached the Great Hall and, surrounded by other people, their collective mood picked up. Sirius engaged in a few conversations, but didn’t speak much. It was still more than he’d said during the entire summer.

Soon enough, the sorting happened. He only paid attention long enough for “Regulus Black” to be called. He sat up, almost standing in his seat, to watch his brother. That hat was placed on his hat, where it sat, unmoving. He assumed it was talking to Regulus, as his eyes widened at one point, but it eventually sat up.

“Slytherin!” It called. Sirius slipped back into his seat, grinning just a bit as his brother made his way to the Slytherin table.

“Aren’t you upset he’s not in your house?” James asked. Sirius shook his head.

“Not at all. Not surprised, either. He was always the better son, really.”

“Then why are you smiling?”

“The hat hesitated.”

Neither of them realized that only the Slytherins were clapping and that Regulus’ face had fallen a bit until Remus nudged them, clapping a bit. 

“Clap,” He hissed. “Now.”

Mystified, Sirius began clapping until he realized that only a few seconds had passed and Regulus was slowly making his way to the Slytherin table. He let out a loud cheer that caused Regulus’ cheeks to flush red.

The four talked through the rest of the sorting, not worried about any of the other students. Sirius cast glances to the Slytherin table, where he saw Regulus talking to Lucius and Snape with a wavery smile. Soon enough, the feast started and Sirius set to eating. He noticed that Remus was actually eating a normal amount of food, unlike he usually did. After the meal, he vanished into the library, leaving his friends to do whatever they did. Remus suspected that Sirius would hunt Regulus down. He shrugged, finding a book on Charms and pulled it off the shelf, sitting at a table with his bag next to him. He was absorbed in the book when James and Sirius found him.

“Really, reading the day before classes start?” James laughed, sitting next to him. “What even  _ are _ you?”

“A werewolf,” Remus replied, unthinking. A second passed until he realized what he’d said and he bolted to his feet, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Uh, I… I didn’t mean that, I was just reading about werewolves… I gotta go, bye- Ah!”

James had jumped up and grabbed Remus as he tried to leave, holding his arms to his sides. Being taller, he was able to lift Remus off the ground and he struggled, kicking his feet out.

“James, let me go!” He struggled. “Come on!”

“Sirius, get his legs!” James grunted as Remus kicked his shin. Sirius did so, avoiding his friend’s flailing limbs. The two carried him, yelling, down a hallway that he couldn't recognize. Eventually, as they went up a flight of stairs, the chilling thought occurred to him.  _ What if they threw him off the Astronomy tower? _

Panic set in and Remus renewed his struggle, yelling in fear. He never thought he would be as happy as he ever could be again when he heard McGonagall's stern voice carry through the hallways. 

" _ What _ are you doing!?" The woman stormed over to the boys. "Put Mr. Lupin down  _ now _ and go to your common room. Lupin, come with me."

James and Sirius reluctantly set Remus down and sheepishly went to their common room. McGonagall, seeing that Remus was shaking, wrapped her arms around him and, with a swish of her cloak, ushered him to her office. The panic set in about halfway through and by then he was sobbing. McGonagall tucked his head under her flowy sleeve and whisked him to her office. She sat him down and set to making tea as he cried on a plush chair she’d had moved into her office. When it was finished, she set a mug in front of him.

“Drink some tea, Remus,” She murmured softly. “Have a biscuit then tell me what’s wrong.”

Remus couldn’t even drink his tea for a few minutes as he tried to calm down. He finally took a shaky sip and set the mug down for fear of spilling it.

“I… I was in the library and I was reading and James and Sirius came in and asked what I was since I was studying before classes started and- and it just slipped out, I didn’t mean for them to know, it just-” McGonagall cut off Remus’ rambling.

“What do they know?” She asked him softly. 

“They- They know I’m a werewolf.”

-

“Slytherin!”

Regulus looked over to Sirius first, seeing him slink down to his seat with a small grin. He must have expected it. He slipped off the chair and made his way to the Slytherin table, casting a glance back at his brother, who was talking nonchalantly to his friends. Did he not care?

He looked back to the Slytherin table, which was farthest over in the Great Hall. He realized that they were they only one cheering at his sorting. He understood the Gryffindors, but did the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws not care? He glanced at the Gryffindor table, where he saw Sirius’ bookish friend clapping and nudging his brother. Soon, Sirius and James had started clapping, the mousy friend joining in. As the rest of the Gryffindors slowly joined in the clapping, Sirius let out a loud cheer that caused him to blush.

“That’s my brother!”

The Hufflepuffs started clapping next, with the Ravenclaws joining in last. Regulus hurried to the Slytherin table and saw that a gap had been opened between two people. Lucius, who he recognized from his parent’s meetings and parties, and a pale, black haired boy. He sat down between them and almost immediately, Lucius started talking to him.

“How do you feel about being in Slytherin?” He asked. Regulus shrugged.

“I mean, I’m not with my brother, but I kind of expected it. He’s the first one in our family not to be Slytherin.”

“Sirius?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s fine,” Lucius told him with a grin. He looked to be a seventh-year, but wasn’t Head Boy. Not a surprise, though, they rarely picked Slytherins to be Head Boy or Girl. “Are you upset that you’re not with him?”

“Not really, I mean, he was always a bit different from the rest of the family. He was sick all summer though, so I don’t really want to leave him on his own.”

“He has his friends, he’ll be fine. Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself. This is Severus Snape, by the way, he’s pretty nice.”

Regulus uncomfortably talked about himself, sharing his interests and even telling the two about his magical cat, Cantantrix. As the meal went on, he found himself loosening up until he was even laughing at a joke Lucius made. The Slytherin prefect, which had been Lucius himself two years ago, called for all first-years. Lucius and Severus stayed with him through the walk to the common room, and somehow he found himself at the front of the group. The prefects gave the group of first-years large grins, said the password, Slithery Snakes, and the door swung open. Regulus caught the first glance and his jaw dropped as a smile grew on his face.

The whole room was a deep, cozy green. There was a plush carpet all along the floor, and the walls were a dark stone gray with silvery accents. There were huge windows revealing that they were under the lake, and the light cast in by magically lit lanterns floating in the water was a shimmering green as well. The rest of the room was only lit by flickering torches which lined the walls, and a fire in an ornately carved fireplace. Near the fireplace were plush couches and chairs, all a deep green with silver accents. There were two bookshelves on the wall opposite of the fireplace and windows that were a dark wood. Their top two shelves were the only ones without books and desks were scattered around that wall, each with a flickering candle. Regulus grinned as he stepped into the majestic, high-ceilinged room, to find that there was another floor, a huge loft, with more cushy chairs and a pole running down from the ceiling, through a large hole in the loft, to the floor. There was also a huge, very curly slide going from the loft to the second floor. Some seventh year shoved past the stunned first-years and ran up the stairs that led to the loft and dived down the slide, laughing.

“Up there, in the loft, there are two doors,” Lucius told Regulus. “One of them leads to the male’s side of the dormitory, one leads to the female’s. Eventually, you’ll find a lot of us tend to skip the bedrooms and sleep in the common room, but that comes later. House rule, you have to sleep in your bed for at least a week, then you can sleep anywhere.”

“He does truly mean anywhere,” Severus cut in. “Last year I found him hanging upside down from the loft like a bat.”

“Really?” Regulus laughed.    
  
“Really,” Severus grinned. “It was great. He’d cast a sticking charm on his feet but couldn’t figure out how to get down. He was late to breakfast.”

“Shut up,” Lucius laughed. “That was the same day your brother charmed my shampoo to turn my hair pink so not only had I struggled to get off the ceiling, I also took a shower and came out with neon pink hair. My question is how he did it.”

“I think they’d gotten that one girl that graduated last year, Zoe, to do it. She was a friend of Lupin’s. They met in the Ravenclaw common room.” Severus reminded his friend. Regulus watched them with amusement. In the middle of their conversation, the Slytherin prefect, named Caligula Burke, stepped up to Lucius and spoke to him quietly. Lucius nodded as he whispered, and soon Caligula left, finding someone else to talk to.

“Regulus, why don’t we start getting you unpacked?” Lucius led the two up the stairs to the doors in the loft, pushing one open and walking down a long hallway to the last door, which he opened to find it empty except for trunks and pets in cages. Regulus immediately let a yowling Cantantrix out, apologizing to the kitten who stalked away, his black tail held high.

“Will he be okay just roaming the common room?” He asked. Lucius nodded.

“He’ll be fine. Probably spoiled with attention, but if he doesn’t like it, he can just come back here.”

Severus and Lucius helped Regulus unpack and get organized. The task went by quickly with three people doing it, and when they were finished, Lucius sat on Regulus’ bed with a heavy sigh. 

“I hate this conversation,” He started. “I’ve had to do it for the past three years.” Regulus regarded him curiously. “You see, it’s not a random thing that Severus and I were the ones to talk to you. It’s a tradition among Slytherins to pair up and draw lots for who gets which first-year. Severus and I drew number one, and you were the first Slytherin, so we took you under our wing. Wings? Anyway, we do this so no first-year is wandering the castle searching for classes with no friends and nobody to help them. The other houses are unfairly prejudiced against us, so we have to stick together. It’s not a problem, unless you’re one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.” This was a list of twenty-eight pureblood families, the only ones documented to be in Europe.

“Why is that?” Regulus asked.

“Usually, pureblood families, especially ones that are ‘radical’,” Lucius used air quotes here. “Will have different, more old-fashioned and medieval ways of punishment. This includes hitting, yelling, and… The Cruciatus Curse.”

Regulus jolted at the mention of the curse, his silver eyes growing wide.

“I see,” Lucius murmured. “I’m guessing you’ve had it done a few times? Perhaps recently?”

“About a month before the school year ended last year was my first, and so far only time,” Regulus whispered. “Before that, Sirius always protected me. He’d had it three times until…”

“Until?” Lucius prodded gently. Regulus took a deep breath. He’d already come this far.

“One night, about two weeks after the school year ended. Both of us had been admitted to St. Mungo’s for Scrofungulus, and it was the night I was released. Sirius had been out for a day or two, but we both spent a lot of time in our rooms, recovering. The- That night, he’d gone for a drink of water and… Our father had been drinking. He only does it when he’s been drinking,” Regulus paused for a moment, not meeting either Lucius or Severus’ eyes. He wasn’t sure he could without crying. “To a drunk mind, it makes perfect sense, so our father blamed Sirius for getting me sick although I’d already been sick and gave it to Sirius. But because he’s Gryffindor, Father chose to blame him for the two of us getting ill. Siri tried to avoid him, he didn’t make eye contact or anything. It didn’t work because Father got up, beat him up a little, then… Then he cast the Cruciatus… Three times before Mother could make him stop. He passed out and woke up the next day and was bedridden for a week later. He hasn’t been the same since, his eyes even changed color. He didn’t say a word the entire summer.”

Regulus slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He didn’t say a word but Lucius began rubbing the younger boy’s back to comfort him. 

“I’ve had it seven times,” He murmured. Regulus lifted his head a bit to stare at the white-blonde boy. “As I said, it’s a fairly common punishment, especially for troublemakers. I didn’t learn to hold my tongue fast enough, that's what the majority of them was for. I haven’t had the curse for a few years. But anyway, this whole conversation is meant to put you at ease with the whole deal and to let you know that a lot of us know how it feels and are here for you if you need to talk about it. It’s not uncommon for someone to be in the common room surrounded by a bunch of other people, even throughout the whole year. The other houses don’t like us, with that foolish prejudice, and lots of bullying occurs. When we get back to the common room, our one safe place, a lot of us break, especially the young ones. It’s difficult to be a Slytherin, so we stick together. We’re all about house loyalty.”

“I thought loyalty was a Hufflepuff thing?” Regulus asked. Severus shook his head with a small grin.

“Anybody can be loyal, no matter their personality. Puffs  _ are _ loyal, it’s their thing, but they’re loyal to practically everything. Slytherins stick by their house mates, and rarely anyone else besides their friends and family. Aside from that, though, I definitely recommend befriending a Puff. They’re great friends, and if you need revenge on someone, they’ll likely take it first because nobody will see the cute little Puff coming and you can have a great alibi.”

Regulus thought for a second. “This is nothing like what I’ve always heard about Slytherins, I-”

“Let me guess, Sirius told you we were awful, prejudiced, and hate anyone not a Slytherin?” Lucius interrupted. Regulus nodded sheepishly. “That’s just what other houses, especially Gryffindors think. They don’t understand that we’re people too, just focused on other things with other values. They don’t realize that just because we live in the dungeons, it doesn’t mean that we’re dank and moldy. As you can see, our common room is quite cozy.”

“Lights out, five minutes!” The three heard a shout from the common room. Lucius stood from the bed, Severus following. 

“Get changed for bed and go to sleep. When they say lights out, they really mean it. The only light is from the lake windows downstairs, so you can’t see at all. You’ll get used to sleeping in the pitch black soon if you’re not already. Good night Regulus.”

“Good night Lucius, Severus.”


	17. Chapter 17

It took McGonagall forty-five minutes to calm Remus enough to be able to take him to his dorm. They finally made their way to the common room, McGonagall reassuring him the whole time that he wouldn’t be thrown off the Astronomy tower. When they got there, they stopped outside the door, where they could hear faint shouts coming from his shared room.

“This is pointless!” Sirius shouted. “Why do all of these books only say how to  _ kill _ a werewolf, not befriend one!?”

“Sirius, you already  _ did _ the befriending part,” James replied in a bored tone. 

“Yeah, but this is so annoying.” There was a quiet thunk from inside the room.

“Mate, you do realize that’s a library book, right? You can’t just go throwing them everywhere.”

McGonagall opened the door without knocking and came upon a strange sight. Sirius, James, and Peter were all sitting on the floor, surrounded by books. Sirius was glowering at one lying on the floor near the wall as James boredly read one of the two he had open around him. There was a piece of parchment in the middle of their book pile with only a few notes written on it.

“There is no use to this, we should just ask him- Oh hi, Professor.” Sirius was the first to see the two standing in the doorway. “Remus! Mate, we were getting worried about you. Are you alright?”

Remus, somewhat stunned by the warm welcome, stared at them, wide-eyed. He looked up at McGonagall, who nudged him into the room.

“Boys, you know what Mr. Lupin said in the library was not a lie, correct?”

“Of course,” James answered. “He wasn’t playing with his hands.”

“And you won’t throw him off the Astronomy tower, correct?”

Sirius frowned. “Of course not! Why would we do that?”

Remus blushed. 

“You thought we were going to throw you off the Astronomy tower?” James asked. Remus nodded slightly, staring at his feet. “Mate, that’s nuts! Why would we do that, we’re relying on you to help us pass our classes!”

“There are Ravenclaws for that,” Remus whispered.

“Who wants a Ravenclaw when they can have you?” James asked. “You’re awesome.”

“S-so you’re okay that I’m… A werewolf?”

“Obviously,” Peter muttered, turning a page in the book he was reading. “Why else would we be doing this?”

McGonagall patted Remus on the shoulder. “Well, as they’re obviously not going to hurt you, I’m going to leave you here. You four, talk about what you need to but don’t stay awake too late. I will not excuse absence tomorrow due to you oversleeping. Understood?”

“Yes ma’am,” The four responded. The Professor left and James beckoned Remus to sit down with them. He did so, albeit nervously.

“You… Do you really not mind that I’m a… A werewolf?”

“Remus,” Sirius held up a thick book. “Why would I be reading this if I wasn’t?” Remus paled when he saw the title. James looked to see the cause for his friend’s reaction and smacked Sirius.

“Look at the title!” He hissed. Sirius did so and his eyes widened.

“ _ How to Kill a Werewolf _ ? Why do we have this!?” He turned and threw the book at the wall. It thudded off and landed with another that was half open. Remus winced as the pages bent. Even if the book was about ways to someone could murder him, he hated to see it damaged. “I’m so sorry, Remus! The point was to show how thick the book was, I swear!”

“After you left with McGonagall, we found Peter and went to the library. We basically grabbed every book that even mentioned werewolves and came back here. We’ve been trying to learn all we can so that we can help you.” James cut across Sirius’ babbling.

“Help me?” 

“Yeah, we’re your friends. Of course we want to help you.”

Remus made his way to his bed and sat down. “Why would you want to help me?” He whispered miserably. “I’m a monster.”

His friends stared at him in stunned silence.

“What?” He questioned, confused. “I’m a monster! I could kill any of you without a second thought! I-”

“Am a great friend who only wants the best for his friends,” Peter interrupted.

“But-”

“Am a chocolate addict?” James smirked a bit.

“You guys-”

“Forced me to tell you what was wrong simply because I said something you found to be disturbing and not okay.” Sirius lifted his chin proudly. “Remus, you’re not a monster.”

“Yeah,” James shifted his position- his legs were falling asleep. “You just have a furry little problem.”

“Besides, do you know of anyone who loves chocolate like you do and is a bad person?” Peter grinned. “The closest thing you've ever been to a bad person was when you yelled at Sirius for mother-henning over you the first night last year.”

Remus flushed. “You’re just saying that,” He mumbled. Sirius shook his head, stood up and grabbed a chocolate bar from Remus’ desk, handing it to him. He accepted, mystified, and watched as Sirius opened his trunk. He yelped in protest as he began throwing things at him.

“Healing potion, extendable bag, formerly folded towel…” He moved to the closet, the others watching him in confusion. “Quills, parchment, ooh a knife, and… Guys, Remus has a wolf toy!”

“You put that back!” Remus growled suddenly, launching himself off the bed and forcing the stuffed animal back in the closet, slamming the door. “Could have sworn I got rid of that thing,” He muttered to himself. He looked up to see the three of them staring at him in confusion, Sirius only a few steps away. He sighed and looked down, one hand still on the doors of the closet. “I’m sorry. I hate anything wolf-related and Pa sent that to me last year for my birthday. I’d left it here over summer hoping that the house elves would get rid of it. I can’t do it myself, cause I’m a wimp.”

“See, you’re not a monster, you’re a wimp! You just admitted it!” Sirius cried, perking up. Remus glanced at him in shock and shook his head.

“You really don’t get it, do you? None of you do,” He paced a bit, shaking one of his hands. “I could tear you apart. There’s a  _ reason _ I didn’t want you to know, why they lock me up in the Shrieking Shack. Those sounds, the screams, those are  _ me _ .  _ I’m _ the ghost that haunts it. People fear that building because. Of. Me.”

Sirius spun in a little circle and pulled at his hair in frustration. “Remus, when will you get it!?” He demanded. “We don’t think you’re a monster! You’re not a monster, you’re just a kid, like us! Who cares if you transform once a month, it’s only twelve times per year! Okay! Fine! You get sick, you look awful, we get your notes and homework for you when you’re out of class then it goes back to normal the next month! It’s not like that’ll change, we already do that! Everything’s just the same, nothing’s different except that we know why you disappear, that’s  _ all _ ! We don’t suddenly hate you for what you are!”

Remus had jumped back a little when Sirius had started his rant and once his friend had finished, he wrapped his arms around himself. “Y-you really…” He trailed off with a breathy laugh. “This has actually never happened to me before.”

“What hasn’t?” Peter asked.

“Nobody has ever accepted… They always… We’ve always had to… Argh!” Remus kept trailing off, unsure of how to continue. Flustered, he buried his face in his hands and let out a muffled yell. James got to his feet and led Remus to sit on his bed.

“Tell us how we can help,” He murmured. Remus stared at him, confused.

“What do you mean, help?”

“Well you don’t think we’re gonna let you do this on your own, do you?”

“W- well… Yeah. I’ve always done it alone.”

“No more,” James smirked, plopping down next to his friend. Sirius and Peter soon followed suit, Sirius on Remus’ other side with Peter behind the group. “We’re gonna help you now. You just have to tell us what we need to know.”

“What do you know?” Remus asked, glancing at the huge pile of books.

“We know that the transformation is painful,” Sirius told him.

“We know that it’s every full moon,” Peter chimed in.

“And we know that it’s dangerous for humans to be around a transformed werewolf.” James finished.

“...Is that it?” Remus asked after a long pause. Sirius nodded.

“We spent most of the time you were gone getting books and almost all of them are biased.”

“We were hoping you would tell us more,” James opened the chocolate bar Remus had abandoned and handed it to his friend. “You look pale. Eat.”

Remus took a bite of the treat and chewed thoughtfully. “It’s not fun, you know. I’ll be able to tell you things but you won't be able to be around for the transformation. I’ll get injured, you know. Every time. And once I tell you, you know you can’t tell anyone else or I’m ruined. I’ll have to be expelled or else Dumbledore may be forced to resign for keeping a werewolf around students.”

“That’s absurd!” Peter protested.

“That’s how it is. It’s the prejudice I have and will live with forever,” Remus frowned. “It’s how it is. Can’t change it, so I live with it.”

“Alright, well we’re not telling anyone,” James vowed. “No turning back now.”

“No, I suppose not,” Remus chuckled, then stood up. “Well, might as well start now. Who knows how long this will take.”

“Everybody, listen up, Professor Lupin’s class is about to start,” Sirius joked. The four laughed a bit as Remus picked up one of the books and began flipping through it, muttering to himself.

“Well, that’s not true at all!” He cried suddenly. “ ‘Werewolves, even when in human form, are quite dangerous to humans and should be kept isolated.’” He closed the book with a snap and turned to his friends. “Do I look dangerous to you?” He asked. “Do I, a scarred and scrawny kid, scare you?” He shook his head. “This is why werewolves should write books about werewolves, come  _ on _ .”

He set the book back down and clasped his hands in front of him.

“First things first, I’m gonna go over what I’m like before and after a transformation and what all of that is about, seeing how that  _ is _ the biggest part of this all and the most affecting part.” Sirius, James, and Peter all focused on him very carefully. “You’ll notice that I get pale, sick-looking, fatigued, lose my temper easily, and have no appetite up to four days before a full moon. This is because it’s right around that time. The same goes for after, but I am usually much more exhausted and I’ll have injuries and cuts, especially on my chest and face, but it seems that my hands are getting a beating here. That’s because I isolate myself during the transformations and while I’m in the Shrieking Shack, away from humans, the wolf gets very angry. The wolf side of werewolf almost exclusively targets humans. It won’t attack animals, but it craves destruction and wants to kill any human it comes around. Because there aren't any humans and the wolf needs to break something, it turns to the Shack. The splinters are because it likes to claw up the floors. The injuries are also because of the isolation, along with the fact that the transformations  _ hurt _ , considering that my bones are stretching and snapping into different places, it  _ hurts _ , especially my jaw. The wolf will claw and bite at itself, no matter what, until the transformation is over. It’s not pretty, and it’s why I’m always in the hospital wing. The only time I wasn’t injured was that time I’d gotten really sick, remember that? The wolf was so sick it could hardly move. Typically, if I’m sick, the wolf will have it worse. Far worse. Yes?” Sirius had raised his hand.

“Do you scar from the wounds you get from the… Wolf side?”Remus gave him a deadpan look.

“No, I was born with scars on my face. They’re actually birthmarks.” He shook his head. “No, they do scar, a fair amount of them do, and I absolutely hate them. That’s why I wear long sleeves and hide my hands, because I hate the scars.”

“Can we see them?” Peter asked, then coughed harshly as two bony elbows were driven into his stomach. “Ow.” He groaned.

“No I hate them,” Remus told him firmly, then clapped his hands. “Moving on, I get  _ really _ temperamental around the moons, as you’ve probably noticed, and I can’t tell you why because I don’t know. I just do. The onset of the symptoms usually tells you how bad the moon will be. If they come earlier, it’s going to be bad. The later the easier, usually, except for the one time I had to run off and broke my leg that night. That’s an example of when the symptoms instead overload me the day of, which is another way you know it’s bad is how bad the symptoms are. The less, the better.”

“Why do you always eat chocolate?” James asked. Remus paused, unsure of how to answer.

“I like the taste and I can keep it down around bad moons.” He half-lied.

“But isn’t it like, poisonous to canines?” Peter asked. Remus froze.

“Well, first off, while wolves are a member of the canine family, they’re also classified as lupines, which is a subsection of the canine family. When you say canines, though, I always think of domesticated dogs, which are part of the canis lupus family. Foxes are actually vulpine canids, which is the third subsection of canines. Did you know that the only foxes that aren’t vulpine are the bat-eared fox and the South American false foxes, also known as zorros? They’re actually the only two members of the basal canids, the third subsection. Did you know the canis major constellation is a dog and oh, Sirius, you’re named after a star, which is the Dog Star and the brightest-”

“Remus!” James interrupted his friend, who was talking probably as fast as he could, and the three could hardly understand him. He stopped, his face flushing. ‘Come on, answer the question. Isn’t chocolate poisonous to wolves?”

“W-well the thing is, they don’t have the necessary enzymes to digest chocolate so I mean, yeah, it is-”

“Then  _ why do you eat it _ !?” Sirius jumped to his feet. Remus flinched back just a bit.

“Well, obviously it hasn’t done anything,” He muttered bitterly. “It hasn’t gotten rid of the stupid thing but I’m still hoping that’ll change at some point, seeing how I’ve consumed so much of the stuff. “Besides, it’s become more of a comfort food at this point. Ironic, isn’t it…”

“How is it ironic if it doesn’t do anything to it?”

“I never said it doesn’t do anything,” Remus told them. “For the first day after a transformation, About an hour after I eat any, my stomach hurts really bad. It’s almost incapacitating. First thing I do after I get to the hospital wing, usually, is to eat some because I  _ know _ it hurts the wolf and it deserves the same pain I get.” The three stared at him incredulously. “What?” He demanded. “It’s not like you understand what this is like! Every month is torture for me, I want to get back at the creature that causes it! Every little victory counts to me. It’s not like I  _ asked _ to be a werewolf.”

“Well… It’s late, we really need to get to bed or we won’t wake up tomorrow,” James stood suddenly. “You heard McGonagall, no passes. Let’s go, I’m actually pretty exhausted.” He yawned, then continued. “Remus, you’re telling us more tomorrow, but I think I’m gonna let you think about how convoluted and messed up your reasoning for all the chocolate is tonight.”

“It isn’t convoluted to me” Remus called as Sirius and Peter rolled off his bed. “It makes perfect sense to me, but that’s because  _ I’m _ the werewolf, not you.”

The four had just blown out the candles when Remus heard some rustling.

“Guys, guys, guys,” Sirius suddenly said into the pitch-darkness. “Remus’ last name is Lupin, right? The classification for wolves is lupus. That’s obviously related. And his first name is a guy that was raised by wolves or something in some muggle mythology.”

“Remus and Romulus were twins who founded Rome,” Remus told him in a bored tone. “They were ordered to be killed as babies but were found and fed by a she-wolf until a herdsman found them and raised them.”

Sirius was silent for a minute. “Your name is Wolf Wolf. You’re a werewolf. How ironic is that?”

“I was born two days before a lunar eclipse,” Remus replied, closing his eyes. “You want more irony? My father’s name is Lyall, a derivative of the Old Norse word liulfr, which meant wolf. My father is literally Wolf Wolf.”

Sirius laughed a little. “Moon moon.”

“Will you two bloody  _ shut up _ and go to  _ sleep _ !?” James questioned irritably.

“Sorry,” Remus replied. “Night guys.”


	18. Chapter 18

The next week was filled with classes, but during their free time, the boys would drag Remus off to where he could tell them more about being a werewolf. They were truly interested in the subject, which took him a long time to come to terms with, that they accepted him. It was tough for him to find a moment alone, actually, which did irritate him a bit. His chance at respite came a little two weeks after school started, when James, Sirius, and Peter were serving detention. They’d been caught setting up a prank that Remus had been the mastermind behind, but he had been at dinner, which they were late to due to the prank. It was worth it, though, to see Lucius Malfoy and Evan Rosier covered in feathers and clucking like chickens the next day. All four had to hide their laughter, but McGonagall’s stern glare reminded the three that they had to serve detention for it.

Remus found himself in the common room during his two hours of friend-free time, doing his homework. He planned to get as much done as he could before the boys showed up because he knew he’d never have the chance once they got out of detention. He was sitting on one of the couches, hunched over a coffee table, when the three found him. Sirius cheered and dived over the back of the couch, tumbling on and causing Remus’ quill to jerk all over the page from the movement. He sighed as he stared at the line of ink.

“Look what you’ve done, Sirius,” He complained. “Now I have to start over. I was almost finished.”

“Sorry,” Sirius grinned unapologetically as Remus found a new roll of parchment and began rewriting his essay. “Hey, you know dinner’s about to start, right? I was sent to get you.”

“Mhmm,” Remus muttered, half listening as he wrote the essay.

Sirius watched him for a moment, amazed that his friend could tune him out so fast.

“Hey Remus,” He tried to get his friend’s attention again. He wanted dinner and since Remus had said the next full moon was in five days, he figured he should eat as much as he could before the symptoms hit. “Remus. Rem. Moon moon. Hey, Moon moon, dinner.” He began poking his friend’s cheek. “Moon moon. Moony. Moooonyyy-”

“What?” Remus snapped, finally broken from his work-induced trance. Sirius grinned at him, supporting his head by one of his hands.

“It’s dinnertime and I wanna eat. I was sent to fetch you.”

“Cool. Go eat,” Remus murmured, turning back to his essay.

“No, Rem, you gotta eat.”

“Kay,” Sirius sighed when he realized that Remus was absorbed in his writing again.

“Remus, come on, it’s dinnertime. You gotta eat something.” Remus only hummed in response as he dipped his quill in ink to continue his sentence. Sirius waited until he moved to dip the quill again to take the parchment from his friend. 

“Hey!” Remus protested.”Give it back!”

“No, you need to eat!” Sirius jumped on the back of the couch, using the sudden height gain to hold the parchment over his friend’s head.

“I need to finish my homework!” Remus retorted, hopping on the back of the couch as well and reaching to grab the parchment. “I’ll eat later!”

“How?” Sirius questioned, jumping from the back of the couch and running to another. “Dinner’ll end and all the food will disappear.”

“You forget I have stores of chocolate,” Remus gave his friend a deadpan look. 

“No, you need real food, not something that’s toxic to you.”

“It’s only toxic for a very short time and I like it! What’s the matter with that?”

“Only the fact that it could  _ kill  _ you!”

“Is that so bad?”

Both of them froze when the sentence slipped out from Remus’ lips. Sirius straightened up and lifted his chin defiantly, something he’d learned from watching Walburga and Orion fighting when he was supposed to be asleep as a child. It was something he’d picked up from his mother unknowingly, as she would always make the same motion when Orion yelled at her.

“Yes. That is bad, Remus, I’m shocked you would even consider that.”

“T-that’s not what I meant,” Remus stuttered. “I- It’s just that, no matter what you guys say, I’m a monster. I always will be. Would it be so bad for the world if I was gone? Besides, it’s not as if chocolate will be the cause of it, I’ve been eating the stuff like my life depended on it since I was five and nothing’s happened.”

“Well, you still need to eat and-”

“Please don’t tell James and Peter what I said,” Remus cut Sirius off, begging. “I… I’ll come to dinner without complaining about my homework, just please don’t tell them.”

“Remus, I can’t just-”

“ _ Please _ , Sirius. Please, they’re going to overreact, I know it. They don’t understand, none of you understand what this is like. Sirius, please don’t tell them.”

Sirius studied his friend, taking note of how he was actually begging. His face was full of desperation and Sirius nodded, giving in.

“I won’t tell them if you come to dinner and don’t complain about your homework.”

Remus’ shoulders sagged with relief. “Thank you, Sirius.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” He chuckled as he set the essay back on the coffee table. “Let’s get going.”

Remus cast a forlorn look back at his homework as he followed Sirius, but kept his mouth shut. Two days later, the symptoms started and Remus prepared himself.

-

“I  _ told _ you this would happen.”

“Shut up.”

It was the day after Remus’ transformation. He was back in the hospital wing, as usual, but he’d been surprised to find James, Sirius, and Peter waiting for him. Pomfrey banished them from the room as she bandaged their friend up, but once he was fully clothed and under a blanket, she allowed the boys in. He’d had chocolate, as usual, but less than an hour later, his stomach began to hurt. He was now curled up on the bed, ignoring the pain flaring from the gash on the back of his shoulder as he buried his face in a pillow.

“See, this is why you shouldn’t eat that stuff. It’s poisonous to wolves, you know, and-”

“Bloody  _ hell _ , Sirius, shut up,” Remus growled. “I get it, you’re holding this over my head. Do that when I’m not tempted to rip my stomach out.”

James gasped sarcastically. “Wow, Remus, our dear Moon Moon, actually cursed.” He wrapped an arm around Sirius’ shoulders, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. “He’s all grown up.”

“You shut it too,” Remus groaned. “If you won’t be nice, then you should go, I don’t want to be criticized for the choices I- Auugh!” He cut himself off with a yell as a particularly bad stab of pain went through his stomach and he reflexively curled into the tightest ball he physically could, stretching the gash in his shoulder and he buried his face in the pillow and whimpered as the wave slowly went away. He stayed in that position, unmoving, for quite some time, during which Sirius sat down and began rubbing his back, unknowingly irritating a few scratches that the wolf had inflicted. “Stop,” He moaned. Sirius immediately removed his hand as the three pretended not to notice the tears dripping from his eyes. They all knew he had to have an extremely high pain tolerance- after all, he’d only made noises of pain when James was trying to get him to elevate his leg what it was broken- and crying was so out of character for Remus that yelling and crying in pain surprised and, quite frankly,  _ scared _ them. If he was showing this much pain, what was the chocolate bar he’d eaten  _ doing  _ to him? And where on earth was Madam Pomfrey?

“I’m here, I’m here,” Speak of the devil, here she came now. “Remus, dear, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“He ate chocolate,” Sirius murmured. “It’s poisonous to wolves and it must be close enough to his transformation that it’s having some really bad effects. Can you help him?”

Pomfrey muttered under her breath as she swept away, ruffling through her shelves. Remus’ friends were alarmed to hear his whimpering grow louder and Sirius called for Pomfrey to hurry up. She eventually returned to the four, carrying a glass and two bottles of some sort of potion.

“I want to treat this as food poisoning, but it’s not the same due to the lycanthropy,” She knew the other three knew, Remus had told her the day before, but she still felt a bit insecure in talking about Remus’ condition in front of others. She didn’t make it obvious, though, so the second-years didn’t catch on. “Drink this first,” She poured him a small glass of the first potion which was a murky grayish color. Remus wrinkled his nose as he sniffed it, almost gagging at the first sip. He nearly dropped the glass as another wave of pain washed through his stomach, but Sirius jumped forward and caught it, taking it from him as the group waited for the spasm to stop.

Remus eventually managed to finish the first potion but was still whimpering. Sirius was sitting next to him, letting his friend lean on him and wishing he could take away his agony. Pomfrey handed him a different glass of a much better smelling potion, this one with much less inside it. It was a deep purple color and Remus held the glass carefully, knowing that his hands were shaking.

“It’s a sleeping draught,” Pomfrey told him as he took a sip. “It will help you sleep so you don’t have to feel any more pain.” Remus nodded, finishing the draught easily and slumping against Sirius, his eyes closing. Pomfrey left as soon as Remus handed her the glass. His friend wrapped his arm around him on instinct as the boy quickly fell asleep. 

“He looks like my brother,” He murmured, running a hand through his light brown hair. 

“Regulus?” James asked. He nodded. “Regulus looks like you. Remus and him couldn’t look any different.”

“He’s exhausted and scared. Dependent, like he needs someone to protect him. And he looks so small, like he’s just a little kid.”

“Sirius…” Peter gazed at him with wide eyes, his knees pulled to his chest as he sat on one of the beds nearby. “We’re all still kids.”

“Oh… I suppose we are,” Sirius glanced back at Remus who was sleeping with a deep frowned etched onto his face. He’d stopped running his fingers through Remus’ feathery hair, but began doing it again. The frown eased just a little bit. Peace shrouded the group, only broken when the doors opened.

“Madam Pomfrey?” The four looked up at the call. A small group of Slytherins had come in, two of them supporting Regulus, who was groaning with only one foot on the ground. One of the other ones left to find Pomfrey, who emerged soon after.

“Regulus?” Sirius would have jumped up if Remus hadn’t been laying on him. His brother looked up and despite his pain, his eyes widened.

“Sirius, what are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same to you,” Sirius shot back, eyeing Regulus’ friends distastefully. Malfoy and Snape were the ones supporting the boy.

“Tripped and probably broke my ankle,” Regulus told him. “What’s wrong with… Remus was his name?”

“Remus is pretty sick,” James answered, ignoring the other Slytherin’s presence. “He came down with something a few days ago and got pretty bad yesterday, so we brought him in. We’ve been with him most of the morning.” He moved to help Sirius lay the sleeping boy down so Sirius could see his brother. By this time, Pomfrey had the Slytherins help Regulus to a bed and was checking out his ankle. Sirius pushed past the Slytherins, muttering that he had a right to see his brother, and stood by the boy’s head. His silver eyes had closed and his jaw was set. He winced every so often. To anyone else, he wasn’t in too much pain, but Sirius could tell that he hurt more than he showed. He wasn’t as good at hiding it as Sirius was, that was obvious, but he was good. When Pomfrey had moved away for a few moments to find some potion, Regulus opened his eyes, which widened as he saw Sirius. His breathing shortened until he visibly calmed down a few seconds later.

“Thought you were Father,” He muttered so only Sirius could hear.

“Sorry,” His brother grinned ruefully, brushing his hair out of his face and exposing the scar at the same time. “I’m working on it, but I don’t know why it changed.”

“It’s likely the curse,” Malfoy chimed in in a low voice. Both boys jumped and looked at him, having not realized he was so close. “If it’s used as many times as it was on you so close together, it has physical effects. People are often said to have an empty look in their eyes. For you, it’s probably the silver that left. You’re lucky that you weren’t driven insane, it’s unusual for a twelve year old kid to be able to withstand that much and be as normal as Regulus has said you’re acting.”

“How do you know about that?” Sirius hissed. Regulus guiltily avoided eye contact.

“Your brother trusts his friends more than you do it seems,” Malfoy responded cockily. “You haven’t told them what goes on at home-sweet-home, have you? Regulus said you asked Potter not to say anything.”

“It’s none of your business-” Sirius was cut off by Pomfrey returning with a potion that Regulus quickly downed. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as Sirius turned to Pomfrey. “Why do so many potions taste so bad?”

“I really can’t tell you, but it’s most likely everything that you’re throwing together in a strange chemical soup.”

After a few minutes, Regulus was released.

“See you, Siri,” He told his brother as he stood up.

“Bye, Reg,” Sirius muttered in response as he made his way back to his own friends.

“‘Siri’, huh?” James smirked. 

“Sod off, we’re brothers.”

“It didn't seem like it,” Peter cut in, still sitting on the bed he’d claimed. “You looked angry at him.”

“Why would I be angry at him?” Sirius asked. James shrugged.    
  
“He’s Slytherin?”

-

Regulus sank onto a plush couch in his common room with a relieved sigh. His broken ankle may have been healed, but that didn’t mean it didn’t ache a little. Lucius and Severus had helped him to the common room and disappeared into their rooms to find things. Evan Rosier and Thomas Avery, two boys he’d become friends with, had left when Lucius had told them to get lunch, which had just been starting at the time. Johnathan Wilkes had left at some other time, but Regulus wasn’t sure when. He was too preoccupied with thoughts of what had happened in the hospital wing. Why had Sirius been so cold to him? Sure, he was nearly identical to their father but he didn’t need to act like him.

Regulus sighed when it came to him.  _ Of course _ . It was because he was Slytherin. What did he expect? He’d adapted to their parents’ behavior, Sirius resisted it. Of  _ course _ Sirius would grow cold, after all, Regulus was the “better child” according to the letter both boys had received the day after the sorting. Sirius had seemed distracted, though, until he froze while reading the letter. Regulus had watched as Sirius had glanced up to glare at him until he realized that his brother could see him. Regulus had watched James get Sirius’ attention. Regulus had watched until Lucius had nudged him, concerned. 

“Just… Thinking,” He’d replied. But now, alone, he mulled over his brother’s behavior more. Why would he take their parents’ words to heart? He’d ever cared what they thought but suddenly he did? It didn’t make sense. He  _ had _ to be hiding something. The effects from that night still had to be bothering him, what else could it be?

“Regulus, are you okay?” Severus sat next to his friend, clutching some parchment, a quill, and an inkpot. 

“Yeah, just… Thinking,” Regulus murmured.

“You’ve been doing that a lot,” Lucius cut in. He was well-dressed, as always, his long white-blonde hair pulled back with a black ribbon. He only pulled it back like that in the common room, knowing that the other houses would try to tease him for it. He didn’t feel like putting up with it, so didn’t do it. He took a seat and crossed his legs, always the aristocratic gentleman. “But I do have a question for you, Regulus.”

“What is it?”

“How would you feel if I asked your cousin, Narcissa, on a date?”

Regulus paused, cocking his head a bit. “Why are you asking me?”

“It is traditional for the male to ask the lady’s father for permission to marry, but I felt that, for dating, it would make more sense to ask a brother. As Narcissa does not have brothers, it was up to her cousins. I would have asked last year, but there is no  _ way _ I would have asked Sirius, a Gryffindor, if I could date his cousin. So I waited for you.”

“And what if I ended up in Gryffindor too?” Regulus smirked. He knew that the hat had hesitated for a reason. Lucius shrugged.

“Either I was going to ask a Gryffindor or not ask at all.” 

Regulus laughed a little as he leaned back, seeing Narcissa entering the common room as she laughed with her friends. Her dark hair swished around her face as she leaned down, a big smile on her face. Regulus shared a smirk with Severus.

“Go get her, tiger,” Regulus nudged him with his foot. Lucius stiffened.

“Shut up,” He grinned weakly, laughing a bit as he stood up, hesitated, then sat back down. “Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Nu-uh,” Regulus grinned then raised his voice. “Hey, Cissy!”

Narcissa paused, sending her friends off as she came over to her cousin. “What is it, Regulus?”

“Lucius here has something he wants to ask you,” Regulus tried to force down his grin as he saw Narcissa blush faintly, then glanced over to see the same color on Lucius’ cheeks. He almost laughed as Lucius began stuttering out his question.

“W-would you like to- to go to… to Hogsmeade t-this weekend?”

Narcissa’s face burst into a wide smile. “Of course I would,” She smiled at Lucius. “Saturday, right?”

Lucius nodded, his face reddening even more. “Y-yeah, yeah that sounds great.”

“Wonderful, I’ll see you then.” Narcissa flounced off, meeting up with her friends who began squealing in delight. Regulus nudged Lucius, who was completely red-faced by this point, a grin playing on his aristocratic features. He ran a hand through his hair, completely ruining the ponytail. Severus laughed and reached over to pull the ribbon out, handing it to Lucius, who accepted it and re-tied his hair back.

“So what was with that scar Sirius had?” Severus asked. Regulus froze, his silver eyes wide.

“Does this have something to do with the three-crucio night?” Lucius asked softly after a pause. Regulus nodded hesitantly.

“Father was drunk,” He whispered. Lucius and Severus had to lean closer to hear him. “He was angry at Sirius, who had come into the kitchen to get a drink. When Father stood up, Sirius put his glass down. Father smashed the glass in his head then pulled his head to hit a cabinet corner. He was hurt pretty bad. A healer came by and helped but it took him almost the whole summer to recover fully, and he’s still not back to normal. His wounds healed within a week or two, but he’s not been the same since that night. He’s… empty. He used to have silver eyes, but since then it’s like the color left and now his eyes are a dark gray. He looks almost identical to our father. I don’t know when, or even if, things will go back to normal.”

Lucius patted Regulus’ shoulder. “Don’t worry about him. He’s strong. He’ll get back to normal soon enough. He’s surrounded by friends and he’s away from your father. That’s all he needs to truly recover.”

“But he’s not away from Father,” Regulus whispered miserably. “He sees him every time he looks in a mirror.”


	19. Chapter 19

The next month passed quickly. Remus recovered from his chocolate poisoning and was back on his feet in a few days. After their date, Narcissa and Lucius grew close and often went to Hogsmeade together. All too soon, the next moon was approaching and it was showing to be a bad one. 

Remus was curled up on his bed, fast asleep. Sirius, James, and Peter had gone to breakfast and had agreed to let him sleep then bring food they’d smuggled for him when they needed to wake their friend for classes. Peter had sausages, Sirius had a few muffins, and James had somehow managed to sneak a waffle into his pocket. Sirius was tasked with waking his friend up as Peter and James got his uniform out so he could change quickly.

“Remus, hey,” He started shaking Remus’ shoulder. “Hey, it’s time to wake up. Classes are starting soon.” Remus groaned and rolled over a bit. “Come on, wake up Rem.” When Remus didn’t answer, Sirius began calling him different names, including Remus, Rem, Moon Moon, and Moony. He was growing fond of Moony and was actually planning to use it as a nickname.

“Whaaat?” Remus groaned, rolling onto his back as he pushed his forearm over his eyes.

“Claaass,” Sirius shook his friend some more then stole his blanket. Remus sat up. Rubbing his eyes.

“How long till breakfast?” He slurred.

“Already passed,” James cut in as he put books in Remus’ bag. “We brought stuff for you.”

“I have muffins,” Sirius told Remus. “We have sausage and a waffle too. But you need to get dressed.”

Remus pushed himself off the bed. “Gimme clothes,” He mumbled, his eyes still closed. Peter pushed the basic white button-down and gray pants into Remus’ hands. Completely ignoring his inhibitions and doing what Sirius and James did, he dressed in front of his friends, albeit with his back turned and they weren’t paying much attention to his movements. He had already changed his pants when he took off his long sleeved pajama shirt and was grabbing the button-down when Sirius glanced at him to check on his progress. His back was completely exposed to his friends and Sirius’ eyes went wide when he saw.

Remus’ back was _covered_ in scars. Ugly, horrible scars that stretched across his skin in dark shades of pink. There were smaller white ones, but what drew his attention was a particularly raw and new-looking scar on Remus’ shoulder. It was pretty big and covered most of his shoulder blade. Sirius shivered when he saw it. He couldn’t imagine what pain that must have caused.

Remus pulled the button-down on and turned around as he was buttoning it, grabbing a muffin and shoving a piece in his mouth as he did so. Due to the shirt being mostly unbuttoned, part of his chest was revealed as well, showing even more scars, particularly one that seemed to stretch across his chest. Sirius could tell that it had healed a while ago but he winced as he thought of how it must hurt for Remus to be a werewolf.

“What?” Remus mumbled through his mouthful of muffin. His shirt was buttoned and he was tying his tie as he asked the question.

“Huh?” Sirius was snapped out of his thoughts. “Oh- Nothing.”

“Mkay,” Remus answered, pulling his gray jumper on and grabbing his robes from James, who was holding them out to him. He groaned as he stretched and stumbled a bit, hiding the ache that set deep in his bones. He couldn’t let his friends see, it was five whole days to the transformation and the symptoms had started the day before. He couldn’t let them know, but knew that he couldn’t hide it for too long. His senses were already uncomfortably heightened. He could smell Peter’s muggle shampoo, a sour combination of chemical smells, and Peter was standing almost on the opposite side of the room. He dreaded Potions today because of all of the different ingredients. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Let’s go.”

The four left their dorm, James refusing to give Remus his bag, and walked to their first class, Transfiguration. James glanced up at one of the clocks as they passed it and his hazel eyes widened. “Guys, we’re almost late! We gotta go!” He took off running, the other three following after a few seconds. Sirius was fairly athletic and kept pace, but Peter and Remus struggled. Any other time of the month, he’d be fine, but not now, not when his footsteps were giving him a headache. Peter was simply unused to running, he didn’t run that often. Remus staggered a bit but kept running, his legs aching as he forced them to move. He crashed into Sirius, not seeing him stop around a corner, and tumbled to the ground, a pained cry escaping his lips.

“Rem, are you okay?” Sirius asked, concerned. He helped Remus up as he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just go, McGonagall’s gonna kill us.”

The four finished their mad dash to the Transfiguration classroom, hoping that they wouldn’t be late. Unluckily, they were a minute too late and the clock had already struck nine. They snuck to their seats, hoping McGonagall wouldn’t catch them.

“Detention, the four of you.” The boys froze when they heard the short sentence. Remus blanched as he gazed wide-eyed at his teacher. He’d never had detention before! He was never in trouble! Would they send an owl home, what would his parents think-

“That’s not fair, Professor, it was my fault,” Sirius inadvertently broke Remus from his thoughts as he defended them. “I took way too long getting my things and I slowed them down, I should be the one to get detention, not them.”

“That’s not true,” James cut in. “I was the one who took too long to get back to the room in the first place.”

“Well, either way, Remus shouldn’t get in trouble,” Peter, surprisingly, spoke up. “He was the one trying to hurry us. We all took too long, I was busy stuffing my face in the Great Hall and took too long to grab my stuff and I walked too slow and Remus didn’t want me to be left behind otherwise he would have gone on by himself. We should get the detention, we made him late. He doesn’t deserve it when he was trying to keep up from getting in trouble ourselves.”

“Guys-”

“Shut it,” James hissed, elbowing Remus in the ribs. He tried to pretend that it hurt less than it did.

“All four of you, detention over lunch. I appreciate the effort to keep Mr. Lupin out of trouble, but he is still late, as are you. Now,” McGonagall swept elegantly to her chalkboard and charmed the chalk to write as she was speaking. “Find your seats and we will get started.”

The lesson was on their hardest transfiguration that year- turning living creatures, mostly mice, into inanimate objects. It was the beginning of that lesson, so there were lots of notes, which was why McGonagall had saved it for a double Transfiguration day, and the class would last all the way to lunchtime. The second half was spent actually doing the transfiguration while the first half was notes and learning how to. Remus could hardly focus as he worked. Was McGonagall angry? Of course she was. She was going to give him at least two week’s detention and owl his parents and they’d be so disappointed that their only son, who was already bad enough being a werewolf, also slacked in his classes. He could just picture his mother’s face, how her eyes would be glittering with disappointment-

“Remus?”

He was snapped out of his thoughts, yet again, by Sirius speaking. He glanced around the room to realize that the room had emptied and the four were the only ones left, save for McGonagall, who was watching the four. Remus stood to follow his friends to her desk. James and Peter began going over, but Sirius stayed, watching Remus. Eventually, he started walking, but Sirius leaned towards him.

“You’re shaking, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Remus lied. “I-I’ll be fine.”

“You’re lying,” Sirius muttered, putting his hand against Remus’ back and pushing him to move a bit faster. “You’ll be fine, calm down.”

“I know all of your excuses earlier were lies,” McGonagall started. Sirius’ eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak. “Because Mr. Lupin was not at breakfast this morning.”

“I-”

“It’s five days until the next moon. How do you feel?”

Remus was about to tell her that he was feeling fine, but her stern face convinced him otherwise.

“Not very well. This one’s going to be particularly bad,” He glanced down at his feet to avoid the betrayed looks he knew he was getting from his friends. “I’m already achy and tired and I’m positive my temper’s gonna be nonexistent by tomorrow or the next day. I guess the wolf’s just making up for a not-so-bad moon last time, and that I basically poisoned it.”

“I heard about the chocolate incident,” McGonagall gave the boy a tight smile. “Why don’t you boys sit down?”

They did so, exchanging wary glances. 

“I know you three-” She pointed to James, Sirius, and Peter- “Snuck food from the Great Hall to let Mr. Lupin eat breakfast and sleep in some. That was very kind of you, but that cannot happen every day.”

“Professor, the noise will give him headaches and he’s already going to be exhausted-” McGonagall cut James off with a quick gesture of her hand.

“I know of the symptoms of lycanthropy, Mr. Potter. I am well aware that Mr. Lupin will be having problems. You did not allow me to finish. I want you to wake him up as you leave for breakfast in the Great Hall, and I want you to send him here, to my classroom. When you get your class things, make sure you get Mr. Lupin’s as well. That way, he will be able to eat without the noise. Along with this, I want the four of you to eat your other meals here. This will save Mr. Lupin from the noise and you can call it detention. Is that understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Peter murmured, echoed by his friends. 

“Now,” McGonagall stood abruptly. “You four will stay in here for lunch.” She waved her wand and a platter of sandwiches appeared. “Behave and get to your next class, punctually. I will be in my office. Make sure that you finish your homework, but if you have questions, ask me.” With that, she moved to her office and quietly closed the door. The moment he heard the door latch, James turned to Remus.

“How come you didn’t tell us you were feeling so bad?” He demanded, grabbing a sandwich. Remus shrugged.   
  
“Didn’t want to worry you guys,” He murmured, taking a bite of his own sandwich. “I’m sorry for making you guys late and getting detention.”

Sirius shrugged. “It’s nothing, really, we’re used to it.”

“Speak for yourself!” Peter squeaked, glaring at him. “My mum’ll _kill_ me when she hears I got detention!”

“It’s not _really_ detention,” Sirius leaned his chair back to balance on two legs. “Besides, it’s not like she’ll _actually_ kill you.”

“Rhetorical, Sirius, rhetorical.”

“Professor McGonagall- What are you doing here?” The four looked up to see Regulus in the doorway, giving them a bewildered look as Cantantrix wove around his legs and padded to Sirius, who pet the cat.

“Detention,” James told his friend’s brother. “Do you need Professor McGonagall?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask about a homework assignment.”

“If you don’t want to bother her, I can help,” Remus offered. Regulus hesitated then nodded and Remus painfully stood up. “Let me see what you have, I’m pretty good with Transfiguration.” Regulus laid the parchment with the assignment on a desk and Remus looked over it. “I remember this assignment. What are you having trouble with?”

“This part,” Regulus murmured, pointing to a part of the parchment. Remus nodded and began explaining it to him as the other three watched. Sirius pet Trix, who was purring at the attention, when Snape and Malfoy showed up. They poked their heads into the classroom, scanning. Their eyes hardened when they saw the four sitting in the room.

“Regulus, what are you doing in here with them?” Lucius asked as he walked into the room, standing very close to the door with his arms crossed. Severus followed, mimicking his posture.

“I needed help on my homework and I couldn’t find you guys.” Regulus explained.

“Yeah, but with _them_?” Snape asked, his eyes showing his disgust for the other four.

“We had detention when he came in, looking for Professor McGonagall,” Remus stated softly before Sirius or James could reply, both of whom he could tell were itching to insult the two Slytherins. “I offered to help him on the work so he didn’t have to disturb her.”

“Well, we need to go.” Lucius snapped. “Come on, Regulus, Severus. I think we’ve spent enough time around the blood traitors _as it is_.”

“You-”

“Sirius, no,” Remus sighed. “It’s not worth it. Sit down.”

Grumbling to himself, Sirius sat down. Remus followed, glancing back at the empty doorway. He didn’t pick up one of the sandwiches, having not finished his first sandwich. He didn’t go to do so though. He no longer had an appetite and he felt a headache coming on.

“Why would he hang out around people like them!?” Sirius ranted. “They’re _awful_!”

“Given what you’ve said your father did, I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds it normal.” Remus muttered, his elbow on the table as his hand supported his head as he stared at the remainders of his sandwich.

“What’s your father done?” James asked. Remus coughed.

“Nobody was supposed to hear that.”

Sirius froze up a bit, glancing at Remus. “He’s just not a great guy, that’s all.”

“Does this have something to do with what happened over summer?” Peter asked. Sirius froze even more, his eyes, which were slowly gaining back their silvery look, wide and scared. 

“U-uh, I think I heard the bell, we need to go to class, you heard McGon-”

“Sirius, what’s going on?” James interrupted, concerned. Sirius looked around, his eyes darting across the room. Remus noted that he mirrored a scared, caged animal. 

“It’s okay, Sirius,” Remus murmured, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. “We won’t shun you for whatever it is. You guys stuck with me after finding out what I am, right? I, at least, owe it to you to stick by your side.”

Sirius puffed out his cheek and shook his head before speaking again. “Fine. You know about that one Dark Wizard guy in the newspapers?”

“Yeah?” 

“Well, my parents, they agree with his ideologies. They’re not his followers, his ‘Death Eaters’ but they agree with the whole ‘purebloods are better and Muggles and Muggleborns are awful’ kind of thing. Basically all of my family, extended and otherwise, believe in that, except me. Anyway, they’re also on the ‘Sacred Twenty-Eight’ list, so you know they’re all about purebloods and they uh… they inbreed and that part’s gross so we’re gonna skip that,” He muttered the last bit really quickly, blushing slightly. “So I did some research because I was… unsure about stuff and… Turns out things at home aren’t as normal as I thought. _Apparently_ , your drunk father using the Cruciatus Curse on you three times after bashing your head into a cabinet and smashing a glass against your face is a bad thing.” Sirius ended his statement very sarcastically, avoiding looking at his friends. 

Remus frowned and looked at the table, James glared at the wall, Peter didn’t move at all. All three were at a loss for words and nobody knew what to say. They were startled by McGonagall opening the door of her office.

“You have ten minutes to get to your next class,” She told them, sensing automatically that something had happened. “Better start going now. I don’t want any of you late.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Remus replied first and grabbed his things as his friends snapped themselves out of their trances. He cast a somewhat concerned glance to Sirius, but didn’t say anything. It was only after they were in the hallway that any of them said anything.

“I see what you mean, Remus,” Sirius spoke somewhat loudly. “About the pitying looks. They’re _awful_.” He cast a dark glare at James who put his hands up in surrender. 

“I’m sorry! I don’t know how to respond to this!”

“Don’t treat me any different, nothing’s changed-” 

“But it is different, now that we know-”

“Why is his thing any different from Remus’?” Peter interrupted. “It’s a dark secret he doesn’t want getting out. I don’t think it’s much different and we didn’t treat him any different than before. So why treat Sirius differently?”

James actually paused in the corridor, a frown settling on his face as he thought about it. He came to a conclusion, his face lighting up, and ran to catch up to the three. “We shouldn’t!” He cried happily. “Everything’s the same!”

“Yeah, great, everything’s the same,” Remus grumbling, wincing at James’ loud voice, which was right in his ear. “Now please lower your voice before I either hex you to have none or you make me go deaf in one ear, whichever happens first. I do have sensitive senses around this time.”

“Sorry, Rem,” James grinned sheepishly. “Forgot.”

“It’s fine,”

“No it is not fine,” Sirius frowned, though there was a grin playing on his lips. “You could have hurt our dear Moony. I think you should do more than just apologize.” He stopped Remus and Peter from walking, his frown disappearing and a mischievous smirk taking its place. “You should _grovel_.”

“Siri-”

“Down, James. Grovel for forgiveness.” Peter and Sirius were struggling to hold back laughter and even Remus, his face flaming with embarrassment, was trying to hide his smile. “ _Beg_ , Potter, come on.”

James threw a smirk at Sirius and slung an arm around Remus’ shoulders. “Remus,” He cooed. “Will you _ever_ forgive me for my awful behavior, for my awful treatment of you?”

Remus saw Sirius’ look and took advantage of the situation. “Hmm, I don’t know,” He murmured thoughtfully. He saw Peter and Sirius holding back silent laughter. “You were awful…”

“Rem, come on,” James whined. “That’s not fair.”

Sirius smirked. “I think you should _show_ him you’re sorry.” He spoke haughtily, his eyes taking an emotion that was unfamiliar to Remus.

“Sirius, what do you mean?” James was growing cautious now, unsure whether he should trust his prankster of a friend.

“I don’t know, Moony, Pete, what do you think?”

“First off, what’s with ‘Moony’?” Remus asked.

“Your name’s basically Moon Moon, Moony’s short. Besides, with your…”

“Furry little problem,” James cut in helpfully.

“Yeah, that, with your furry little problem, it matches, don’t you think?”

“If you keep calling it a ‘furry little problem’, people are going to think I have an angry rabbit,” Remus chuckled.

“Is that so bad?” James teased. Remus and Sirius exchanged cautious glances but it seemed as if he was just teasing, not quoting Remus from his argument with Sirius about a month ago. A wave of sudden dizziness caused him to drop his books and stagger into James’ side. He caught him and held him up, confused.

“Are you okay?” Sirius asked. “Moony!”

“Need… Need to sit down…” He mumbled, lightheaded. He felt James and Sirius guiding him to a wall and helping down as he sunk to the floor, crossing his legs and bracing his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. His friends, unsure of what to do, stood awkwardly around him until one of them remembered about class.

“Peter, go tell Slughorn what’s going on and that we might be late,” James ordered. Remus, not caring to look up, heard his friend’s footsteps fading away as he got farther. “Are you okay?” James had crouched down to be closer to Remus’ height.

“Y-yeah,” He mumbled. “Just… Just give me a second.”

As the halls cleared out and quieted, James and Sirius slid to sit on both sides of Remus, exchanging concerned glances as their friends didn’t move. Two pairs of quick footsteps echoed down the now empty hallway and the two glanced up to see Peter and Slughorn making their way down the hallway to the group.

“Remus, dear boy, are you okay?” Slughorn puffed. “Whatever is the matter?”

“Dizzy,” Remus grunted. “Lightheaded. Real woozy.”

“Oh, I have just the thing!” Slughorn cried, digging in his pockets. “Mr. Pettigrew here told me you were dizzy so I grabbed a potion… Ah, here it is!” He held a small vial of some dark yellow potion. It didn’t look gloppy like some potions were, but was quite fragrant when Slughorn uncorked it and held it to Remus. “Just drink this and you should be right as rain.”

“N-no, no,” Remus groaned. “Smell’s making it worse. I don’t think it’ll help. Sorry, Professor,” He added the last part in sheepishly, feeling guilty for rejected the potion master when all he wanted to do was help.

“No, no, it’s quite alright,” Slughorn carried on merrily, recorking the potion and dropping it into the recessive folds of his robes. “Not all potions work for everybody.”

“I… I think I’ll be alright to come to class. Just have to wait for the world to stop spinning.”

“What about chocolate?” Sirius asked suddenly. “It seems to help you out… Other times. Why not now?”

“Worth a shot, can you grab some out of my bag?” Remus had hardly moved this whole time, still folded up against the wall. Sirius ruffled through his bag and found a bar of chocolate, opening it and handing it to his friend. Remus took it and pulled it into his little self-cocoon. Eventually, the dizziness faded enough that he lifted his head and sighed.

“You feeling better?” James asked. Remus nodded and glanced around. Sirius was kneeling next to him while James was sitting on the other side. Peter was standing off to the side, behind Slughorn who was squatting directly in front of him. 

“Yeah, I think… Think I can get up now.”

The other four stood up and Sirius offered his hand to help Remus up. James grabbed his bag. After Remus stood up, he had to stop and hold onto Sirius’ shoulder for a few moments. “Sorry,” He mumbled. “Just… Stood up too fast.”

“It’s fine,” Sirius replied. “Take as long as you need.”

It only took Remus a few minutes before his head stopped spinning again and then the group of five made their way to the dungeons, where the Potions classroom was, Remus nibbling on his chocolate.

The class, for Remus at least, went awfully. The pungent smells of the potions brewing quickly caused a headache that morphed into a migraine as time went on. He couldn’t focus due to everybody whispering and he made multiple mistakes that, if James hadn’t caught them, could have caused a disaster. Eventually, his head pounding from the noise, smells, and light, Remus made his way to Slughorn’s desk.

“Professor?” He spoke softly but it still caused his head to hurt even more. Slughorn looked up. “Might I be able to leave class a little early? I… I’m not feeling very well and I’ve got a migraine.”

“Oh, yes, yes, of course,” Slughorn told him. His voice was his enthusiastic louder volume, Remus had to hold back a wince. “If you still feel bad tomorrow, just stay behind. Your friends can take notes for you.”

“Thank you.” Remus gathered his things, explaining to James what was going on and left the room. He was making his way to McGonagall’s room, since Potions was the class before dinner, and stumbled against the wall, his vision swimming and his head hurting even more due to the light. He eventually recovered enough to stagger dizzily to the classroom. He knocked on the door and wrapped his arms around his bag as he waited for someone to open it.

“Mr. Lupin?” McGonagall asked, surprised that he was already there. There was still a half hour of class left. 

“Class ended early,” He lied. “The others stayed back to talk.”

“Very well,” She told him. “Go to my office, I’ll send them in when they arrive.”

“Thank you,” He breathed. He paused when he passed her. “Class didn’t end early. Professor Slughorn let me leave. Migraine.”

“Go take a nap, then,” She whispered. “I’ll tell them. Close the blinds if you need. There should be some pillows.”

“Thank you,” Remus mumbled, entering the office and immediately closing the heavy curtains to block all of the sunlight from the windows. After finding the pillows McGonagall was talking about, he snuffed out the candles, causing the only remaining light to be what was filtering in from the bottom of the door. He laid down, his head on the pillows as he listened to the faint sounds of McGonagall resuming her lesson. After some time, the exhausted boy drifted off to a blissful absence of pain.


	20. Chapter 20

Remus slowly woke up as he heard his friends mumbling and moving around. Scents of food wafted around and he groaned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“He’s awake!” Sirius called cheerfully. “Want something to eat?”

“Not really,” Remus mumbled. “ ‘M tired.”

“You just woke up,” James retorted confusedly.

“And I’m gonna undo that mistake and go back to sleep,” Remus responded, curling back up under his blanket. 

“Why’s it a mistake to wake up?” Peter asked The boy really was oblivious sometimes.

“He’s just being whiny and grouchy,” Sirius’ tone was lighthearted and usually Remus would worry about how serious, no pun intended, his friend was being. But right now, he was too tired to care.

“Try saying that as you recover from a potions-induced werewolf migraine,” He mumbled into his pillow.

“Try saying that when you’re bedridden for weeks due to injuries you didn’t cause,” Sirius shot back.

“I have. Or… Well, that could count as me. But I say it doesn’t, so it doesn’t. Ha, bet I have you beat.”

“How long?”

“Three weeks and four days. It was nasty.”

“Okay, okay, let’s just end this ‘who’s been injured worse’ contest right now,” James cut in, laughing. “Rem, you need to eat something.”

Remus groaned and shook his head. “Please, no. Not right now.”

“Remus,” He looked up to see James’ sharp stare. He quickly dropped his eyes and mumbled a bit as he conceded to his friend’s mother-henning. Immediately, a plate of food was set in front of him and he unenthusiastically nibbled at it, leaning against the wall.

“Where’s McGonagall?” He asked.

“Great Hall,” Sirius answered. “Said she’d give you some privacy, that it’d be odd for you to wake up with your Transfigurations Professor watching you sleep.”

Remus let out a breathy laugh. “She’s right, there.”

“And now I’m right here,” McGonagall’s voice was sudden- none of the boys had heard the door open. “How do you feel, Mr. Lupin?”

“Tired, not… Not great. I did just have a migraine.”

“No need for the sass, Mr. Lupin,” Despite her stern words, Remus thought he could hear a slight chuckle in the Professor’s voice. 

“Sorry.”

“No matter. Eat your dinner.”

Remus reflected drily on how similar James and McGonagall were occasionally, fussing over his health when he was visibly ill. 

An hour later, the four were sent on their way. Remus kept his head down as James guided him through the hallway, Sirius cleared a way for them, and Peter trailed behind. Eventually, they got to the common room, where Remus collapsed on his bed, not worrying about changing his clothes. James pulled his shoes off and somebody, and he couldn’t tell who, untied his tie and unbuttoned the first button of his shirt so it didn’t feel like he was choking. Within moments, he drifted off to sleep.

James flopped backwards on his bed as Sirius put the tie away in Remus’ wardrobe. Peter fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, the three of them having changed before Remus had woken up before.

“What now?” Peter asked.

“I need to study for our test tomorrow,” James told him. “You’re free to join me. I’m staying in here.”

“Yeah, I think I will. Thanks. Sirius?”

“I’ll probably go on a walk,” Sirius replied, pulling his leather jacket on after lacing up his boots. “Kinda restless.”

“Alright, don’t be too late.” James was already pulling out his Charms book. Sirius merely nodded, a sort of melancholy filling him.

The hallways were almost empty at this time. Most of the students were either finishing dinner, studying in the library, or on their ways to their common rooms. It was getting somewhat late; they only had two hours before curfew.

Sirius stopped as he heard soft sobbing. He wondered if whoever was crying had been a victim of one of his pranks.  _ Couldn’t be _ , he decided. It had been days since the last one. Nobody would still be upset about it, they were all in great fun.

“Evans?” He had followed the passageway until he saw the source of the sound: Lily Evans, a Gryffindor redhead, was curled up at the wall. A frown took over her features as she glanced up to see Sirius crouching down. He remembered that she’d been the target of one of the group’s pranks earlier in the year. She didn’t like them much after that; her hair had been an ugly shade of pink that was charmed to clash with everything she wore for a week.

“What do you want, Black?” She asked as she wiped her tearstained cheeks. A few strands of hair were clinging to her face and Sirius brushed them behind her ear. Her skirt was rumpled from her curled up position and she held a piece of paper in her hand, the handwriting loopy and straight.

“You were crying,” He answered simply. “I came to find out why.”

“It’s none of your business,” Lily muttered, folding up the paper after noticing Sirius peering at it. He’d only caught one word:  _ Petunia _ . “You wouldn’t get it anyway.”

“Try me. What’s bothering you?” He shifted from an uncomfortable crouch to sitting near her, legs criss-crossed. 

“Just… Family issues, you know?” She tried to laugh it off but her face fell moments later. “‘Course you wouldn’t.”

“You’d be surprised,” Sirius shot back gently. “What type of family issues?”

“My… My sister. She’s not very… Accepting of this life.”

“Being a witch? You’re a mud- muggleborn, right?”

“You were going to say ‘Mudblood’, weren’t you?” Lily shot him a dark look. “I heard you.”

“Force of habit,” Sirius forced a short, strained grin. “I come from a very elite, ah,  _ traditional _ family. They’re not fans of muggleborns or anyone who sympathizes with them. Don’t like muggles much either. What’d she do? I’ve never seen you cry before.”

“Just… Just a rude letter, that’s all.”

“ _ ‘That’s all _ ’? Let me see it. It takes more than a mean letter to make you cry.” Sirius held his hand out. Lily shook her head, tucking the letter away. “Give it here, Lily. I won’t tell anyone.”

Her shoulder slumping in defeat, the usually stubborn girl handed the paper over. Sirius unfolded it, his face taking on looks of incredulous disbelief as he read it.

“‘ _ Freak _ ’? ‘ _ Abnormal _ ’? That’s absurd!” He looked at his fellow Gryffindor, disturbed to see her staring at her feet, avoiding his gaze. “You don’t believe this rubbish, do you?” She didn't respond. “… Lily?” 

“Maybe… Maybe sometimes.”

“Lily… Lily, that’s…”

“Sirius, why are you here? Bothering me? Just leave me alone.” Lily looked at him, her eyes tired.

“No, Lily. You need someone. I’m not leaving you.” 

Lily sighed, her head falling against the wall. Sirius could see her eyes filling with tears again and one crawled down her cheek.

“She’s been treating me like this since the last school year started. She’s jealous, I suppose, that she isn’t coming here. That’s what Severus says, at least.”

“Severus? You mean-”

“Snape. I know you don’t like him. But he’s my friend. He’s been my friend for years and years. He says she’s jealous that I’m special, and she’s ordinary.”

“I think this is more than jealousy, Lily,” Sirius murmured. “This is… This is abuse. It’s been two years, she should get over it. She’s not like us, that’s fine. You’re not like me, but you don’t see me calling you a freak or abnormal. You don’t deserve that.”

“Sirius? What did you mean by when I’d said family issues? That I’d be surprised?”

Sirius sighed and bit his lip, looking down. “Well, you told me, so…” He hesitated, then used his hand to sweep his black hair from his forehead, revealing the scar above his left temple. Lily gasped, her green eyes wide in horror.

“My father was drunk. He- well, you don’t need to hear the whole story. It was at the beginning of summer. It’s common in pureblood families, the elite, traditional ones. That’s what Regulus said. My brother. He’s in-”

“Slytherin, I know. Most elite purebloods go there, right?”

“Yeah. Most elites go there. Malfoys, Blacks, Lestranges, they’re all almost always in Slytherin. I was the first Black to not be. They- My parents- were always bad, but it got a lot worse when I was sorted into Gryffindor. Mother yells and… Her ring… Well, she yells at both of us, but Father… He uses more… Magical methods. He hasn’t touched Reggie except for once, because he thought it was me, but there was once over the summer that was particularly bad. I-” Sirius cut himself off, shifting. “We’re not talking about me. You’re the one who was upset.”

“But, Sirius-”

“ _ No _ , Evans. I’m not getting into that right now. You’re the one who got a nasty letter from your sister. Not me. You’re the one with the problem.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Despite her words, Lily stared at the letter still in Sirius’ hands. He handed it back and she folded it, setting it aside. “Your friend, Remus, where is he? He left during Potions. Is he okay?”

“Uh, Remus- He, he’s sick often. He got a migraine during Potions and he hasn’t been feeling well. He’s sleeping right now. I didn’t really want to stay in the common room, kinda restless, so I went on a walk. Then I found you.”

“I don’t really want to go back to the common room either,” Lily sighed. “My friends’ll ask why I wasn’t there. We were supposed to study today, but…”   


“I get it,” Sirius smiled. “Wanna take a walk before curfew?”

“Sure,” Sirius stood up and offered his hand to Lily to assist her up. The two strolled slowly with no destination in mind. It was a mere five minutes to curfew when they found themselves in front of the Fat Lady, walking in. 

“I’d better get to bed,” Lily murmured. “You too.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed. “If you get any more of those awful letters, you come find me, okay? I’ll take care of it. You can count on me, alright?”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll come to you.” Lily hesitated, then wrapped her arms around Sirius. The taller boy paused, surprised, then returned the gesture. “Thank you, Sirius.”

“No problem, Lily. You don’t let these letters get to you, yeah? She’s just being mean.”

“Yeah. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

The two climbed the stairs to their individual rooms, where Sirius found Remus and Peter fast asleep and James reading a book.

“Took you awhile,” He greeted as Sirius pulled off his boots and jacket. “You alright?”

“Yeah. Got held up a bit, but I’m alright.”

“Okay, good. Night.”

“Night.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Guys, wake up! We’re gonna be late to breakfast!”

James groaned as he rolled over, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Time to get up!”

“Who on Earth decided to wake us up?” Sirius moaned. “Remus needs to sleep.”

“Remus is who. Now get up!”

“What-?”

Remus, already dressed and wide awake, was bouncing uncharacteristically cheerfully on his bed. Peter silently got dressed, watching his friend confusedly.

“Why are you so energetic?” He asked. “Last night we practically had to carry you up the stairs.” 

“I dunno, but I’m gonna take advantage of it. Like, I feel  _ great _ . Alive. I love it.”

“Not feeling sick? Like, at all?” James questioned as he pulled on a shirt. Remus shook his head, grinning.

“It’s like all of my senses have been turned up high but for once, it’s not giving me a migraine or anything. Like, Pete, your shampoo stinks of chemicals but it isn’t giving me a headache or anything. The lights are all a bit too bright but I’ll live. I can hear the guys in the room next door waking up. I can feel my robes being like, real scratchy, and I can hear fabric sliding around itself. It’s just like, I feel  _ human _ for once. Not sick or afflicted or anything. It’s great. I wonder how it’s gonna affect the transformation…” He trailed off, cocking his head. “I dunno. What do you guys think is for dinner?”

“Dinner? Remus, it’s not even breakfast yet.” Sirius frowned as he laced up his boots. “Why are you thinking about dinner?”

“‘Cause that’s the last thing we’ll eat all day, so if it’s bad then it’ll be a bad night but if it’s good then it’ll be a good night and hey, did we have a test today? In Transfiguration?”

“Charms…” Peter cast a concerned look at James as he answered. This wasn’t Remus, not normally.

“Let’s go,” Remus jumped off his bed but stumbled, catching himself almost immediately. “I’m fine! Let’s go!”

“We’re eating in the Transfigurations classroom, remember?” James reminded as the other three followed their strangely behaving friend from the dorm room. 

“Yeah, yeah,” He answered distractedly. “Hey, do you think it’ll rain today?”

“Uh… No? It’s sunny.” Peter glanced out a window.

“Yeah, but the weather can change-” Remus snapped his fingers- “Like that! So what d’you think?”

“It’s a nice day, Remus, so-”

“Potter! Black!” Sirius was interrupted by Richard Carter, a fifth year Gryffindor. “Wait a second!”

The four stopped and waited for Richard to catch up to them. 

“You two were planning on going out for Quidditch, weren’t you?”

“Uh, I wasn’t. Not really,” Sirius replied. James glanced at him.

“I was debating it. Why?”

“You two showed real promise last year at tryouts, we were hoping you would come out today.”

Sirius frowned. “But you didn’t accept us last year.”

“Oh, no first years get in-"

“Why didn’t you tell us that?”

“We use the tryouts as a way to scout out the first years, see who shows promise, especially in positions that our players will be graduating from. You were both quite good and we need a new Beater and Chaser. Other positions as well, of course, but those are the ones you went out for.”

“I don’t know,” Sirius sighed. 

"Well, I’ll see you there,” Richard told them and disappeared abruptly in the crowd.

“Try it!” Remus interjected, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “What’s the worst that can happen, you get rejected?”

“The worst thing that could happen is me getting  _ in _ .” Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, silvery eyes flickering over the crowded passageway. “My parents aren’t exactly  _ happy _ I’m a Gryffindor, remember? Although…” He trailed off, a slight smirk appearing briefly on his face. “It would annoy them that I’m playing Quidditch for a team that  _ isn’t _ Slytherin. I’ll go for it.” He nodded decisively. 

“With spite as your motivation?” James lifted one eyebrow skeptically.

“Only of course. It’s fun.”

“Can we go to breakfast now?” Remus whined. Without waiting for their responses, he walked away, leaving the other three to hurry and catch up with him. They got to the Transfigurations classroom and McGonagall was already sitting at her desk. Like his roommates, she was confused by Remus’ state the moment he energetically entered the room.

“We don’t know what’s got him like this,” James shrugged at her questioning glance. “He woke up this way.”

“No, he woke  _ us _ up this way,” Sirius corrected, taking a seat at one of the desks. “It’s strange.”

It truly was. For once, Remus had an appetite and was eating more than anyone at Hogwarts had ever seen him take in at once. 

Throughout the whole day, Sirius, James, and Peter watched their friend carefully, sure that he would suddenly crash and feel even worse than ever. However, this didn’t happen. His strange behavior actually came in handy at one point.

It was during Potions. Unlike the day before, the scents didn’t give him a migraine. Instead, it seemed to focus his heightened senses. He had been absorbed in the assigned potion while Sirius and James were goofing off. Peter was working with Sirius this year, or trying to. He and Remus shared exasperated glances as their partners left them to work on their own.

As Remus was sprinkling a few leaves into his potion, his nose twitched. He glanced up and looked around, a strange prickling on the back of his neck. His eyes widened and he leaned over an empty part of the table to grab the collar of the student sitting directly in front of him and pull her back. A few seconds later, the potion unexpectedly exploded. Lily Evans twisted around in Remus’ grip to stare at him in surprise.

“H-how’d you know that would happen?” She asked, obviously shaken. Remus could tell she was trembling and shrugged in response to her question.

“I really don’t know. I just… Had a feeling something was about to go wrong.”

Lily let out a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around her middle. As Remus came around from his table to wrap a gentle arm around her shoulders, Slughorn came over.

“Lily, my dear, what happened?” He asked. His bewilderment was understandable- Lily was one of his best students in second year. Her potions never exploded. She mutely shook her head, pressing herself against Remus in a subconscious search for comfort. He pulled her in a hug, a hand against her dark red hair. The entire room was silent as the second-years watched Slughorn investigate the cauldron. Eventually, he turned to Lily and Remus, his face dark.

“Lily, it appears that your potion was tampered with,” He declared. Lily tensed and Remus looked around the room, trying to find someone who may have looked guilty. His eyes narrowed when he saw James and Sirius grinning at each other. The smiles fell off their faces when they saw Remus glaring at them.

“Back to your potions!” Slughorn called. “We don’t want any more incidents. Lily, Carter, please clean this mess up.” Lily’s partner nodded and silently moved to clean up as Remus released Lily. She sighed and started helping as Remus checked on his own potion, which was bubbling happily, then stalked over to James and Sirius, who were looking like they were seriously considering fleeing from the young werewolf.

“What. Was. That?” Remus growled softly. 

“It was just a joke,” James replied. “Just a prank. You know, like always.”

“Your ‘joke’ could have hurt her!” Remus snapped.

“But it didn’t, so what’s the big deal?” Sirius frowned at Remus in confusion, not understanding his friend’s anger.

“Only because I somehow sensed that something was gonna go wrong! She’s lucky that I did, that’s never happened before!”

“What’d you even do?” Peter asked, glancing up from his potion. The quiet argument was taking place at the corner of his table, so he could hear. “To get the potion to explode?”

“Just switched the leaves she put in,” 

“And added a bunch of salt,” Sirius added. “We really didn’t know it would blow up so spectacularly. The best I was hoping for was a little  _ boompf  _ and a few sparks.”

Remus sighed heavily and glared at his friends. “Be very grateful for the credit you’re getting from my potion. Don’t do anything like that again, you hear? That was too far.”

“And you said that  _ James _ was the mother-hen friend,” Sirius grinned. “Get over yourself, Rem, it was only a joke. Nobody got hurt.”

Remus opened his mouth to say something, then sighed, shook his head, and returned to his potion, catching it at just the right time to prevent it from going wrong.

_ Maybe I was overreacting, _ Remus thought as he worked.  _ I don’t know _ . He did, however, resolve to ignore the two for the rest of the day. They may not have known exactly what their tampering would do, but they still had to face consequences and he was sure they wouldn’t suffer any unless they came from him.

The next few days passed and Remus’ condition stayed strangely light. When he waved goodbye to Pomfrey from the Shack, he decided to wander around a bit. He picked up the wood flute, seeing it under the bed. He ran his finger over the instrument, faint bite marks etched into it. He shrugged and began playing a haunting melody, one he’d known since he was little, right up until the moon peeked over the hills his transformation began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, please? I'd love to hear what you guys think of this!


	22. Chapter 22

The wolf stretched up on his hind legs. He felt… Strange. Different. Less angry. Very bored. With a whine, he scratched halfheartedly at the wall. He didn’t feel like digging up the floor. He didn’t feel like… Destroying. Destruction wasn’t as appealing as it usually was. 

He found the window the moonlight was streaming through and, searching through his past, albeit somewhat fuzzy memories, he remembered that he often left the cabin, shack, at night. He did so this time, squeezing himself through the ragged hole and shivering as he remembered those splintered planks scraping harsh holes through his thin coat.

Thin coat… Something rumbled through him and it took a moment of confusion to recognize that he was hungry. He wanted food. But what was food?

He paused at the edge of the forest he’d been wandering towards and reached up, pulling a branch down. Sniffing it, he gently gnawed on the leaves, spitting them out as a sour taste flooded his mouth. That wasn’t food.

He ambled farther into the forest, catching new scents in his flared nostrils. He recognized these smells, of course, but those memories were so tinged with rage that he didn’t want to use those as his basis for… Anything. He paused by a berry bush, sniffing it and recoiling at the sharp scent. That wouldn’t do.

The wolf jerked in surprise as hooves thundered past him. A herd of centaurs raced by, few sparing him any looks. He couldn’t remember encountering anything like this before, yet he somehow knew what they were…

One slowed and looked down at the young werewolf, crouching down at his obvious frightened expression, overwhelmed by the noise and danger he saw in those hooves. He may have been a strong predator, but he was small and young and those sharp hooves could beat him to death.

“Hello, young one,” The centaur greeted. Somehow, the wolf understood it. “Do you feel calm tonight?”

The wolf thought for a second. Was that what he felt? Calm? With a slow nod, he decided that yes, he was calm. Calm but hungry.

“Come with us,” The centaur reached a hand out, the wolf leaning forward to sniff it, gazing at the centaur with wide, deep, green eyes. “You will be safe. You are hungry, are you not?”

As if he could have forgotten, the painful feeling squeezed around his stomach again and the wolf nodded, skittering back when the centaur stood. He tentatively followed, forgetting his inhibitions when the centaur broke into a gallop and he had to run to follow. Wing blew through his fur, making him shiver in delight. This felt so good, how had he never done this before? Run?

-

Remus moaned as his mind returned to him, claws still returning to fingers and jaw still shrinking. As he became more aware, he realized he was moving. He opened his eyes, squinting at the morning sunlight, to come face-to-face with a bare chest. He looked up and saw the underside of a bearded chin. His eyesight was fuzzy, and so were his memories, so he couldn’t really tell who this was. Or why he was being carried.

At his groan, the face moved.

“Good morning, little one,” Whoever this was had a deep voice. It seemed to rumble through his entire torso and Remus felt, more than heard, him speak. “Don’t worry, we are taking you to safety.”

“Who- What’s going on?” Remus whispered, his mouth dry. Just his speaking sent waves of pain through his head. Why did he have such a bad headache?

“You hit your head last night, that’s what the headache is,” The man rumbled. “I expect you are sore from the transformation. Just relax, you are perfectly safe.”

“Who… who are you?” Despite this man being a stranger, he felt a strange sense of security in his arms. 

“My name is Simian.” The movement stopped and Simian knelt to lay Remus on the ground- he recognized where he was now. Near the shack. The movement of setting him down, though, caused a groan of pain to be pulled from his throat. Simian stopped and, after a second, set the boy on the ground, pulling a medicinal horn out of who-knows-where and scooping a paste out with his thumb. He smeared some of it on Remus’ lips and forehead, which, at the touch, began tingling.

“You’ll want to swallow it,” He urged. “It will help with the pain.” He pushed the rest of the paste on his thumb into Remus’ mouth, making the young werewolf swallow it. It tasted foul and Remus almost gagged and spat it out but, to his shock, it went into effect quickly, a pleasant warm tingling spreading through his body, taking the most noticeable effect in his pained jaw and sore muscles. Fatigue soon began to steal over him and, through the growing fog in his brain, he worried that this was some drug that could make it easier to…. Injure him, hurt him. 

His eyes had tumbled closed by the time he became aware of some scratchy fabric being pulled over his bare shoulders. He forced his heavy eyes to open and gazed blearily at Simian.

“Rest now, young one,” He smoothed a hand over Remus’ hair. “Your healer will be here soon. Here, keep this,” Something was pushed into his hand, Simian curling Remus’ fingers around it. It felt like a tube. 

The last thing the boy heard as he slipped to unconsciousness was a deep voice rumbling, “Sleep.”

-

Remus woke again, this time in the hospital wing, dressed in the striped pajamas he wore while being admitted.

“Hey, Rem,” Sirius greeted from his seat near Remus’ feet. He’d not realized his friend was there. 

“Hey,” He replied, throat dry. As if he read his mind, Sirius leaned and grabbed a glass of water. When Remus took it, he was surprised to find that his hands weren’t bandaged.

“Yeah, we were surprised too. Apparently, the only thing wrong was a nasty cut on your head.”

Remus frowned and searched his memories. They were still fuzzy, but would likely begin to clear up soon. “It’ll come back to me, I think.”

“Is he up?” James called, barging into the hospital wing. “Sorry,” He mumbled after Madam Pomfrey’s hissed “hush!”.

“He’s awake,” Sirius called back. James grinned and came over, Peter following. 

“Did you bring anything to eat?” Remus asked. “I’m starving.”

“Lunch is in a little bit,” Peter told him.

“Wait, really? Lunch?”

“Yeah, you slept through like, half the day,” James grinned. 

“You remember anything?” Sirius asked. Remus pursed his lips in thought.

“It’s clearing up.”

“And?”

Remus was quiet for a few minutes. “The wolf wasn’t nearly as destructive. It didn’t want to destroy stuff, it didn’t even claw at the floor. It got out and it… It was hungry.” His voice was quiet, reflective. “It left the shack and went to the forest and-” He decided last minute not to tell them about the centaurs. His eyes widened, though, as he came to a surprising realization. 

“What?”

“He was bored. This whole time, he’s been tearing stuff up cause he’s bored.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this chapter took months! I'm hoping that I'll get back into the rhythm of this work within a few chapters and get it going good again. 
> 
> Updates are changing! Watch for an update from Sam's Angels- all will be explained there!


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